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Leland Waldrip

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Member Since: Aug, 2001

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Intra-rectus Hematoma — Good Thing It Wasn’t Serious!
by Leland Waldrip
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Not rated by the Author.
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Intra-rectus Hematoma — Good Thing It Wasn’t Serious!

Short dissertation on condition,
I gave months ago when “Possessed.”

Coughing, abs grabbed overt attention,
Spasmodic convulsions, obsessed.

My pains subsided, went dormant,
But left a third breast below rib cage,
Primary doc not good informant,
A surgeon I would engage.

Took weeks to appointment gain.
“An Intra-rectus hematoma case.”
“Would a name like that cause pain?”
“Vessel broke, blood filled inner space.”

CAT scan to ensure no herniation,
More waiting, day’s finally here,
One pint banana chalk libation,
Two hours to get CAT in gear.

CAT’s eye to swallow a man,
Rode a flat slab into donut.
Laser rotates at rim of can,
Each image, cross-section of gut.

Doc says, “Yes, it’s just as I thought,
You’ll be fine, it will dissipate,
Body will absorb, as it ought,
Good as new — a four month wait.

So I take it easy, in wife’s tender care,
She checks each belly muscle, every one,
 And I notice with her gentle probing there,
Intra-Erectus hematoma — but this one’s fun.

Rappahannock Books
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Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 2/20/2004

take two pills and call me in the morning :) and i won't charge you for it either :)

hope you're okay--you're like me, you laugh to keep from crying

(((((HUGS))))) and love, karla. :)
Reviewed by Floria Kelderhouse (Reader) 2/17/2004
Hey Leland...anyone who can turn drs. visits and tests and
worry into this humorous poem is a genius in my book...I hate
them all...tests..visits...and the bills...LOL...funny
funny write...loved the twist at the end...LOL...floria
Reviewed by Ronald Hull 2/16/2004
Man, a journey through unknown territory! I now know the difference between erectus, rectus, and rectum. Which reminds me, I ate something vile the other day, and it wrecked my tummy, tum, tum. ;-0. Get well soon.
Reviewed by M.Bennett Hooper (Mikii) 2/16/2004
Whew, glad you're better Leland for a moment you had me worried. For a moment I thought you had gallstones but that's another poem. Have a great day.
Reviewed by Simon Thurlow (Reader) 2/15/2004
Blimey, I had trouble with the title...then the actual body of the poem was even more tongue-twisting LOL

Hope you are feeling better Leland !!
Reviewed by Ted Sheridan (Reader) 2/15/2004
I had one of those, but returned it, of course I was charged a 15% restocking charge.
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 2/14/2004
Humor is good for healing. Thank you, Leland. Love and peace to you. Regis
Reviewed by Katy Walsvik 2/14/2004
Ok.. dear Leland... comparing it to a donut was, for my silly imagination, to suggest something tasty... you and I BOTH know that is far from the truth... but... but... I'm still left with the following: you ok? The poem is clever and revealing (to a point) I'm a worrier.. sigh.. 'the wife' sounds like even better hands than Allstate... good. I'll wait for your update. Aren't we something, we writers? Everything is fodder for a poem.. I do believe you could make studying a paper clip an enjoyable read. For me, anyway. hehe. Lovely (wink) katy xox.
Reviewed by Bonita Quesinberry 2/14/2004
Don'cha love their hyped up lingo! And, I so glad it wasn't serious, Leland; but, I'm betting you are eating up that TLC wife is giving you. Great write, put me right there in that machine and I don't wanna go there again. ~~BonnieQ
Reviewed by Nancy D. 2/14/2004
Listen to your doctor and enjoy the gentle probing.

Reviewed by Elizabeth Taylor (Reader) 2/14/2004
Why do I get the feeling you enjoyed this? [smiles] Perhaps all the gently probing?
[smiles] Elizabeth
Reviewed by Retta (Reindeer) Mckenzie 2/14/2004
Oh how terrible, I am glad it will heal on its own, Happy Valentine's Day!

Reviewed by andrea coltman 2/14/2004
Hunour leading to laughter is the best medicine!!! Great write..glad your wishes Andrea
Reviewed by OnepoetGem *the Poetic Rapper 2/14/2004
glad you're ok and had the humor to write about it L. take care. G
Reviewed by Tami Ryan 2/14/2004
So, it's true - there's always a silver lining, eh Leland? Thanks for the laugh, and I'm glad to hear that all is (more than) well. ~Tami
Reviewed by Kate Clifford 2/14/2004
I see you have the strength of humor by your side! :-) Great write!
Reviewed by Gwen Dickerson 2/14/2004
Hahaha! Leland, you're amazing. You've turned an informative lesson about a medical condition into a imaginative and humorous poem! I grimaced through initial stanzas, in empathy with your discomfort, however, I quickly began to grin and laught all the way through the last two stanzas! Well done, I enjoyed!
Reviewed by Alexandra* OneLight*® Authors & Creations 2/14/2004
**laughing**... Good grief, Leland! Only you could turn such an annoying thing into a gloriously funny one... and with such a pleasant conclusion. Good thing it wasn't serious, indeed, and a wonderful thing it is to take this with such good humour. Seriously... laughing is one of the best therapies. The other is... taking it easy, in tender care :0)
Seriously good and fun write, all the best to you, dear friend.
**Still laughing**
Reviewed by (Reader) 2/14/2004
Hi Leland,
I think a lot of the problem depends on whether you are left handed or right handed.
And apparently very painful, but it would appear the problem diminishes on massaging.

Though others problems can indeed become more apparent.

Like getting to grips with Tinka when she is in the mood, (you thought I was going to say something else there)
Aren’t comments on this site getting boring? one can now get banned for two full stops and a comma.
Glad you are still around to keep our joviality levels up to scratch.
all the best,
Hesione Rhadamanthus.

Reviewed by Pamela Kimmell 2/14/2004
Eeeek! Leland that sounds like fun (the nurse-probing part, not the CT Scan part). Hope that "something extra" in your gut indeed dissipates in a timely fashion....! This was really a fun read even though I know it hasn't been much fun for you to experience....(except for the nursing).
Reviewed by evan horetsky 2/14/2004
haha i enjoyed the ending a lot. I guess some good comes of everything:). Beautiful way of showing this trip to the "doc's" and I await the next one
Reviewed by E T Waldron 2/14/2004
Hahahhaha!;-) That finale is a riot! Leland, You are a whiz at descriptive poetry, changing boring facts into excitement and fun!Bravo! Hope it's gone soon! Leave it to you to get one I never heard of;-)
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 2/14/2004
I agree with Jerry!!

………………...*** ?

Love Tinka
Reviewed by Helga Ross 2/14/2004
Leland, I'm in stitches!
They started when I read the title, even before I saw your name as author!
Hurrah! You sustained my doubled-over tempo throughout!
Now I have a pain in my gut--- Oh-oh!
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader) 2/14/2004
Well, Leland, sometimes you have to just relax and let the good nursey do what she does best.
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