Without warning, I was caught up within a whirlwind, spun mercilessly, my senses reeling; my breath sucked away, heart stopping. Then suddenly, I was dashed to the ground, stunned yet breathing, my heart beating; but, I knew I never would be quite the same: for His name and sweet love is His fame.
I was drawn into whirlpool: drawn down, down, into the darkness of his eyes, caressed and wrapped in the silk of his sensuous voice, cradled in the warmth of his strength and power. Yet, abruptly, I was cast upon the sand, barely alive, my heart breaking; still, I understood I never would be quite complete: for He had exacted such a feat, though I turned in retreat.
Violently the earth trembled, casting me about like some lifeless rag doll, pitching me to and fro until darkness swept across my mind: until oblivion stole all thought and groundless fear. At once, I awoke amidst the rubble, my mind clearing and fears chased away; nonetheless, something was amiss: He had left the whisper of a kiss, leaving behind Him a trail of bliss.
It was quiet for a time, until— unexpectedly, the sky boiled black, a deep rumble of thunder roared through my brain, a flash of jagged, fiery lightening quickly piercing a raging storm within. Tumultuous winds whipped flames threatening to consume me. But, once again and without warning, cooling rain fell from the heavens, hid my tears, dampened the fires threatening to consume me. Ah, but embers still glowed, for He was spun of purest silver and gold: only He could dash the coals cold.
The sea rose and fell, ebbed and flowed, pulling me deeper and deeper within its violent swell: threatening to engulf my soul, seeking the very breath of my life with its false sense of quiet serenity in its depths. Miraculously, I was pulled gasping from its cool clutches to breathe deeply of salt air; yet, I knew the sea still held a claim: for I know his name and my wild fears only He could tame.
Subtly and as only God can do, the sun came from behind that majestic mountain, bathed my frozen heart in its warmth, opened my eyes to crystal, rainbow heavens: awakened my senses to fragrant blossoms and cheerful tunes of songbirds. Clarity! I was confident the ravages of this storm soon would clear: for His was a love I had no need to fear. He would draw nary a tear.
And, as only God can do, He enlightened my mind, revealed the raging tempests as my fear of loving: a lie from he, groundless fear that loving must be a wrenching death of spirit, revealed in each storm Himself gently pulling me free— free to a love tickling. At once I knew: He was that sunlit mountain of a man, deserving of a love as only I can. Though I know not how, somehow, I would be a part of God's divine plan.
* * * * *
Most of my early writings, especially those in the late eighties forward, are reflections into the years prior to reaching Yeshua's goal for me— though He had been preparing me for it all along the broad highways and byways and disastrous detours taken; thus, each reveal the battle he, Lucifer, wages with you and me when called to God's love, mercy and salvation as well as our mission on His behalf. Finally, the day came when I ceased to detour and remained on El Elyon's straight, narrow road. Only then did I fully realize how comforting it is, how smooth His path.
The Destroyer likes nothing better than to live up to this, just one of his monikers; but, he truly is stupid: he comes back again and again, despite being kicked in the teeth and shoved out our door each time, knowing full well his end is near. Today, I find Satan laughable: mightily praising El each time Beelzebub barges in uninvited— because in so doing, he only confirms to whom I belong— only to be defeated in a blaze of Adonai's fiery wrath by way of His strength in me.
Thus, as I continue to be merely one of many pens, over the centuries, of God's mouth—a scripture— my prayer is for others to find Him and the peace as well as a unique sense of freedom I have gained through Elohim: such as the world cannot know. They've simply to ask: only to seek with their whole heart and soul and mind and might. He will respond in kind.
He is a mighty God: pitiful words never can describe the depth of His love for those who love Him, or the scorching heat of His tears when one falls away, or His immense joy when a prodigal returns, or the depth of His pain when one is lost forever. Nor can we fathom our Father's wrath when one of His children is under attack. Neither can this pitiful sinful Eve describe her love for Ishi, or the pain I feel when anyone turns away from His Truths and awesomely underserved offer of mercy, grace, and loving salvation: they know not what they do nor to whom they do it.
Oh, if only, if only each of he and she understood how inconsequential and temporary is this life: they would do as I— seek the permanent. El Shaddai asks so little of us yet gives unstintingly in return for our mere devotion— but, not as the world perceives giving. He is indomitable yet gentle. He cannot be defeated and ever is in control: as it should be. After all, El created you and me and "all that there is."