It has been a year of hurt, depression, anger and confusion --
It has been year of introspection and self-growth.
I have cried endless tears over your change in feelings towards me.
I have begged and pleaded and argued with God.
I have faced intense anger, depression deeper than I thought possible.
I have learned to live with fear, gut-wrenching and suffocating in its intensity.
I questioned everything about our relationship asking:
“Did he ever truly love me – was it ever real?”
I wallowed in self-pity, indulging in feelings that I was not worthy of love.
And then I let go of that self-defeating sadness.
I tried to put you out of my heart.
I talked to myself logically, citing reason after reason why
I should not feel love for you.
But the heart is not a reasonable organ.
Casting you out would as cutting off my arm;
I would survive, but I would never be the same.
I have found strength in myself:
Through the sadness and depression I have found the ability to go on,
to get out of bed each day, deal with life and survive.
I have found friends who support me, care for me, who stand beside me.
I have found joy in my love for our children -- they are the best of us
They prove we were together for a worthwhile reason.
I have faced my own weaknesses and faults
Recognizing how they have contributed in bringing us to this point.
It would be easy to blame you for everything, but unfair,
and would provide no any self-improvement for me.
I see I took many things for granted
I see my failure to cherish what was truly valuable to me.
I blame myself for not seeing you were losing your sense of yourself,
That you were drowning and couldn’t reach to me for aid.
I grieve for out lost ability to communicate about the important things.
I can no longer turn to you -- you who were once my comfort,
my sense of home and safety, my other half
I stand alone – yet,
I have begun to accept this difficult path full of stumbling blocks the size of mountains.
I will get past being in love with you, letting it fade to simply loving you as a friend.
I believe you have to do what is right for you for it serves no purpose to stay unhappy.
I’m letting go of the anger, of the blame, of the bad feelings and of the pain.
I wanted to tell you one last time,
I love you,
I want to thank you for the years that were happy ones for me,
for a lifetime of special moments I will cherish always,
for giving me four children I love more than life,
for being the best friend I ever had,
for simply being in my life.