WELCOME BAAAAAAAAACK ! KOTTER ?

IS ANYONE OUT THERE READING THIS CRAP ?

HELLO ?

Tom’s Tall Tales Told Truthfully -
Part 13

© - Tom Hyland - 12-09-08 to 12-18-08


RE: MR. ED’s - Snowy Mornin’ Ride -

ED - What a Delight!

YOU are one Romantic Ole Fart (ROF) - aren't you?

And the best part is that SHE LOVES IT - and YOU!

"Over the river and through the woods
to Grandmother's house we go,
the horse knows the way,
to carry the sleigh,
as o'er the fields we go,
laughing all the way!

JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS,
JINGLE ALL THE WAY ----

P.S. - watch your email, gonna send you a GOODIE!

TK.

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RE: KARLA’s - Bitter Tears -

KARLA - WELL DONE!

SONG LYRICS -

"I Cried a Tear, because of you,
I cried a Tear, because we're through,
I Cried a Tear, what else could I do?
But Sigh a Sigh, for love of you ..."

I think it was Laverne Baker?

AND - BURL IVES - "A Little Bitty Tear Let me Down"

B. J. Thomas - "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head"

DEE CLARK - "So It Must Be Raindrops"

Ernest "PAPA" Hemingway - Water - RAIN -
Something ominous about to happen ...

LITTLE ANTHONY - "Tears on My Pillow"

"Rain, rain, go away -
come back again some sunny Day!"

Later, Gator ... TKH

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RE: MY - FUN WITH OY -

12/9/2008
Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

OY vey. What a write! Do you eat the dictionary for lunch? You make learning language, fun! Well done.

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.

KARLA - TADDY!

BREAKFAST SOMETIMES!

THESAURUS not DICT.

I WONDER - WANDER - SEARCH - LEARN - TEACH.

ES VERDAD? EL HOMBRE - EL GATO.

TK.


12/9/2008
Mr. Ed

Tommy Boy, I did Enjoy - especially that first part!

PS I had an old aunt named Zoysia, too!!
(But I think in Polish, it means somethin else.)


DUBZHA! SP. ? TK

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RE: Karen Palumbo’s - A Different Christmas Poem -

KAREN - SUPERB !!!

I finished reading this, with teary eyes - it is as good as, or maybe BETTER than the one heard on the radio during the Holidays.

Remembering THEM, and fighting for VETERANS RIGHTS - that is what ED KOSTRO does perennially. Would that every member of Congress should read this!

God Bless You & Your Family!

P.S. - this was my first visit, but in the immortal words of General Douglas MacArthur -
"I SHALL RETURN!"

Tom.

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RE: MATLACK’S - I CAN’T STOP WRITING -

BY GEORGE - HE'S GOT IT! F-I-N-A-L-L-Y !!!

THERAPY - did I not tell you so?

DIARHEA of the pen has no STENCH!

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BATHE !!!

IF they ever develop 'SMELL-A-PUTER' we're in trouble, though!

PEACE - MY JOISEY FIEND - er, ah, um - FRIEND ! TK.

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RE: Matlack’s - Ole Doc Bonnie’s … -


ED - GOD BLESS!

THE TRUE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS IS THE GIVING OF - OURSELVES !!!

NOT PRESENTS BUT - LOVE - CARING - UNDERSTANDING - HELPING OTHERS!

THAT'S THE TICKET !

Each & every day, when my eyes open, my affirmation is:

"Thank you, GOD - for another Beautiful, Wonderful Day!"

yet another chance to LIVE ... Tom.

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RE: Bonnie May’s - No Christmas This Year -

BONNIE - SUPERB WRITE!

MAY GOD BLESS YOU IMMENSELY FOR SPREADING - LOVE !!!

I WOULD LIKE YOUR PERMISSION TO COPY THIS POEM, AND MAIL IT TO ALL MY 'PEEPS' -

MAY GOD PROTECT & BLESS OUR TROOPS & THEIR FAMILIES, THE WORLD OVER!

Tom.

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RE: LELAND WALDRIP’S - THE OPARI -

LELAND - WOW! SUPERB!

ARE YOU AN ENGINEER, OR WHAT? A UTOPIAN DREAM?

SENSIBLE, SOLID UTILIZATION OF NATURE & COMMON SENSE -

WILL WE EVER ACHIEVE IT? TOM.

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RE: My - Fun with OY -

12/11/2008
Michelle Mead

I love these :) It takes a sharp witty mind to write these, should anyone be fooled by the fun in them, as they have been with Seuss. I also loved the impressive mention or Marvel in the same poem as Seuss, lol, and Myrna Loy as I am a classic film fanatic and she is one of my all time favorite women actresses from those eras. I look forward to reading more and more of these from you, as only you can do :) Michelle

MICHELLE - well thank you, Darlin'!

it's refreshing to know that others out there have some similar tastes.

posting a new ditty in a couple minutes.

later - Tom.

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RE: my - When a Body Meets a Body -

12/12/2008
Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

You're having WAY too much fun, TK. Are you sure you haven't been nippin' at the Nog? LOL Well done, once again - you had me in stitches!

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.


KARLA - stitches are good!

especially in split britches!

but when you get the itches,

scratching can be bitches!

HO -Ho - Hoe ??? TK.

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RE: Karla’s - Freedom Never Cries -

KARLA - WELL SAID! Consider the following - I read it as a eulogy this past July at my Nephew matt's Funeral -

1940 Book by Ernest Hemingway -
1943 Movie starred Gregory Peck -

But the title words were “borrowed”
From a Treatise written in 1623 - 317 yrs. Earlier -
Full text is 4 pages long - these are just a few Excerpts -

For Whom The Bell Tolls
John Donne (pronounced like done, (1572 – March 31, 1631)
was a Jacobean poet and preacher

From "Devotions upon Emergent Occasions" (1623),
Mediation XVII:

As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon calls not upon the preacher only,
but upon the congregation to come,

The bell doth toll for him that thinks it doth;
and though it intermit again, yet from that minute that
this occasion wrought upon him, he is united to God.


No man is an island, entire of itself;
every man is a piece of the continent,
a part of the main.


If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less,
as well as if a promontory were,
as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were:

Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind,
and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
it tolls for thee.


If by this consideration of another's danger
I take mine own into contemplation, and so secure myself,
by making my recourse to my God,
who is our only security.


R.I.P. - Requiescant in Pace ... Tom.

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RE: Robin Dewalt’s - Undecided Face - * A NEWCOMER HERE *

ROBIN - I LIKE IT!

When a face is devoid of emotion, it is difficult to surmise what lurks within. Not unlike a painted face, like maybe that of a Clown - or maybe even that of The Joker in Batman, or the Dark Knight?

Mine to weld - makes me think of Spock's Mind Meld!

Etch-a-sketch - brings back memories of when my kids were little - and I was a tad younger - and those slip-sliding eyes - always difficult to create.

Cartoon Face - Protective Shield - like the MASK!

As Oliver Twist might say - "More - More - MORE!"

P.S. WELCOME ABOARD, MATEY!"

TK - as in TomKat.

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RE: Robin Dewalt’s - I Hope You Scream -

ROBIN - WOW!

"HELL hath no Fury like a Woman Scorned..."

Did Lucifer scream as he fell from Paradise?

Glove works, but I thought more of Clove, or Cloven -
as a heart Cleaved, or split in two.

Mo-ah - Mo-ah - Mo-ah - as in MORE!

TK.

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RE: ED’S Comment to my - When a Body -

ED -

While Holly might be a tad scratchy,or itchy,
better than a thornbush - quite prickly, or Bitchy!

FA-LA-LA-LA-LA - LA-LA-LA- LAAAAH !

:) :) :) -- TK.

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RE: MY - Review of DOGMA -

12/13/2008
Mr. Ed

I honestly feel that DOGMA has ‘Redeeming Merit’ - it Births a few intellectual questions, like: “Did ANGELS get a Raw Deal?” “Is Mankind deserving of its OWN self-serving Higher Domain?” “Does GOD really EXIST?” “DID HE/SHE EVER?”

I love movies that make me think, but our American 'Puritanism' will make many skip this one. And now, I need to see Bill Maher's Religilous, which I know many will hate.

PS: Didn't Dogma have Rufuz in it??!!

PPS: The Dark Knight is very good!

ED - you are so right!

So many Puritans - and not enough Trees for Crosses!

Religilous - been on my Netflix queue for some time now.

YES - RUFIE WAS AN EXTRA -
HOLDING A LEASH ON THE JOISEY DEVIL ...

OY VEY - can you even imagine HIM in a
FLIM-FLAM FILM?

TK.

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RE: Leland Waldrip’s - Carbon-Based Life Forms -

LELAND - SUPERB WRITE!

CARBON indeed - how poignant -
if a DIAMOND, then Precious -
but if a DIOXIDE, then Specious!

from H.S. Chem -

"Mary, Mary, quite Contrary,
Now she is no More,
for what she thought was H2O,
Was H2SO4 !"

As The Red Baron said to SNOOPY -
"Merry Christmas - Mein Friend!"

Tom.

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RE: Matlack’s - He’s a Funny Guy -

FLASH! BREAKING NEWS IN JOISEY!

SEA ISLE CITY UNDERCOVER REPORTER UNCOVERS THE TRUTH!

"MAN'S BEST FRIEND" IS NOT ONLY A 'GHOST WRITER' FOR A LOCAL YOKEL HERE -

BUT ALSO A VENTRILOQUIST!

MEEK, MILD-MANNERED MANIC-DEPRESSIVE MATLACK MERELY MUMBLES MUTTERINGS -

WHILE MUTT 'THROWS VOICE' MIMICKING MAGNANIMOUS MAGNITUDES & PLATITUDES!

MARVELOUS MUTT MANUFACTURES MANY MARVELOUS MEMOIRS AND MAGNIFICENT POETRY -

WHILE 'SO-CALLED OWNER' MERELY 'MANUFACTURES MUNDANE MISHMOSH!

RUFUZ - AKA 'RUFIE' - IS THE REAL 'DOG WONDER' -

A PUP-ETEER WHO COMPLETELY CONTROLS CRAPPY, CRABBY CANTANKEROUS CHILD-LIKE UN-CHARISMATIC COPROPHILOUS (adj. used to describe organisms such as some INSECTS or FUNGI that live on or in DUNG) 'COPYCAT' CHARACTER!

NEWS AT ELEVEN ... "REVELATIONS OF RUFUZ"

ROVING 'ROVER' REPORTER ...
RUMPLESTILTSKIN RASPUTIN ...

RARITY RATIFIED RAMBUNCTUOUSLY ... TK.

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RE: My - FUN WITH OY -

12/14/2008
Flying Fox Ted Glines MSW

Love it: "YO-YO - Oy-Oy Backwards!"

Be careful, Tom. Too much tongue-in-cheek can lead to the age-old malady of tongue-stuck-in-cheek which makes it difficult to lick an ice cream cone. Terrible situation :-)

Giggle!!!

Ted

TED - Thank you,

Coming from a fine writer like you, I am honored.

IF that Lack of Licking ever occurs, will simply switch to a BIG bowl and a BIG spoon!

Peace - Tom.

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Re: Matlack’s - Early riser…NOT! -

ED - BET YOU DON'T LIKE WORMS EITHER!

it's a funny thing about Life -

you can't get thru it without Money!
and you can't get money without Work!
and work requires that you get your fat ARSE out of Bed!

and then you have to shave your hairy, ugly Face!
den warsh da pitiful parts (at least) of yer Body -
that might possibly Stink!

den don yer gay Apparel -
if'n ye happen to be Gay!
udderwise - yer ole holey T shirt n'
designer FAT-ASS Wrangler Jeans!

then ya gotta fire up the ole Clunker,
n' fill 'er up with expensive Gas!
n' actually DO sum kinda WORK fer 8 whores (er, hours)!

then ya drag yer ole tired arse home at Nite,
n' havta slave over a hot micro-wave Oven,
for 5 whole freakin' Minutes,
warming up a nice nutritious TV Dinner!

afta a hole weak of doin' dis - Den -
every Saturday Nite - Lord willin' n' the crick don't rise -
ya gotta take a friggin' Bath, or Shower!

den, Mundy, Mundy - Re-Pete all Above Agin!

what a flippin' RAT RACE - RIGHT? ME ?
HELL - I'D RATHER JUST EAT THE FRIGGIN' WORMS!

Well, actually, the Truth of the Matter is:-
I Paid my Dues - worked from age 14 to 66 - 52 YEARS!

Retired - then could not Survive on the measly SSA Benefits -
got Screwed by every employer, my whole Life -
and last one's monthly Annuity is a Whopping $182/mo. -WHOOPPEE!

BUT - I LUCKED OUT WITH A GREAT PART-TIME JOB!

3 days per week - up at Dawn's Crack . 8:15 am -
do the 3 S's - S**t - Shower - Shave -
Drink a coupla cups o' java , while Puterin' -
n' watchin' TV - then drive 5 whole miles to work -
takes 12 minutes to get there - START . 11:00 AM!

use my own car to deliver Scrips - ‘bout 270 miles a week -
have a company Credit Card for ALL Auto Expenses -
including Gas, Tires, AND Repairs -

get re-imbursed $30./mo. for my cell phone use -
and get paid every Thursday (end of my Week) - IN CASH!
and have 3-Day Weekends - F-S-S - 52 Weeks per Year!

Happier than a Pig in Wadda-call-it!

HOW DID I LUCK OUT?

A pool-team Friend and his Brother bought an Epic Pharmacy,
and at my Surprise Retirement Party -
HE ASKED ME IF I WAS INTERESTED!

Only $10./per hr. - no raise in 2.5 years -
but the $200. Xmas Bonus comes in Handy!

MORAL OF THIS STORY? THERE IS A GOD!

NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

and remember what my Mom always told me -

'Ya Gotta Eat A Peck Of Dirt afore Ya DIE!"

PEACE - DEAR FRIEND JOISEY - PEACE! TK.

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RE: Ted Glines - Christmas Entitlement -

TED - AMEN, my friend - AMEN!

A small point - my all-time favorite store, all year long is - DOLLAR TREE - EACH AND EVERY, OF THOUSANDS OF ITEMS IS ALWAYS $1 - small things, like canned goods, and greeting cards are 2 for $1.

I have earned a reputation within my family of being the one who always brings laughter from my small gifts - usually, I only spend say $20. for someone's birthday, let's say - but there is a whole bagful of mixed articles - some practical, some silly, some jokes, some functional - but taken together = FUN!

For years now, I have given such gifts for Christmas presents - is it not "the THOUGHT that counts?" A small cheap $1 gift is affordable to almost everyone! Whether it is a nice cinnamon-scented Candle, or a pack of 10 Votive Pine-scented candles, or a small golden Angel, or a cute cuddly Christmas Bear, or a 500 piece Puzzle, or a pair of pliers, or gloves, or knit hat or scarf, or whatever - EVERYONE GETS SOMETHING!

Another little, but important thing is this - at DOLLAR TREE, when checking out at the register, the cashier asks if you would like to DONATE a gift for a child, a toy - I ALWAYS SAY YES! No matter what total I have spent, one more mere DOLLAR will not break me! Just imagine if EVERY STORE DID THIS - there would be NO CHILD WITHOUT A PRESENT!

Another thing - I do NOT maintain a huge library of DVD movies, like many people do. WHY? Because all year long, when I do buy cheap, pre-viewed films for $5 each, they are all later given away as Christmas gifts! And guess what - in a family gathering of 10 people, they can SWAP them if they choose, or later, after watching - then SHARE with each other.

ENTITLEMENT? YES -

ENTITLED TO HELP, AND CARE FOR OTHERS,
LESS FORTUNATE!

Peace, Tom.

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RE: My - Trailer Trash -

12/17/2008
Ed Matlack

Glad you reposted this as I always wanted to know what REAL trailer trash folks were like, though I have them surrounding me & of course what am I, though I don't necessarily live in a trailer, per se...my place is a motorhome, less room than you got, but mine could move easily, if it would only start...Ed

DEAR MATCHLESS MATLACK -

Won't start huh? Now, there's an idea worth developing - SOLAR ROOF PANELS for both RV's and Stationary Trailers!

Just imagine - SUN shoots Rays into Panels - Batteries store Energy - Key Starts Engine - Runs on Quiet Electricity - Gasoline is Only for Emergency Use!

Real Trailers - Entire Roof is composed of Solar Panels - Batteries Store Energy and Start an Electric Generator Motor which Produces enough 'juice' to power all low energy sources, like: overhead lights, radios, TV's, Computers - SO - Uncle BGE RAPER Co's only get paid for high energy needs, like: Refrigerator, A/C, Electric Heaters, etc. - TEMPORARILY!

Ultimately, Better, Higher Tech Units will be developed, but right now, ALL RV's and TRAILERS, for us LOW-LIFERS get the First Wave of SAVINGS!

Then, this technology is applied to ALL AUTOMOBILES Manufactured - then - ALL existing cars get a Government-Sponsored Retro-Fit Package!

Then even Better panels are installed on top of ALL HOMES!

In Time, the Piece' D' Resistance is Achieved - like George Jetson, your vehicle JETS you to your destination, then the Press of a Button turns it into a small, Briefcase-Lap-Top-Thing-A-Ma-Jig -

NO PARKING PROBLEMS - NO PARKING COSTS - NO GASOLINE WASTE - NO CO2 EMISSIONS - GLOBAL WARMING ELIMINATED - NO JUNK YARDS -

NUTTIN' HONEY!

"HONEY - I SHRUNK THE WORLD!"

The End - TKH

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RE: My - Idiotic Idioms -

12/17/2008
Eileen Granfors

This really gave me a laugh. I'm going to send it to my poor, overworked husband who needs to remember the world outside his office--deadlines are aging him too fast. Love the dollop and trollop! Eileen

remove

12/17/2008
Ed Matlack

Damn but you took my idea away with your last line...but this is as always are your writes, fun and educational...ed & rufuz

remove

12/17/2008
Mr. Ed

“Are You Psychologically Inclined to be Properly Osculated?”

I'm not sure, with that red sox outfit you've got on! Are you sure you ain't one of the Ed Brothers??!!

remove

12/17/2008

Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner
Not idiotic: just plain FUN! Well done, Tom.

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.

Still LOL at "How do you field-dress a Moose?" (Very carefully, especially if it's still alive!)

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KARLA -

NEVER, NEVER EVER -

GOOSE A MOOSE !!! TK :) :) :)

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DEAR PROPOLSKI PEE-WEE LE PEW ED -

DAMN - those red sox gave me away!

YES, I must confess -

I am, in fact, another long-lost Brother ED!
Ergo, now, I am Un-Done -
As a young Waif, i was stolen from my BED.
Absconded to Ireland - Chained to the Blarney Stone -
I was Brainwashed, and Stuff put in my HEAD.
Raised on Shamrocks and an occasional Scone -
Will I now be Accepted - or Rejected INSTEAD?
Please let me know by Phone!

Semper Fi - Holy Mackeral - Soitanly - and -

MAKE IT SO!

TomKat - TK - Semi-Quasi-Faux - Irish ED ...

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DEAR ED & RUFUZ -

Please see reply to PEEWEE -

IF You - He - and Edvard The Elder see your way clear to decide to check my CREDENTIALS - then a Family Reunion should be scheduled at my TRAILER TRASH HUMBLE HOME in BAWLMER -

Whereupon I will SHOW YOU MY BIRTHMARK !!!

This will be CONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE of my Sibling Relationship to you Three Musketeers!

S.W.A.K. - no French Stuff tho!

TK ----

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EILEEN -

Goodness Gracious! So glad you enjoyed.

Sometimes - FUN R ME -

Thanks for Kudos - they make it all worthwhile!

Be careful out there with that SPOONING!

TK.

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Posted by Mr. Ed (author) at 12/18/2008 6:35:54 AM

Hi Tom Hyland: I've suspected for quite awhile now that you were, in reality, a member of The Ancient Ed Clan, and Confession is truly good for the soul!!

Pee Wee Ed

Hi Mr. Ed:

MEA CULPA - MEA CULPA - MEA MAXIMA CULPA!

Please see reply to MATLACK!

Anxiously awaiting by phone - 410-288-1824 ...

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