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Tom Hyland

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Books by Tom Hyland
Bigfoot?
By Tom Hyland
Posted: Monday, September 24, 2007
Last edited: Monday, September 24, 2007
This short story is rated "PG13" by the Author.
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Recent stories by Tom Hyland
· And Yet Another Way Corporations SCREW The People!
· TIMES ?
· CHICKEN SCRATCHES ?
· DADDY ... ADDENDUM
· DADDY, WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE MILITARY?
· THREE LITTLE ... EDS !
· ALL MY CARS - PART 2
           >> View all 81
ED... WELL DONE!

The following FRACTURED FAIRYTALE was just SQUISHED together, as a REVIEW of one of MR. ED's recent poems "The Snap of a Twig."

Albeit about a month PREMATURE, didn't want to wait to post it later... 'cause I might forget, as I have been accused of having "SOMETIMERS!"

ED... WELL DONE!



BIGFOOT ???

Copyright: 9/25/07 - Tom Hyland


OH - HE IS REAL ALRIGHT... don't you remember? Several years ago HE had his own TV show, he lived with a nice family, and I think his name was HARRY! YEAH --- that's it... HARRY & THE HENDERSON'S !!!

HARRY TWIG-SNAPPER, of course ... like a nom de plume, that was only his STAGE NAME.

His real name was Yeti Sasquatch, and like many actors, he was Jewish. He was originally born in Transylvania, and raised by his Uncle, IT! When his parents were killed in an avalanche, he was just a tot of 6'9" and he was a VEGAN.

Naturally, he hadn't yet had his BARMITZVAH, and his Uncle was a tad old, having studied the TORAH with MOSES, so his cousin, DRACULA WEINSTEIN, had to teach him in YIDDISH.

Well, wouldn't you know IT, another cousin, LON CHANEY, who was really a WEREWOLF, always pitched in, refining his pronunciations of the high-pitched HOWLING, along with the HAIR-GROOMING and SCRATCHING.

Anyway, this THREESOME became very close, not unlike The Three Musketeers... ATHOS, PORTHOS, and ARAMIS, with HARRY (or YETI) being the younger counterpart of d'Artangnan. Often they would roam the WOODS, frolicking and playing HIDE-AND-SEEK, and practicing their skills of TWIG-SNAPPING.

IT was during one of their MIDNIGHT excursions, when they happened upon a dark desolate CASTLE, where some strange LIGHTNING flashes were ZAPPING on and off, almost as if by design? After further STEALTHY investigation, they managed to get inside and FREE this poor fellow who was STRAPPED on a table, being TORTURED by ELECTROCUTION, and MAN, was he GRATEFUL!

Turns out he was another long LOST COUSIN ( well, actually PARTS of him were) named FRANK N. STEIN.

So, now, including Uncle IT, we had a FIVESOME... who invented a new PRACTICE!

Every time this PENTAGON of pedestrians went out FROLICKING, and TWIG-SNAPPING, two things became self-evident: they got HUNGRY... and the LOCALS, the townsfolk, for some reason were scared SHITLESS!

Anyway, CENTURIES later, the DESCENDENTS of this FAB FIVE became SCILLIONAIRES by manufacturing and RETAILING goodies, called CONFECTIONARIES.

Today, this centuries old TRADITION, which started out as a friendly NATURE HIKE, grew into a WOODS' ROMP, perfected the ART of TWIG-SNAPPING, and the now, LEGALLY INCORPORATED PRACTICE - L.I.P. ---- is fondly known as.......................

" T R I C K ... OR ... T R E A T !!! "

As Paul Harvey was onct wont to say: "Now you know the REST of the STORY! "

The Snap of a Twig? ...... Who Gives a FRIG?...

TomKat...



 

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Reviewed by Mr. Ed 9/25/2007
HO HO! I think I've met all Five, in my hikes through the woods, and Lon Chaney was always my favorite. But I never met that character in that picture above, and I hope I never do!!

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