There were times when he just plain...got on her nerves! Wherever she went, seems he'd always show up. Like that time a couple of weeks ago when she and her co-workers decided to get together on a Friday evening after work. Boy, was she having a good time! There was food, groovy music and she had a joint of grass in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. She was just about to do a barefoot solo to one of her favorite songs, when out of the blue...there he was...standing there with that...that...look that she hated. It wasn't condescending or judgmental...it was...oh! She didn't know what it was, but it irked her to no end. She ended up stalking out with every one looking at her like she had lost her mind....and...and it had to stop!
She wanted to end the relationship, but for some reason she couldn't. She needed him...deep down inside, she knew she did...it was scary. And that wasn't the only thing that was bothering her...she was becoming aware of something else; she was 'hurting' him. Yes...that was it! That was the look in his eyes. It was a look of hurt, of disappointment. And though she acted like she didn't understand why...she did. He was hurt because he had proven himself to her time and time again. Whatever she did, he always forgave...always gave her another chance. He tolerated her spurts of anger and total disrespect, not because he had to, or was supposed to, but because....he loved her.
There was no question in her mind of how much he cared, and now she was feeling angry with herself. She was angry because she had to admit that she was totally confused. Something was happening that she didn't understand. Even though she didn't want to own up to it...she was, in fact, growing tired. Tired...of taking advantage of him. She was finding it hard to go on ignoring what a good friend he continued to be to her in spite of her behavior. Daily, she received from him and took...never giving back anything in return except maybe, a bland 'thank you' every now and then.
But the thing that really was bothering her lately...the thing that she was desperately, but futily trying to stop...was this new feeling of 'guilt'. Guilt was steadily growing inside of her and she could no longer lie to herself that it wasn't there. She knew he didn't deserve the way she treated him. He hadn't done anything to warrant the hurt she inflicted upon him. In fact, she was aware that she enjoyed the fruits of his labor and his bountiful provisions, but then she selfishly expected him to take her shallow treatment. She could no longer convince herself that the worldly jests she hurled at him were swallowed because...he was fashioned to do so...fashioned to expect it. None of this was true ...she had seen it in his eyes.
So it was...that somewhere in her heated debate with herselef, as to what was right and what was wrong, she decided she would at least 'try' to appreciate him more. She would try to treat him as well as she treated any of her other 'friends'. And she considered the fact that one didn't deliberately hurt a friend, one didn't outlandishly use a friend. Even though one knew they could and would probably get away with it...they didn't, because they 'valued' the friendship. But how...she wondered? How could she show him that she appreciated him. He had everything ...really. And anyway, it seemed all he wanted was her. All he desired from her was that she would 'try' to love him in return.
She took it slow...one day at a time. Change was not going to come over night. She figured the first step should be to acknowledge that she had treated him wrong. She asked him to forgive her for all the times she hurt him. She admitted to him that she needed him....for the rest of her life...she needed him! She promised that she would try to never again 'deliberately' hurt him. She might 'err' being human, but never again would she blatantly and unashamedly stomp on his sacrifice...his love.
And little by little...she came to know him better, becoming more 'accepting' of him. The attention she once scorned, was now beginning to be relished... to the point where, feelings grew and his constant presence was expected...wanted...enjoyed. They continued to 'bond' and she soon found herself going out of her way to do things that pleased and delighted him.
However, the ultimate thing that happened was too wonderful! And it was something that pleased them both immensely. She didn't know when, or even exactly how it had happened, but...she found herself totally in love with him! His name....? Jesus.
copyright; 09/06/09(edited 9/13/10)jmsbell