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Ed Matlack

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Almost Eaten....thankfully I found I could fly...
By Ed Matlack
Sunday, February 15, 2004

Rated "G" by the Author.

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Hey, they don't have a fishing category on this site,I mean fishing is life, gotta send a letter to the god of AD, Matt, LOL!

ALMOST EATEN…thankfully I found I could fly…

(absolutely not a poem, what it is I can’t say for sure…)


Was high while fishing and sailing once,

Fortunately I was stopped, so must have been fishing,

Or maybe it was fiddling, I don’ know,

Suffice it to say I was stopped, anchored, drunk, & high,

A dangerous & quite volatile combination,

But not for me, I was all alone, ceptin’ for Rufuz…


Anyway I was dancing around the salon and stern deck area,

To the music of some club in whatever town I was anchored off of,

Anyway, I was dancing and went out to the deck and hit some water,

Lot of that around in the ocean so hard to keep deck dry,

Slipped and fell towards the ocean,

And just at that split second a fish with murder on its eye,

Jumped up with its mouth wide open, teeth gleaming,

His dentist should be proud…


So, did I ever tell you that I could FLY!

Right back on the deck and back into the salon,

Locking the door, finishing the bottle, one last hit,

Before I sell this boat and get something bigger,

Can’t be havein’ them fishies jumping into the boat…


(What do you want from me, I said it was a fantasy/reality poem/story…I didn’t? [Sorry, well I meant it]

Okay, the whole story was reality or real except for the…

Lets see now, okay, so my boat was really small, not big enough for a salon, couldn’t stand up in the cuddy, unless you stuck your hear through the ceiling, there was a hole, NO WISE GUY, I DIDN’T PUT IT THERE WITH MY HEAD! What a schmutz, LOL!

And I was not dancing, I was kinda just standing there fighting with this little stinkin’fish on my line

He was not jumping in the boat, I would have really given my balls, well I would have to think about it first, to have had this fish just jump in the boat,

He was clearly not a happy fish he certainly had murder in his eye, or it might have been the fact that he also got caught up on something in the water, kinda the fish version of being between an irate fisherman, hunger in his eyes, & the little woman waiting for him to come back and stop playing with his fisherman buddies, or a rock and hard place, if your thick,

NOT exactly fly, well he jumped in the boat eventually, just as I was giving my one last pull, he and landed in a bear hug position, geez did he have shit breathe,

So I didn’t get something bigger, what point is that?


EVERY THING ELSE WAS REALITY, WAS THERE ANYMORE…? Oh, yeah, Rufuz wasn’t actually there,  he was not a boating dog at that time, he would jump in and make like he was ready to go and enjoy himself, but as soon as the first wave hit us, he was in the cuddy, hiding, whining, crying and generally shaking…must have been a cat in a former life, pussie…


                                                                                                                                (ed) © copywite 2004


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Reviewed by 000 000 9/21/2008
You are easily amused. I love that in a person..makes them a cheap date. Hilarious write!
Reviewed by Lois Christensen 6/26/2008
Liked this fish story, flying huh? Well is Rufuz more adapted to sailing these days. He is your buddy though and will go where you go and stay faithfully by your side.
Reviewed by m j hollingshead 6/14/2006
enjoyed the read
Reviewed by Jill Carpenter 12/8/2005
Hey, you were FLY fishing! :o)
Very funny story. I believed every word too!
Reviewed by Ch'erie de Perrot 6/28/2004
Everyone has a fish story to tell, it's just the way it is...We can either tell tiddlers or 50 ft whalesharks hehe.

Onya mate

Actually I wrote a poem not long ago bout fishing, but it was more about skeeters in the long run LOL
Reviewed by Carol Chapman 4/24/2004
I've heard fish tales, and fish whoppers, but fish choppers leave me running to hide *grin* Great story Ed.

Reviewed by P. Michaels 4/8/2004
Ed, I've been looking all over this fish story for that picture. It must be the one you drew with your words. You surely did tell a tall tale. I've noticed your picture at your site. You look an awfully lot like one of those guys a few of the children in my classrooms loved to imitate. LOL
Reviewed by Scott Zachary 2/21/2004
It's twue. I know it is, because you wrote it. And besides, Tweetie Bird said so. And my fish jump into the boat, too. That proves it! Now, pass the jay. Quit Bogart'ing that sucker.

Reviewed by Dan Summerfield 2/19/2004

Didn't believe a word of it,

Knew in a second you were full of sh-t.

Next you'll tell us you're a frequent flier.

Ed, nobody likes an unbelieveable liar.

Besides I've told you twenty billion times,

If you're going to write a lie write one that rhymes.

Dan S.
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 2/17/2004

LOL this is too funny

much better than my fishing story LOL i'm not kidding, my fish was MAYBE an inch long, the minnow i used 1/4 of an inch long...and i got the worst sunburn of my LIFE waiting to catch that darn fish LOL *worst sunburn until i went to avalon, n.j. in 1978--THAT one fried me worse than a fish fry LOL*

(((HUGS))) and love, and enjoyed your whale of a tale :)


love your new pic on the bio page--you, rufuz *wOOfers* and rene? :)
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 2/16/2004
ah, the perverbial fisherman's story; a funny and cute write! ah, i love to fish; but the last time i did, i caught a tEEEEEEEEEEEEENY TINNNNNNNY bluegill; it was so teeny tiny i had to put it back! I was so mad! >:(

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in tx., karen lynn. :D
Reviewed by Kate Clifford 2/16/2004
It is true the fisherman has his stories :-)
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 2/16/2004
Okay Ed I believe you!!

Very well penned sasaSir!!

Love Tinka
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 2/15/2004
OKAy, the story it was a lie,
But the part about my ability to fly,
I do that every night when I get high,
And here I DON'T lie...
Peace thru Writing, ED

Foot Soldiers by Paddy Bostock

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Poisoned By Yew by Janice Scott

A collection of all the short stories featured on my pages here at Authors' Den...  
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