by Erin Elizabeth Kelly-Moen
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
Rated "G" by the Author.
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I don’t understand uncaring spleen,
lowering heights, sheeted between
the worlds of mind which worded Man,
I think I see, with words we stood,
picked up a pen, with answers sure,
the words of mind which worlded man.
I must have missed how we began
demeaning rights; self-blinding plan,
the beasts of mind, which bested Man,
I hate to think we thought we could
pick up a club, so immature
the bested mind beat down by beasts.
I hope to see awareness keen,
furthering sights, helping to clean
the width of time which widened Man,
I think our hands, forgiving should
pick up a life and help assure
the widened mind stands width of time.
Copyright 2003 ©
Erin Elizabeth Kelly-Moen
© Copyright 1/25/09
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|Reviewed by OnepoetGem *the Poetic Rapper
|rolling on Erin, reading and rolling, worded man, wait a minute you tlaking about me? just kidding. I do word a lot, whether I fit in your poem or not, I don't know. If it's bad I hope not, if it's good I don't mind. This poem got me thinking? cheers G|
|Reviewed by Marvin Kirsh
|ear erin- this is a very creatively written work-of the always blind in his trucking, captain of the ship(ourselves). I have never really understood indifference, and the lack of realization that we can make changes-each ourselves-how some are blind to the important-a line of delineation between "you and me" drawn more towards self-like a fortress( a new word "fortressing" to go along with "filtering". I think there are some who dont even think the widened mind has to endure over the rest-doesnt even have to exist, the closer you look the colder a feeling you can get. Some dont know that they canmake a diffetence or that any is aware of their circumstances, can relate to them, and that they are not permanent-maybe soem dont see much of theselves in the rest of the world. My own eyes might have stayed open longer by thinking and reading more into commoness of my self and others than existed-communications that take digging into or to stop and look by others to know me, in a world assumed composed of the selfcentered. The greatest changes also are always brought about by those a complete turn -who struggled with their insights..The truth is always at a distance and what always troubled me life long was that when I saw certain types of problems the truth of themwas never apparent in the local environment-nowhere for a person to come to know and -no way a truth of evidence/witness could exist. Any approach in tis situation pretty much a waste of time any only happenstances in the lives involved ever could amke a difference regardless of the directness or indirectness of the spoken lesson.
Im running on, but I liked you poem and have one criticism-of the word spleen_I suppose you mean immune-like self and others.
It seems to protrude against some of the rest of the poem which reads more aesthetically. Perhaps as an ex-biochemist it reminds me of the nuts and bolts, bits and pieces papers I used to read. I wouldnt profess to tell you how to write but I wanted to share some of my thoughts, experiences and interpretations so can get a broader orientation to the other perspectives of your meaning. That where always snowed is true, when we catch it its not found in our hands and I suppose there is a threshold ?turning point where in some the inside is not though too different from the out.
Your friend marvin. .
|Reviewed by Bhuwan Thapaliya
|Reviewed by Carmen Ruggero
|And let's get on with our lives! Good write.
|Reviewed by Leland Waldrip
|Thought provoking, Erin. An appeal for humanity to grow up, act our age? Excellent write.
|Reviewed by ya mama (Reader)
|wonderfully done. i enloyed reading this|
|Reviewed by Ed Matlack
|Erin, as always masterful from a master, I especially liked the last line re: "widened mind stands the width of time." How wide is time anyway? I like this one as sometimes I have to get my dictionary out when I read your writes, and this one I actually understood every word...LOL! Peace & Happy Holidays from Rufuz & Ed|
|Reviewed by Dale Clark
|Masterful! So very deep and powerful!|
|Reviewed by Regis Auffray
|There is such depth in this creation that I must ponder it again. Thank you for this offering, Erin. Love and peace, Regis.|
|Reviewed by jude forese
|good poem ... like the "widened man" image ...|