Updated: 1/25/14 What is the difference between love and desire?
Updated: 12/1/13 What is Sexual Regret?
Updated: 11/22/13 How Often Do Couples Make Love?: New Study
Updated: Hookups and Orgasms
Updated; The Health Benefits of Sex
Updated: Sex and Masturbation and Penis Size
Updated: The Number One Secret to Female Orgasm?
Updated: 1/8/13 Christian Evangelical Sex Practices
Updated 6/11/12 Five new videos demonstrating the techniques of the Whole Body Experience
Partner Help in Breathing
Updated : 5-21-11 What The Body Knows About Love
Helping the Body With Stress After A Long Day
The Touch Which Does Not Touch
She said, "Everyone talks about what love feels like
but no one speaks of the cracking sensation, the thunderbolt revelations, the orgasmic earthquake that splits the soul
and threatens to obviate-no does obviate-heart, mind, body and soul-The Whole Body Orgasm."
'It happened to me," she said, 'and frightened me so
that I have sought to avoid it happening again because I feared to repeat what might destroy the me I had grown comfortable with.
I sat rapt listening.
'So tell me what is this splitting, body scream, beyond
'It is a body quake: it is shattering, and it changes you-
changes who you are-when it happens; that is why many never allow it again."
'Ok, give me some more detail.'
She said 'Ok, have you ever in making love felt your legs begin to shake uncontrollably and you could not make them stop?
'That is the beginning.
You feel, too, a deep sadness and joy as well and you begin to cry.
This is a soul-quake.'
'Sadness for every time in your life you made love
and did not feel love, made love with someone you did not
feel love for, for every time you had sex without feeling sexy;
for all the hurts and harms lodged not in the heart but in the
body itself, not in the head, but in arms and limps, jaws, throat
eyes-all of you.
This is the sadness which pours out' she said.
"The WBO, when making love, opens the doors to the soul
to let in the love in but that door also allows all past memories and any past unlove to flood out as well.
Because to know love is to recognize all the times where there was no love in the bed. To know better is to be more body-wise and you cry.
The body cries, it shakes, because it is allowing everything in and therefore is also allowing everything out. The muscles don't know which way to go, the tension is rife and the shaking is indeed the in vs. the out -manifesting that tension.
Your breathing hyperventilates and you can't stop the deep sobs and wailing wails. You try to suppress it but you can't.
Once started the ocean cannot put back the waves;
cannot re-cork the bottle, re-insert the bad memories
because this one, this one body explosion cannot be denied, has come alive, now lives and can never be put back into the body's bottle. The soul explodes not from the mind but from within in the body, the heart loves and makes the body yield, the spirit moves through body limbs.
You try to get up and walk but you are dizzy,
your legs are too weak.
You don't want to be seen this way, so vulnerable. You may laugh crazily.
Something has possessed you, some power you were previously unaware of in your body has wrenched you from this planet in an instant and you have lost all control. You lip-bite and twist in that agonized pleasure only the body can give.
You long to merge with whoever is near. It is the body which reaches out to another body there and clings to it for anchoring against the Swept Away.
I found myself,' she said "standing at my own front door unaware of how I had gotten there and my partner's voice asking if I was alright.
'That' she said, 'was the most I have ever felt. And the ones who feel it once many times want it to never to happen again.
'That,' she said" is what is called a Whole Body Orgasm.
'Here's what you do:
First don't do it alone. It might be too much the first time.
Lie back, spread till you feel vulnerable and start long slow breathing
deep inhale, really long slow exhales until you feel your body shudder. Emphasize the long exhale and let the diaphragm soften, not get hard or rigid.
You should begin to feel dizzy; your body will naturally make pelvic motions and thrusts. You might feel anger.
That is ok.
Stop if you get too dizzy.
No more than ten and then stop. Shouldn't do more than you can handle.
Let the tingling and the dizziness take over your entire body.
Then after slow breathing, try panting, with the same softening diaphragm.
After dizzy you might start to get emotional, want to laugh, want to cry, maybe feel anger, or get scared.
This means you have passed the first step. After all, all orgasms involve breathing heavy. We are talking about doing it right.
More tomorrow on what comes next.
Some of you have asked for part three so here goes.
Here we want to expand upon part 2.
The point to be demonstrated is that the whole body orgasm can be achieved without touching or very little touching.
Correct breathing causes orgasms, along with mental readiness.
Why should this be so?
Well let’s do an exercise to see if this theory makes any sense.
However, do not do this alone, since results can be tricky. Have a friend nearby and I make no claim and caution those who do not follow the advice given here--these are powerful exercises.
First no alcohol, no cigarettes, no drugs. These mask mind and body feelings and blunt the effect we are trying to achieve, that is a body quake.
Second have a quiet space and time to try this so as to allow you to make sounds without having the neighbor’s call 911.
Lie back and move to a vulnerable position that is spread-eagle. We want you to feel as vulnerable as possible and spread eagle is best.
Think of it as making snow angels.
Hands above the head feet spread and then begin slow breathing, big inhale and big slow exhale to the point where the diaphragm begins to shake.
Crucially, keep the diaphragm soft on the exhale. A rigid diaphragm means you are not doing it correctly and fighting the breathing. No soft breathing deep breathing.
Pay attention to your breathing. Shallow breathing creates low brain oxygen and that is bad. Do deep breathing; slowly but really emphasize the exhale.
Do ten of these and pay attention to what your body is reflecting back to you.
Dizziness, tingling, giddiness, feelings of sadness, feelings of laughter, or disorientation may occur.
Press on but if frightened, stop breathing for a while and work up to that edge point again and press on past it at your own pace. It could be another night before you try it again. No hurry.
Don't have to do everything in one session.
Next you want to let your pelvis move up on the exhale. This is a natural reflex and response to breathing and is, of course, a sexual movement.
Your pelvis is moving up and back toward your head with a soft diaphragm.
Do you allow this during sex? If not practice. Up and back, not down and away.
A relaxed genital area makes the sex and the orgasm go down better.
A rigid pelvis, bated breath and a hard diaphragm will not an orgasm make.
So here we were breathing and now we want to get the hang of it and go twenty deep breaths and so on.
Our initial goal is getting up to fifty.
Deep exhale, soft diaphragm, active pelvis, spread eagle.
After fifty you want another factor to come into play, that of the relaxed
To achieve a relaxed middle area you may have to tuck your feet underneath your buttocks if you can do that. If not get a pillow or something for lift.
Bend the feet backwards so heels touch buttocks and tuck underneath.
This will force the middle area and the vaginal wall muscles to relax. Breathe in this position for a while to get the hang of it.
Now breathing like this works not only during a session but is excellent to ward off panic attacks, fear, anger etc. Do the breathing any time you feel the need.
Taking deep breaths is always good advice.
This exercise is not really new. It is like Yoga. Yoga, however, seeks control over breathing, here we are not seeking control but seeking to discover our body and its sexual responses and its 'blocks' which often reside in our muscles, our face, our eyes, our hands, our genitals, our diaphragm. These are where we carry our harms and hurts from the past and breathing allows them to be released so we can move past them.
The attitude and posture in all of this is surrender and softening up the body, not rigid, resisting or fighting.
Now breathing may be difficult for people who, like runners, already have deep breathing patterns. They might need muscle manipulations on specific areas of the body to bring out the muscle history where the tensions reside and breathing alone is sometimes not enough them. A partner might need to help and I will talk about how that works later.
Also a partner might be helpful to keep you motivated. But more on partner later in part four--where we introduce exercises for men.
5-20-11 How a Partner Can Help
Now the partner in all this must be aware of the role of the body in these exercises and be willing to actively help.
The first principle is that while breathing the helper must be willing to do massage of various parts of the body.
What could be better! The breather gets a massage out of it if nothing else.
We start at the top of the head and will work down the body ending at toes. (Wonderful!) It's all for science.
We can't go into great detail here and now but let’s get started with a few preliminary points.
The body is the seat of congealed stress. Stress in our lives in fact become lodged in the muscles of our bodies, but also in our eyes, in our throat, in our neck muscles, in our diaphragm in our hands, in our arms, fingers etc.
First question before, during and after a breathing session is "Where does it feel tight or tingling?"
Absent this targeted approach a general approach and short assessment massage might start with a scalp massage, or a brain massage.
Lightly. Note parts of the body have "feelings" and can often react to a lack of symmetry in applying a massage. If you massage one arm and not the other there is a reaction from the other arm. But more on that later.
A head massage, then the jaws muscles. There is a lot of tension there, Then the eyes, (they are closed, of course, but gently please folks. In fact around the eye sockets is better for the ham-fingered. Just lightly. Then the below the eyes cheek-bone areas, gentle strokes putting just enough pressure to reach the bone structure beneath. (Does it get much better than this?"
Then to the sides of the head, the ears, and then down to the neck. Probe getting feedback from the partner as to what feels good, what is tingly, what is numb with no feeling and the like. You are learning your partner’s body and allowing that body to fall in love with you.
Heads don't fall in love, bodies do.
Next the upper arms, the neck and its nape. Gentle probing, deep tissue probes come latter, and all the while each partner breathes in unison. If either of you stop breathing or try to talk during these exercises you are avoiding feeling the exercises. No talking, just feeling and breathing.
Humm, more next time.
5-21-11 John and Yoko Breathe
A totally different use of breathing, aside from Yoga breathing exercises, is in the example of exercises tried by John Lennon and Yoko Ono in the early 70's. They wanted to use breathing to deal with childhood anger and this involved a lot of pillow pounding and acting out exercises to get the individual to act out the anger and thereby get past and through it.
Lennon and Ono are perhaps the most well-known practitioners of these anger exhorting sessions, however, I stress that is not what I outline above. The exercises above in this blog are designed to increase sexual pleasure.
The Lennon variety is a variant without the sex component (too radical in the 70's to put that forward) rather the exercises they did do under Arthur Janov, made radical changes in the character, music and ideas of Lennon and showed up markedly in the album the "John Lennon/ Plastic Ono Band. There Lennon actually does "primal scream" imitations (the name given these exercises.)
That album included songs directly related those breathing sessions, entitled, "Remember", "I Found Out", "God", "Mother", "Working Class Hero" and the incredible "My Mummy's Dead."
I will post the later in audio.
Lennon broke with Janov after four months, essentially denouncing the latter but still maintained how incredibly useful the sessions had been and stated they had changed his life. They did. Lennon became a Peace supporter, went to bed publically with Ono, sought environmental changes, quit drugs, quit the Beatles, and took his life onto a totally different path, until his unfortunate assassination.
But note Primal Scream breathing is about reliving anger, and Lennon succeeded, in fact facing his past demons and past memories.
The above in this blog is about enhancing sexual functioning and that is totally different, although a lot of this stuff gets lumped together.
I want to un-lump them here.
So we get back to the exercises tomorrow now that we have drawn distinctions.
5-22-11 What We Learn Here About Love
Now before we plunge on here let’s stop for a moment and digest what we can learn here about the nature of love.
We can go back to body techniques in the next chapter but we should also have an intellectual understanding of how sexual feelings and love are related.
First love comes second in this theory of relating because body reactions, sight, sound, smell, and feelings, generally come first. We most times fall in love overtime but react to individuals instantly with our senses.
Now if the body has blocks this in effect blocks feelings and therefore love is difficult. We think and feel in our bodies. What else is there? So the body is the temple of the soul and the carrier of all things love related.
Now if for any reason I have shut down certain feelings in my body, in my genitals, this blocks the emotion foundation love needs (most people would not even know they were doing it.) But let’s take a now non-sexual example; if you squint all the time and have been squinting all your life, you would not be aware of the squinting and even if you did you wouldn't necessarily know how to stop it.
I had a habit of clinching my teeth, and my dentist at age twenty-five told me I had the strongest jaw muscles of any patient her had ever seen. He had trouble getting to my wisdom teeth.
I went away wondering what those tight jaws were all about. Two days later I had a day-time memory which hit me in the face. It was a memory of someone I had not thought about for years. But the point here is that the memory of the person made me remember a specific nasty incident connected with that individual which made me remember that I had reacted to the incident by tightening my jaws. And, I had kept the habit all my life, in this case as a protective reaction--one which has "congealed" in the very muscles of my jaw.
And now the good part. As I pondered the memory and the nasty incident I did not clamp down, I opened my mouth as wide as I could and broke through the memory, the fear, and the muscles, all at the same time.
Instantly I felt those tight jaw muscles loosen up for the first time in years. I was 25 at the time and now tuned into my body and started to pay attention what my body tensions were telling me.
Now imagine those tensions are in the eyes, the shoulders, the back, in and around you know where, in the diaphragm etc. So I began like inspector Clousseu to investigate each area of my body and worked on waking it up and more importantly trying to stop the sources and the habit which daily keep those tense areas tense.
Ok, sorry for the digression but I thought this might be helpful for some.
Everyone should do a daily body-tension inventory and a breathing inventory--sort of like a tune-up.
But the point of this little rant is that for love to happen and succeed the body must be ready too.
And the second corollary: to shut down the body is to shut down the possibilities of love.
And third a shutdown body makes it very difficult for love to get in or be acknowledged in the body because for love to be received, we must un-loosen those muscles which encase it and let out those old memories, fears and troubles.
And some of us don't want to do that, because of the pain associated with it.
But we must in order to completely love anything, anybody, or even ourselves.
This stuff is designed to help those who at least want to try. For many this will work but for others, there are other things they might try.
Nothing is guaranteed in life.
I had one lady say to me "I started this and it was working with me but I didn't want it to work with "Him!"
Well, she had a point.
But note that if a person is angry at their partner that anger will show up in the body, not just in the emotions and therefore, cause sexual issues as well. Chronic anger manifests itself in the body tissues as well.
More tomorrow--Lets Play Around the World in the Human Body.
5-25-11 Specifics for the Partner
These are preliminary notes for the partner so that the experience is a good one for each person involved. The rules:
1. If the session becomes too emotional stop work only at the breather's pace. Don't become a martinet.
2. Identify which parts of the body the breather feels is reacting and gently test that part with gentle probes. Sometimes it will be sensitive to touch of even if hurt in that particularly stressed part of the body.
3. Gently touch the diaphragm so as to encourage the breather to collapse and soften that muscle on the exhale which should do so on the exhale until the breather shudders. Shuddering is essential.
4. Breath with the partner in unison if possible. Your breathing reminds the partner to breath.
5. This is not yet about sex but is about comforting. The breather is going through emotions of a different kind, those lodged in the body. So this is not foreplay.
6. Don't be in a hurry, take all the time you and the breather needs. Remember this is not just about breathing in special sessions. It is about changing the habits of breathing such that you and your partner learn to breathe differently and learning how to do that will reduce stress, give you new tools to cope with life and improve sexual feelings and a sense of sexuality.
7. In any event understand that breathing will give the breather a sense of losing control. That is the tough part. Most people don't want to lose control and have to be shown that it’s ok in certain circumstances.
8. Remember even if nothing happens you and the partner are sharing intimacy, something emotional and real and touching. That makes it worth it no matter what.
9. This way of relating after a stressful day helps the body recover.
10. Even with a couple going through tough times, fighting and mistrust will be helped by doing this two or three times a week. And you can see why.
No sex just touching and breathing is the way back to reconciliation.
So you see a lot can be gained from trying this stuff out.
5-26-11 The Touch That Is Not
The partner has a few more responsibilities which I had forgotten to mention.
1-During breathing we want the breather and the partner to do open mouth breathing, not closed mouth breathing. Open mouth allow the jaw muscles to come into play and helps with the deep exhales we are seeking.
2. Now we are ready to double back to the notion of the touch less orgasm. Here is how that happens. Touching of course is part of the process but the first aspect is that of the touch less touch. The human body produces a great deal of electricity. (The electrical field surrounding the body has been photographed) and in fact the brain is an electrical organ with neurons firing off constantly making for motion, thought, feelings and ideas.
But also the surface of the body that is the skin is the largest organ in the body and it produces enormous amounts of static electricity which literally fires off like static electricity from crossing a rug.
What we want to do is utilize that natural electricity in our breathing exercises.
First the partner open-palm puts his or her hand as close to the skin without actually touching the surface of the skin. What happens is that the static electricity between extended palm and finger tips will jump the gap and a minor lightning strike occurs.
Specifically, try an open palm covering the face. Close and close but not touching, making slow circular motions. Now the partner also imagines that the electricity in his or her body is going to surge out through the open palm and make electrical contact with the skin surface on the breather’s body.
We can actually control the flow of this static electricity by visualizing it jumping the gap. We must be imagining this in order for it to work and the attitude is there one of giving and be a loving gesture.
(I know it sounds strange but it happens and even if it doesn't it is a very trusting building exercise for the breathing. Close as possible without touching.
Now with those circular movements go to other parts of the body. Let your imagine roam here but open palm all of the areas of the body. This puts the partner in contact with body areas that carry tension as well as feel the energy positive and negative associated with various parts of the body. It also puts to the side sexual intents for the time being while the breathing commences.
This is around the world, go head to toe. It is music and it is becoming acquainted with the electrical nature of the body and what it can do in the breathing process.
What to expect? Everyone is different but some people get afraid of this touch less touch, recoil, some become aware of the way various parts of the body react to this, some jerk away, some get turned on, some feel vulnerable.
But note this exercise makes the breather aware of the ever so many parts of their body which have never been touched by another human being, and it can be absolutely riveting and revealing.
What parts are those you ask. Here is a partial list. Most people have never:
1-Had the muscles between there ribs massaged by a pressing finger time, from sternum all the way around to the back.
2-Never had an eye massage
3-Never had a cheek bone massage.
4-Never had a diaphragm massage.
5-Never had birth scars touched lovingly
6.Never had surgical scars touched lovingly
7-Never had their stomachs (which many think are ugly) touched lovingly
Our goal here in part is to touch not touch the parts of the body which people think are ugly, have never been touched before or rejected, therefore are likely sites of heavy tension.
We then continue moving down the body. Ah, but let’s cover that tomorrow.
"According to the National Opinion Research Center, the average American couple reports having sex 66 times a year. Newsweek has noted that 15% to 20% of couples have sex less than 10 times a year, which is defined as a "sexless" marriage."