Sometimes it doesn't pay to get out of your nest...

I was sitting at my favorite spot the other night, right next to the fire at Bal's place. Beezal had just told his favorite story, something about an over sexed incubus and a wizard. Well, anyway, I picked up my drink, a fiery damnation, and, just as I was about to tip it up, my darn beeper goes off.

"Shit" I said to no one in particular, since he didn't respond I grabbed the darn thing and pushed the answer button, just about broke a claw. This tinny little voice (sounded like Zeet had the board tonight) told me to call 666-3266. I finished my damnation and, placing a few minor gems on the bar, went to the pay phone. I dropped in a diamond, punched the number and waited for a response.

"Central Dispatch." Yep, it was Zeet.

"This is Batazar, what's cooking Zeet?"

"Long time no see Bat. It looks like a fourth level invocation is coming down."

"Geesh Zeet, fourth level? I haven't seen a fourth level for eons."

"So true , you got the watch so you'll have to respond."

"Wonderful...who's the mark?"

"That's the strangest part Bat...We can't get a good fix. You'll just have to respond and see what's up."

"O.K. I'll be there in two shakes of a lizards tail."

"It'll take a while for the invoke, he's only at stage one."

"Right." I hung up the phone and checked the slot for spare gems, you never knew.

Not finding anything of interest I left the phone booth and, bellowing out a farewell to Beezal and the other entities, left Bal's. It was only a short walk to Central, but there was a cute little elemental watching, so I cast a minor transport spell and, after disappearing in a great cloud of black smoke and fire, was soon at Central Dispatch.

Whoosh! I appeared in a cloud of smoke and fire right in front of the main desk. Zeet waved his tentacles around and coughed.

"Shit Bat...save it for the marks." He coughed again.

"Lighten up Zeet, I've got to stay in practice ya know."

"Right. It looks like a hot one Bat. Here." He reached over with one slimy tentacle and handed me a dispatch parchment.

"Zeet, damn it, wear your glove!" I wiped the dispatch on my robe and then read it over. When I was finished I set the dispatch in the disposal tray and cast an incendiary spell. It went up in a satisfying crackle of flame.

"What stage is he at?"

"Let me check." Old Zeet got a blank look, that is, blanker than usual.

Zeet shook himself and answered me. "About stage four. If he is successful, it should be about 10 minutes."

I looked down at my watch. "All right, I'll go to the ready room."

"Have fun Bat!" Zeet called to me as I left the desk.

In the ready room I removed the slime-stained robe I had been wearing and reached into my locker for my spare. I caught a look in the magic mirror (I don't have a reflection in a regular one) I didn't look too bad, scales were a little dull, maybe a little paunchy, but other wise O.K. I put on my spare robe and went over to the stone washbasin.

I grabbed the fang brush and gave the old choppers a good going over. Can't have dirty fangs and impress a mark, especially one who can do a fourth level invoke. I checked my claws, then gave them a good burnishing with the steel wool, really made those suckers shine!

"Bat! He's into the final stage, go to the translation area." Zeet's disembodied voice filled my head.

"Keep yer tentacles wet, I'm on my way!" I thought back at him.

I walked over to the moonstone pentagram that was inlaid into the black marble floor. I read the mystic symbols around the periphery of the area and cleared my mind. I felt the beginning of the trans-dimensional pull as the mark finished the spell.

"Damn!" I bellowed, remembering the watch and beeper at the last minute, I tore them off and tossed them out of the range of the spell just as I shipped from my dimension to the other.

"Got you now Bill!!" The thirteen year old said gleefully to his companion. He had just completed a complex move in the Dungeons and Dragons game at his feet. "A fourth level invoke by my Wizard! That means a Master Demon! You're up shit creek buddy!" He smirked.

"Ya, well I think you cheated, nobody can do a fourth level, it says so right here in the instructions somewhere." He flipped through his dog-eared manual.

"No it doesn't. If you are a fifth level mage you can do a fourth level invoke. I just won. You can't beat a Master Demon with only a third level warrior."

Neither of them noticed as I appeared. No wonder the signal hadn't been clear, they were both children!

"Well, this is my house and I say you can't do it." He closed the rulebook with a snap.

"Listen you dick with ears" he seemed to like that one, must have just learned it, "I win!" He was near to tears.

"It's my house and my game!" With that he knocked the pieces from the board.

I decided it was time to be noticed. I cast a smoke and flame spell. As the smoke belched and the flames shot up around me I took a deep breath and gave the ritual greeting.

"I have answered the invocation as required. Where is the sacrifice?" I bellowed, the meager walls shook with the force. It was a satisfactory display.

They both started and turned toward me. They both screamed, almost as loud as I had bellowed. I detected the faint odor of feces from the one named "Bill".

"W-W-What?" The other asked.

"When you invoke a Master Demon a virgin sacrifice must be made or..."

"Or what??" He asked. I noticed the book he held said "With actual magic spells" on the cover. Shit, it was like handing a loaded wand to a baby. I decided to teach them a lesson, I wondered which I should eat.

"The invokee becomes the sacrifice." I answered and glared at him, I knew my eyes were glowing embers; I had practiced the glare in front of the magic mirror for just such an occasion.

"V-V-Virgin?" Bill had found his voice.

"Yes. A virgin. You have little time." I looked down, there was no restraining pentagram that meant no invocation of the binding spell, so I advanced on the marks to intimidate them a little. It worked. A wet spot showed on Bill's trousers.

"Well." I bellowed. I electrified my claws and let lightening dance from them to the overhead light fixture. The other mark suddenly smiled and looked over at Bill. "Take him." Was all he said.

I looked at him shocked. "What?"

"Take him, he's a virgin."

"I am not!!" Bill bellowed.

I looked at Bill's chakra. Sure enough, he hadn't dipped his wick yet, just about beat it off maybe, but he still qualified. Still I found the whole thing distasteful.

"He is a virgin." The other, I scanned his brain, Roger was his name, smirked. "But he is not satisfactory, his chakra is impure. Another sacrifice must be found."

Roger was flipping through his rulebook, he looked up. "You're Batazar!"

"In the flesh, come on now." To late I realized my mistake as I saw the look of glee.

"Batazar! Regula, Ridgedis, Durous!" He called out the immobility spell. I felt my entire body grow ridged. How embarrassing.

"Roger! How did you do that?" Bill looked amazed, he looked at my ridged form then back at his pimple faced friend.

"Easy, it says right here what to do if you meet up with Batazar and can get him to admit his name." I followed with my eyes as the little drip showed the book to Bill.

"What now?" Bill said as he handed back the book.

"This." Roger walked over to me and, grabbing a towel that lay on a counter top, threw it over my head. I couldn't see a damn thing. In a couple of minutes he took the towel off.

"Batazar! Ridgedis limpus!" He released me. I lunged toward them. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a pentagram, I looked down, a fatal mistake. The binding spell invoked and I was dragged toward the pentagram...

"Wow! Where did he go?" Asked Bill.

"The pentagram."

"But how...it was on his belly..."

"I know, I read about the trick in an old book..."

Once I reached the level of a singularity, the binding spell snapped and I popped back to my proper dimension. Of course Zeet had monitored the whole thing and was curled up in a fit of laughter.

"He sure got you!!! And just a pimply faced kid!!!!" He bellowed out between laughs.

I singed him with a minor warming spell.