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JMS Bell

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The 'Him'
By JMS Bell
Saturday, October 31, 2009

Rated "PG" by the Author.

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The Road that leads to Our Lord and Savior is not an easy one...there are many heartaches along the way...and if we are not careful, we forfeit the treasure of finding out that indeed...there is...a Balm in Gilead. Many say to forgive is to forget...I don't agree; I say to forgive is to 'cease from pain' and to 'cease hating or condemning'. I don't think one should ever 'forget' the bridge that brought them over or the reason one was on that bridge in the first place. This is a story of forgiveness -true forgiveness and the rewards of it.(A fellow den member(Georg Mateos) recommended that one listen to Adagio ur Concierto de Aranjuez while reading his work(O Lost Son)...I listened and the more I listened the more I felt one of 'His Inspirations' filling me...this is what came forth...

     ...How did she get in that sterile place?! She later did she get in that...that room, which looked so clean. Yet...harbored within its off-white colored walls, were the silent and hidden screams of...sinews, underdeveloped bones and tissues...smells...of innocent death. What was she doing there...??!! Afterall, she had a man...a man who was suppose to care for her...who was more than just a familiar lover or an 'once in a while' night time companion...he was her husband.

       Her husband. Her better half...the object of her sole affections...the one she adored and worshipped. The man she loved with every ounce of her being! And that's why...that's why...she had questioned. She could not have heard correctly...had she? Had she heard right...had she understood...the words that he spat out at her? Frantically, her mind sought for an 'anchor' to hold on to.  There were children that had to be considered...weren't there? There was a daughter - his,  another daughter - hers, a son - his and hers, but now he had said...what?!! Had...he...said, he did not 'want' this child? 'Their' child? The child that she was, in fact, then carrying? No! Oh no!...he did not...could not...have said such a thing! Still...she couldn't deny the engraved image of him stomping his feet...his face angry and frowning like he had just heard the most terrible news in the world. My God!...she had screamed silently, wake me up! Please! I must be dreaming!

     She recalled how she had endured the empty bed...empty nights. When he did come home...his warmth, his hot hands, his one-of-a-kind 'warm milk' smell, somehow made up for the days of his absence. The fact that the 'other woman'...the beautiful young temptress, had just recently had her second son  for him, though hard, could  be ignored...again. But...she could never forgive the look of pure contempt ...the adamant tone of rejection that dictated his actions towards her. A rejection of the life she carried said to her soul...what it did not want to hear; I no longer love you or value you, nor do I want anything that comes from you!

     She had sought counseling from some so-called 'family' members, but they were no help. They said they 'understood' how she felt and she should follow his desires...but the final decision was hers.  So...she found herself in that 'sterile' place...contributing to its history... of death.

     And then...things changed. Her feelings for him were no longer the same. His once 'yearned for' love making, within arms that started a flame, which only his waters could seemed  to her, as a rape. A rape...not by a human being, but by some sort of 'unbearable' act. And, even before she left him and ventured out on her own,  her search had begun.

     It was maddening....the quest to feel needed, loved, was a wretched life.  She foolishly ignored obvious warnings...plodding on, pining to be loved...she had nothing else. Even her children took a back seat to her desire to find love. She went down paths where every new pair of arms offered, what she thought was, love. And for a few fleeting moments, she belonged...she was somebody's... woman. 

    When they finally separated, she and her ex met from time to so many do, for 'old times sake'. They even decided to try again. But a 'tainted' ointment had been spilt upon their portrait and ruined it...beyond repair. A child came forth from this effort...a little girl...destined not to know the protective presence of a father in her life. Thus...the 'selfish' search continued... and along the way a son was produced from one of her 'brief' affairs. Still...her 'thirst' was not quenched and she continued to seek...futilly.

     Then, mercifully...'He'...came. Tenderly and compassionately...He came. Cajoling...with promises of peace, eternal life and His love... forever. It was not easy...she walked with Him on and off, at first. But eventually, she learned to trust Him. She began to change...she no longer wanted to be the 'receptable' of  'overnight stands'.  And over a period of time, she stopped hurting. She was forgiven...and she learned to forgive.

No...things would never be 'patched up' between her and her ex ... they divorced. The  eros love so necessary for a marriage was gone, but agapy love, as she had for all mankind, was there. She could give him credit for what he was; an extremely good son and she could, sincerely,  from her heart, wish him the rich blessings of true love.            

     And she...? She had at last found the kind of love that had been searched for, so deperately...all those years. It was a love that made up for all of her pain and emptiness. It was...the Love of Jesus. And she found that Jesus' Love was more...much, much more...than a mere, love affair.   



                                                  Jer 8:22

                                          copywrite; l0/31/2009 


       Web Site: JMS Bell writer/poet

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Reviewed by Teresa Walker 6/8/2012
I loved this story Joyce! Our God is so good and seeking him, we will have answers one way or his other. My freedom came when my ex spouse wanted his freedom and independence. I did not know I was shackled and imprisoned by mans ways until freedom brought me back! "Kudos" my new friend!
Teresa Walker
Reviewed by J Howard 1/8/2012
no man can compete with HIS love, HIS care, HIS thought for us. lovely story...the truth is sometime not what is expected but is memorable
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 4/17/2010
Thank you for sharing this most meaningful story, Joyce; it is very compelling from start to finish. Love and blessings to you,

Reviewed by 000 000 3/8/2010
To witness for our LORD! Thank you for sharing
Reviewed by Inspire Hope 11/2/2009
A powerful heart rendering story, with a beautiful ending
leading to "The Him" Excellent Joyce!

Much Love,
Reviewed by Brenda Dobson 11/1/2009
Joyce, this is POWERFUL piece of writing. A story that needs to be shared with others. Have you thought submitting it to magazines for publishing consideration. May I share it with my Journaling2 group when we meet in the spring. Blessings Always, Brynn :)
Reviewed by Melissa Mendelson 11/1/2009
It's horrible to think of throwing away a life, and such a toll could weigh a thousand burdens upon one's shoulder. But I know faith has led me through my darkest hours, and its power can heal even the deepest of wounds.
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 11/1/2009
Wonderful write with an important message; very well penned, Joyce!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :)
Reviewed by Georg Mateos 11/1/2009
There is no excuse anytime anywhere to say that a gestating child is not wanted. Some people can't, wouldn't, don't know how to forgive, even with His help, the abyss is so eternal deep that an eternity will not suffice to reach, of unforgiving, its bottomless end.


Reviewed by Ann Marquette 11/1/2009
Ah the trials we go through...the pain and suffering, until we learn to let Jesus be our love, our best friend, our sanctuary, our guide.

Thank you for sharing your story.

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