On a lighter note.
An embarrassing experience involving spinach and a childhood crush.

I had a 2 hour gap in my day and had planned to get some writing done since I’m running behind on a deadline. I went to a restaurant that has become a regular haunt as it has a nice little private booth that the waiters have now dubbed ‘Chanti’s office’. They know that I usually order a skinny cappuccino with froth and then switch to drinking glass after glass of water with lemon and ice. Other than arriving to remove and replace glasses, they pretty much leave me in peace to write. Today I decided to order lunch - grilled chicken breasts with vegetables. One of the vegetable side orders was creamed spinach. I’m on a pretty strict diet right now and this particular side dish should not have featured on the menu never mind my plate and I’m convinced that this is the reason I was duly afflicted with the dreaded condition known as spinach tooth. I must have smiled at at least half a dozen people before I eventually got home and made the gruesome discovery for myself. It was made painfully evident when I finally smiled into a mirror. You must understand that even this is something I do not do as a matter of course. I live with a friend who does not seem to believe in mirrors and only has one, the size of a rear view mirror, in the bathroom. I’ve become accustomed to applying my make up using a compact mirror and don’t even know what I look like as a whole connected human being anymore.

Ok, so I know you’re thinking ‘Big deal. So she had spinach stuck to a tooth and smiled at a few strangers. What’s the problem?’ You didn’t know I could read minds did you? I’m going to make a confession here. I didn’t make a huge effort with my appearance this morning and didn’t wear any makeup. I simply pulled a comb through my tangled morning hair, tied it up in a ponytail (a hair wash avoidance technique), slipped on a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt and off I went, ready to face the world or more accurately, ready to hide away from the world in the dark corner of the restaurant. The only real work I had to do this morning was to call a few clients and I planned to shower and change before an afternoon appointment. My guardian angel must have been looking after me because if I had not noticed the green ooze between my two front teeth when I got home, I would have gone off to see a new client with the offending substance still intact. I’ve got to be honest. I don’t know how the stuff got stuck there in the first place. My teeth are so closely packed, I battle to get dental floss between them without breaking strands and yet somehow this huge sliver of bright green spinach had managed to find its’ way into that narrow gap and had become lodged there. I know, I know, I am going on a bit but I do have a point. I just got through telling you that I hadn’t taken much care with my appearance but I did notice that a lot of people were staring at me today. I was starting to wonder if I had a trail of toilet paper hanging out of the back of my jeans and even checked to make sure but I was trail free. Later when I spoke to a friend, I whispered into the phone, "Jean, people are staring at me,"

She laughed, "Chanti, people stare at you. Don’t you notice? I guess you didn’t and now you’re noticing because you’ve just had your eyesight restored."

"Jean, I know people glance at other people and men sometimes try to make eye contact with a woman but this is different. I’m getting looks. You know those looks that aliens get?"

"hahaha You’re a riot Chants. I wouldn’t know since I’ve never been in the company of any aliens."

"Ok well use your imagination. If an alien landed on planet earth, how would people look at him?"

"They’d probably avoid eye contact I’d say. It’s more likely they’d run away or call the police or local radio station and put out an alert and then wait for the people in white coats to arrive and take them away."

"Jean, this is really not funny. I might be a little sensitive today…I’ll give you that but this is really peculiar. They’re staring but the moment I make eye contact they look away. I’ve checked in the mirror and I haven’t lost an eyebrow and my eyes are still securely anchored in their sockets. I know I haven’t got makeup on but I don’t usually get this kind of reaction when I go out bare-faced."

"Honey, relax. The truth is that people are probably staring because they think you’re so attractive and they look away when you catch them staring."

"Oh God, I give up. You’re a friend and I’d expect you to be biased but this is ridiculous."
"Is it that time of the month Chants?"


I decided to ignore the strange stares, lifted my chin, put a smile on my face and sauntered casually off to the bathroom when I heard my name being called, "Chanti?" I turned around and found myself looking up into the matured face of a boy I’d had a crush on in grade school. It was easy to identify him even though I hadn’t seen him in years. He had aged well. I’m amazed that he could identify me considering that when he’d last seen me, I’d been wearing pigtails and had a gazillion freckles vying for space across my face but recognize me he did. His greeting was warm and effusive but I noticed that when I smiled back at him, he looked embarrassed and could not maintain eye contact. It should have been obvious to me at this point but it didn’t occur to me to think about my teeth. You must remember that I’m a spinach tooth virgin. The chat was short. He gave me his business card and hurried off back to his table to join a colleague. I have long recovered from the childhood crush that caused me immeasurable pain during grade school but you know how it is. When you meet up with old school mates it is always nice to imagine you’ll meet up with them looking your absolute best. You have visions of them saying, "Wow, I met up with Chanti the other day. Remember that scrawny looking kid in grade school with all the freckles? You should see her now…." That’s why someone termed the phrase, ‘Sod’s law’ I guess. I frowned, puzzled and made my red-faced way to the bathroom. There is a giant mirror in this bathroom but it still didn’t occur to me to check my teeth. I was too busy puzzling over his bizarre behaviour and wondering if he’d noticed that I no longer have freckles to think about this. The green ooze remained concealed to me but revealed to the world at large right up until I got home and eventually smiled ruefully at myself in the tiny mirror in my room-mate’s bathroom. Please don’t think I’m exaggerating because I’m not. Not only did I have this rather large piece of spinach resembling algae protruding from between my front teeth, there were smaller specks lodged between my other teeth. It looked like I hadn’t brushed my teeth in at least six months. I’ve made an oath to myself that in spite of my affection for spinach, I will never again let the substance taint my plate again…at least not while I’m out in public.

© Chanti 2007