by Keighley Louise Perkins
Monday, December 22, 2003
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Another morning, another afternoon, another night,
Another battle to try to remain strong at heart
While thereís something deep inside urging me
Just telling me to let go and completely fall apart.
I wake up every morning and see the sunshine
And curse myself for even bothering to open up my eyes
I wonder why the hell did I wake up in the first place?
In my dreams thereís no need to cry.
I step back and take a look at the life I live
And I wonder if I can even start to call it that
The torment I suffer from is like a wave;
It keeps coming, disappearing and coming right back
Itís made me withdraw right into myself
Like a snail thatís scared what the future may bring,
Itís beginning to poison my mind
Making me think so many unthinkable things.
Everything gets me so frustrated
That the screams inside my head drown out everything else
I feel my soul kicking inside of me
And begin to wonder what has happened to myself
I keep having to suppress this anger inside
But like a raging fire it just keeps burning day and night
No matter how hard I fight it wonít be controlled
It burns through my mind, my soul making me forget whatís right.
Each time I have to explain my reasons for tears
Feels like the knife is being held out closer to my hand
Because, be fair, whatís worse than reliving it all
When you feel that no one could even give a damn?
Each word, each hug, each sideways glance
Is another step closer to the edge of the cliff
Sometimes I have to stop myself thinking:
Is death better than living through all of this?
I used to be afraid of death and all it brings
But now Iím more than willing to embrace it with open arms
Iíd prefer to be lying in a wooden box forever
Than to subject every fibre of me to any more harm.