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Donna Hale Chandler

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By Donna Hale Chandler
Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Rated "G" by the Author.

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Being retired is a whole new way of life, beginning with where you live and including how you drive your car. Here are some helpful rules for all you new Retirees out there.



Living in a 55+ community has a lot of pluses.  I know because I live in one.  No longer do you have to take care of your own lawn, roof repair, or any of the upkeep you run into when living in a house.  Also, at your disposal is probably a heated pool, shuffle board courts, tennis courts, a billiards room, and library, just to name a few of the many amenities.
Should you decide to make this your life style once you retire, there are a few rules that you should study, memorize, and follow faithfully.
1. Complain daily.  (Here are just a few subjects to choose from:)
A.       The pool is too hot/cold.
B.        The lawn workers and trash men make too much noise.
C.        There are too many Love Bugs.
D.        A neighbor parked in the wrong space.
E.         The building next door received new shrubs, but your building didn't.
      F.        The Board Of Directors doesn't know what they're doing.
G.       Maintenance payments are unfairly expensive
(You get the idea.The list could go on through all eternity.) 
2.  Make sure you keep track of how many times each maintenance man rides by your residence on his golf cart.
3.  Keep track of your neighbors and their guests. Know how often they come and how long they stay.
4.  If you hear a rumor, make sure you pass it along,  it just might actually be true .
5.  If you wear a hearing aid, leave it home when you attend meetings so you will be able to request that conversations be repeated.
6.  Remind yourself often that the rules apply to all of your neighbors but not to you.
7.  If water is included in your maintenance fee, wash your car every day.  Then complain when the new budget is adjusted 'upwards' because of the increase in water fees.
You will not be spending all your time in your own little community.  Occasionally you will need to venture out into the real world.  As a new retiree you should also know that you've earned certain rights.
1.  Turn signals are only for looks.  They really serve no useful purpose.
2.  It is perfectly fine to drive in the left lane at 10 to 15 miles below the speed limit.  Anyone in a hurry can pass you on the right.
3.  Don't worry about making a left turn from the right lane, younger drivers have faster reflexes, they'll get out of your way.

4.  When all the handicapped parking spaces are full, it's perfectly all right to sit and wait for the owner to return.  Do not worry about the line of cars behind you.
5.  If you want to go out to lunch, be sure to go exactly at noon.  Working people with a 30 or 45 minute break won't mind waiting.
6.  When you go to the grocery store, always park your cart in the middle of the aisle, walk away and pretend not to see those other shoppers who would like to get by.
7.  ALWAYS ask for you senior discount.
Please keep in mind that this is just a partial listing.  You're retired now.  You've earned the right to do what you want, say what you want, anytime you want.

© copyright Donna Hale Chandler



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Reviewed by J Howard 9/5/2011
i am not there yet, but not so far off, so to be prepared, so... just what is a LOVE BUG???
fun always,
Reviewed by Mary Lacey, Desertrat 11/17/2010

This was hilarious! I wrote a review a minute ago, but the computer kicked me, just let me say I truly enjoyed this.

Reviewed by Mark Lichterman 8/21/2010
Yeah, Donna, most of what you say is pretty much true. I live in a wonderful "bed-room" sub-division called "North Shore" in Westlake Village, California. I've lived here for twenty four years and by now we're actually starting to rotate back to some younger families. Actually it's pretty neat because (my wife having passed away six years ago) my girlfriend (age 66) lives right next door to me (I'm 76) and most new people think that we're married and have such a great relationship because we live is separate houses.
Reviewed by D Johnson 6/9/2010
I am retired, I live in a senior affordable housing, retirement center, and trust me all of your complaints and more can be heard while riding up or down one of two elevators. I have 320 neighbors, separated only by thin walls and balcony's on 7 floors. It does get interesting. Oh yeah, I love retirement...the money sucks, but I get by.

Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 6/8/2010
LOL Hilarious story, Donna; LOVE it! LOL Thanks for the giggles; well done!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D

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