Join Free! | Login    
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!


Featured Authors:  Darryl Jenkins, iPhillip Rice, iShoma Mittra, iVaughn Aiken, iJ.S. Bradford, iRichard Harris, iCraig Hartpence, i

  Home > Health/Wellness > Stories
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Ed Matlack

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Poetry
· Stories
· Blog
· Messages
· 5,755 Titles
· 43,719 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
Member Since: Aug, 2003

Ed Matlack, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.

Featured Book
Fast Track (Paperback Edition)
by John DeDakis

Fast Track (ArcheBooks) is a Mystery/Suspense novel about a young, strong-minded woman's quest to find purpose in life as she unravels the mystery of her parents' deaths ..  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members

Computer Users Anonymous
By Ed Matlack
Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Rated "G" by the Author.

Share    Print  Save   Follow

Recent stories by Ed Matlack
· 46 years since Woodstock 69...
· Growing up at the shore...
· The RAFT...
· It was snowin' & blowin'
· Where the hell am I...?
· The BEACH...
· The WOODS...
           >> View all 26

PUrely a fictional humorous story, the names would be changed if there were any and the innocent would be protected, again if there were any...

Computer Users Anonymous…


Ignoring your children?

Your husband sleeps alone at night?

Your dog went out and never came back in?

You are losing weight but cannot figure why?

When you sleep, which isn’t often, you dream of making love to your computer?


All symptoms: all are perfectly easy to be diagnosed,

With our doctors with ten minutes of experience,

We can diagnose this problem, and remedy it in an easy plan,

We call it our 1000 step program, each step designed and made appropriate just for you,

We provide it all, the paper, the pen, the eraser and any and all glue.


We have board certified psychologists, fresh out of psychotherapy themselves,

So you know for sure they are experienced and have gone through this themselves,

No expense will be spared; you will have a fine room, with a bed and toilet,

Over looking the septic tank and the landfill where you will know your computer is being dumped,


No more will you forget the face of your husband, the names of your children, or their sex,

Do you forget when the last time was that you and your husband hugged?

We will make sure you remember this, as it is imperative in your treatment…


All the above and more, heat in your room, bright sunny veranda to meditate on,

All the alcohol & stimulants you can take, all the best drugs, we spare no expense,

All for a pittance of a price; so call us to take advantage of this great opportunity,

Our phone lines are open now, and if you call right now, you will receive,

Ten 5-minute sessions with our own personal guru from Tibet,

He to has overcome his addiction to the computer, through alcohol & drug therapy…


(Disclaimer: not to be associated with other offers, if under a doctor’s care for anything, please notify our call takers- all the above is subject to a credit check, computer background check, and the fact if your checking account has enough currency to cover the amount we need to have, pre-delivered via computer check, certified check, money order, or we take cash – absconding with said cash is not a part of our service, don’t believe what you have read on the internet or newspapers or police blotters, we are a reputable organization, here to help you the computer addicted)


                    CALL NOW!






Want to review or comment on this short story?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Reviewed by 000 000 9/21/2008
I am addicted. I guess we are all strange puppies LOL.
Reviewed by Annette Hendrix Williams 10/25/2007
How do I sign my husband up? Do I have to have his permission?
Reviewed by Joyce Devenish 1/6/2007
This is so good that I'm hooked even if I didn't have a problem before.
Reviewed by ROCK-Salt! Proctor 4/25/2006
Your stuff is refreshing and I have the same spirit of adventure and discovery. Almost bought a 46'yacht last years with the VA pension back pay. but am doing what I'm doing now, waiting for that special lady to share all that with. Thanks fopr dropping in, and hoped you smiled when you came threre-in and grinned at the goodbye Art
Reviewed by Sandra Mushi 7/7/2005
Lololol ... you forgot the contact number, Ed! Funny delightful write!

God bless,

Reviewed by Henry Lefevre 9/18/2004
Computers are the one source of addiction that I refuse to address. My computer and I make beautiful music together.
Reviewed by Regina Pounds 9/5/2004
oh no oh no! :)

Cute one, but dreadful prospect of a 'cure'!

Reviewed by Bob Holt 7/11/2004
My name is Bob, and I am an addict...wait a minute. A 1000 step program might take too long. But not as much time as I spend on the computer. This was great, nice work!
Reviewed by m j hollingshead 7/9/2004
Reviewed by Hooves Of Fire 6/20/2004
I would need some hay and sparkling cider in my accomodations along with a jacuzzi big enough for a bull.
The Disclaimer made me laugh out loud and swish my tail.
Nicely done.
Regards to Rufuz.
Reviewed by Lee Garrett 6/1/2004
Delightful peace. Loved it. I will tell all my cybersexual friends out there that there is hope!

Reviewed by Phyllis Jean Green 5/29/2004
What kind of glue? Sniff, sniff, sniff. . .aw, shucks. Mighta
knowed. {PS: Love it!! The piece, O Learned One, not the glue.
Ain' my bran'. . .okay, okay, I'll keep shet. Er. For now.
Cainevenmake Twe'vesteps}
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 4/30/2004
This is too funny, Ed; you are a hoot! LOL

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 4/30/2004

LOL--enjoyed, but where do i call???? LOL

(((HUGS))) and love, karla.
Reviewed by Susan Sparks 4/29/2004
Yep, I think work helps cure the addiction, or at least keep me away from it!
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 4/29/2004
Thank you for this excellent advice. As my first step in your 1,000 step program, I will no longer read anything posted by anyone whose first name starts with an 'E.' Do you think this will help?
Thanks. And the check is in the mail, as they say.
Reviewed by Bobbie Hess 4/29/2004
You forgot the phone number! Oh well, probably wasn't toll free anyway. Interesting point of view and oh, so true. I'm glad I only visit once in a while. I think work has cut my addiction--eight to ten hours here will do it--maybe everyone should get a job? Take care, b
Reviewed by Rene Swing 4/29/2004
I truly love this! I couldn't of said it better I am so glad that I gave you the idea to begin You really have talent. Keep up the good

Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 4/28/2004
How do you know all this?

Never mind I won't listen anyways....happy computering Ed!!

Love Tinka

Popular Health/Wellness Stories
1. My Father's Day Story
3. Get Well Soon!
4. 'Call Me Spot.': An Adult Battles Chickenp
5. Addicted To Running! / Louisiana Marathon
6. To Hell and Back
7. An Update: Aurora Star Skydancer, March 20
8. Hollister's Story: Alligator Baby! (Harle
9. Views from a Hospital Room
10. Michael

Life, Lies, and Sex: A User's Guide to Being in a Body by Mikaya Heart

This is a book about love: how to develop unconditional love every moment of every day, by allowing Universal energy to move through your body...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

The Food Contrarian by Tuchy (Carl) Palmieri

”The Food Contrarian” Quotes for people recovering from or dealing with eating issues. The 12 step movements are filled with proverbs, sayings and slogans that combine to provi..  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.