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When an ugly controlling spirit gets ahold of someone, not only does their personality change for the worse, but they also ruin all the good they have created around them.
With extemporaneous regularity, Jonah would reminisce about someone whom he had shared life and many adventures with from his past. As I gleaned more details from our many conversations I began to understand a great deal about this bewildering relationship, and the impact it had had on my friend’s life. This person seemed to occupy a place of prominence and respect in Jonahs heart.
I also knew somehow that this person was a close friend or family member. Apparently Jonah had worked together with this person for a number of years artistically, and they had successfully composed and recorded some very compelling music that had been quite efficacious in the lives of many. The feelings Jonah would share about the memory of this person gripped me as an amalgam of love, respect, disdain, grief, and anger. He referred to him simply as a polemic antagonist from years past. But being a man of carefully chosen words, and always averse to the bondage of gossiping, Jonah would never disclose enough in our conversations to satisfy my curiosity. It appeared that much was still unresolved in Jonah concerning this strange Delphic personality and I had no intention of ever offending my special friend with too many questions.
I would hear him describe him sometimes as a pontifical and disputatious character, a real self absorbed egocentric with a foul opinion of everyone and anything he couldn’t control. These words were harsh I thought but oft-times in the same breath Jonah’s bitter recollections would dramatically change. Then, his descriptions would become almost Pollyannaish.
“I never met a more gifted songwriter,” he would reminisce sanguinely. “I remember those two magical years when this person was as good a musical artist as anyone on the planet. Something terrible happened though in his heart.”
It was during one of our late night conversations that I believe my eyes were opened to something that I had never seen before about this person. He was actually a member of Jonahs own family! Ghostlike the truth of the matter began to overwhelm me in an amalgam of foul gray shades. Shuddering deeply, I churned with anguish as I realized the abysmal mindset that had trapped Jonahs antagonist for decades. It seemed that he had been controlled by a strangely consuming “perception of rejection” by most around him. A deceptive plan had emerged in his early impressionable years that had become a lifestyle. If they don’t accept me, I won’t accept them. I’ll be better at rejecting others than they are at rejecting me. I will never let myself be touched by anything, except those things that are, in my estimation, situations and/or people that I can control or manipulate.
I saw at first this was not so much pride as it was the fear of his own weaknesses becoming known to all of those around him. Sadly, these facts had never been hidden from anyone, especially those closet to him. Everyone saw him for exactly who he was and he had always been accepted, or rejected, based on what he did and how he treated others. In my mind it was simple really . . . you act like a jerk, people pull away, you treat others with respect and love, and people move in. A spirit of control dominated all of his wretched thoughts. Protecting his heart from rejection, because of his own self-exaggerated fears, became his “Magnum Opus,” a defensive composition he performed daily with the impassioned abandon of a wounded virtuoso. The mental stronghold he assumed protected him from what he thought others were thinking had ultimately deceived him and isolated him. For years he continued on in wretched bondage, emotions rotting in reams of flagrant lies. His tearless existence slowly turned into a morbid blend of festering old wounds and, as a result, he ended up offending and ruining most relationships. Pride had slowly turned an artist’s heart into a cold dungeon, hard as flint, with little light, no real joy, or, appreciation of others, and he ended up becoming someone who was incapable of accepting, or embracing, another without fear.
To this day I never saw this unfortunate circumstance resolved in Jonah’s life. This man, who had once brought great joy to him in their youth, was remembered only for the great pain he had inflicted. On many occasions I truly wished that if I had been in possession of a magic wand that I would have waved it and changed Jonah’s inclement situation for the better. Sadly, as we all come to realize at one point or another in our lives, magic wands are only real in make believe and they never work when you want them to. It seems that no matter how we wish it otherwise, the seasons in our lives, good or bad, have to be played out to their own conclusions.
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Site: Richard L Cederberg
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Reader Reviews for
"if only i had a magic wand"
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| Reviewed by Lois Christensen |
6/9/2008 |
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| A magic wand would it have helped. He had such a big ego that he could do not wrong to anyone. Anyway I took it as that. An interesting story of a person stuck on himself and destroying to others. Truth always comes out in the end. Good neat story told magically without a wand. |
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| Reviewed by Sheila Roy |
10/28/2007 |
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The title grabbed me immediately. If we embrace dark, it will embrace us back eagerly. Eventually it destroys. Great word choices. A read with depth!
Sheila |
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| Reviewed by Staci Gansky-Wagner |
9/18/2007 |
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| Love the magic wand story. |
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| Reviewed by Jo Pelletier |
3/19/2007 |
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| Only goes to show how human we and imperfect we are....but God loves us anyway. |
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| Reviewed by Kimberley Linstruth-Beckom |
2/5/2007 |
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| This story drew me in. It is so true that "the seasons in our lives" must be played out by us ourselves and no one else. The magic wand imagery is beautiful because I think all of us at one time or another have wanted to wave that wand over someone we love. Thank you so much for sharing. |
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| Reviewed by - - - - - TRASK |
1/10/2007 |
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Magic,i.e. Simple Of It Just Say: Satan Be Gone Or Evil Be Gone...
In My Draems I Am Always Ready To Meet Demons Of (Satan) Man,i.e. I've Acttually Had Spirits Try To Choke Me Stab Me Only I AM Always Ready To Fight & Kill Them 1st-They Do Have Eyes To Be Gouged,Balls To Be Crippled, Hearts To Crush,etc.
Another Write on From The Man...I Missed This Story...
Your Friend TRASK |
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| Reviewed by David Arthur Walters |
12/30/2006 |
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| If only I had a magic wand I would wave it at myself, for I share some of the characteristics of what appears to be a classic case of neurosis (I appreciate Karen Horney's typology most of all). Alas, I know what mine are, and the neurotic is unaware of his own. Enlightenment is not the cure it is made out to be! |
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| Reviewed by Nordette Adams |
12/18/2006 |
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| Lot of truth here, Richard. Much insight. ~~Nordette |
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| Reviewed by A PAX |
10/12/2006 |
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| This is so true, great story. Initially I thought this would have been a tale of a broken heart, but reading on I learned otherwise, but did come away with a lesson from all of these, in relationship to our behavior towards others. We have no idea who fragile, sensitive or strong others are, so it always remains in the best interest of the Plant to treat all with kindness or respect. All have different breaking points, and pasts. |
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| Reviewed by Divinity 11 |
5/21/2006 |
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| too many people don't realize that their worst enemy is within..their only enemy is fear |
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| Reviewed by Sandra Mushi |
5/18/2006 |
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Don't we all wish we had magic wands, Richard?! And if only they really worked, ofcourse. Great story indeed.
God bless,
Sandie. |
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| Reviewed by Birgit and Roger Pratcher |
5/14/2006 |
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A deeply touching story. To have a magic wand would probably help a lot of people like your friend, of course it should be a wand that only could be used for good and honest purposes...sigh.
Birgit and Roger
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| Reviewed by Gloria Buono Daly |
5/12/2006 |
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| Indeed the bad will always come haunt so we should all let our good outweigh our bad. Loved and lived it. Best wishes, Gloria |
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