Dining out has it’s commonalities, yet one in particular has managed to creep it’s way into almost every dining out experience, regardless of how nice the establishment. It’s the annoying Rose Lady. “Rosas for the pretty lady?” Now let’s put aside the awkward pressure to “man up” and buy your date some rag-weed, half dead, piece of crap the Rose Lady offers to you and your date. Let’s put aside those random occasions when you’ve been stupid enough (or drunk enough) to cave in and actually take one of those shriveled plants off this poor gypsy’s hands. Let’s put aside how stupid you and your date look for the rest of the evening dragging around that rose like an “I’m a sucker” sticker on your foreheads.
Here’s my question: what does that poor little gypsy lady do when she come across that table with the cute gay couple staring into each other’s eyes? I mean, does she simply pass them by? She better not, I for one say equal rights! Embarrassing situations should be delivered on an equal-opportunity basis and one’s sexual preference should not preclude them from the same romantic dining experience as any other couple. I say then, if we do indeed assume for a brief moment that we have access into the mind of the Rose Lady, what decision matrix must she follow? I mean, which guy does she approach with the fucking rose?
Which guy does she assume is, well, the stronger or more “manly” of the relationship on this romantic evening? From my own extensive research into the intricacies of the typical homosexual male relationship, and the roles each plays within, the “man” is always played by the male who loves the woman inside the other man, which means that the other man is obviously “bottom guy.” I’m just saying, this is according to Showtime and HBO, two very reliable sources on male-pattern homo-socio relationship tendencies.
So my question still stands, how does the Rose Lady tell who’s who? Does one guy look more like a giver than a receiver? Let’s assume for a moment that her vast experience as the Rose Lady has enabled her to instinctively make this decision without missing a beat—what reaction then, does she get when she’s occasionally wrong? As a straight male, the only thing I can compare the feeling that must be going through the “man’s” head is how I felt when someone referred to me as “ma’am” over the phone. I was seven years old…ok, I was seventeen, my family doctor said my voice was a little slow to develop…but I digress…
As an answer to my original Rose Lady question, I’ve concluded that bottom guy would indeed have to be considered the “woman” as opposed to the “man” of the relationship. He is the “gayer” male in the relationship and makes this very apparent in most cases. He is the guy who needs the feminine side of him to be heard and understood. He is the guy that wishes he had been born a woman. And make no mistake, at dinner he is the guy that eventually ends up getting the rose, every single time.
My entire life I have been absolutely lost in thought as to how other cultures may perceive these common everyday occurrences that we all take for granted. The Rose Lady question is but one of many that I often ask myself when thinking about how common occurrences I experience may also be common to those outside my own sociological point of reference, like the homosexual community. In my limited interactions with both homosexual men and women, I have very often met those who exude, represent, and fully exhibit the attributes of the word “Gay.” Not in the first meaning that comes to mind, I mean in the true st sense of the word; of being completely and utterly happy at all times. Some of the most fun loving free spirited persons I will ever have the opportunity to meet have been gay. I can only believe that this exuberance is caused by the freedom one must have by being totally detached from this enormously massive, yet small-minded society, a basic “fuck you” to the rest of us. But still,I wonder how things are perceived from that side. So, I have little conversations or “chats” with myself.
Like, does the guy who’s taking it up the ass have an erection during sex? I mean, the fucker’s gettin’ some, right? Shouldn’t his dick be hard? If he’s always the “bottom guy,” I feel sorry for the poor bastard. I mean, he’s getting the shaft, literally in more ways than one. How the hell could he possibly have an orgasm from sex? I’m just guessing here, but getting it up the ass can’t possibly make this happen for a guy.
On the other hand, if he’s completely flaccid and he’s always the bottom guy, that sucks as well (pardon the pun), because having sex while un-aroused is like trying to satisfy a starving appetite by eating rice cakes, but then again, what the hell do I know?
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