Relationships are tough, but we must always remember to go in with our eyes opened.

Once upon a time, Mr. Leap, (the homosapien challenged amphibian with lots of money) wanted to find himself a mate, preferably someone tall, blond and extremely beautiful. He wanted to take her away from the busy city and be one with nature.

After a million interviews, he saw her. Miss Ari Head, a full figured, platinum blond was exactly what Mr. Leap was looking for. She wore a blue shirt with a crown adorned with diamonds. She was indeed a princess.
Ari Head signed all the contracts, but later tried to renege on her promise to keep company with him for a full month. However, Mr. Leap already gave her a gold ring with a diamond as big as a beach ball. She had no choice but to date Mr. Leap as planned or lose the pretty new bauble.

Ari Head endured dinner with Mr. Leap as he ate his flies and other tasty treats that flew by. She endured late night walks along the edge of the pond; his pad was just a hop skip and a jump away. She even listened to his croaking serenade. She kept wishing a bird or snake would just snatch him away.

Mr. Leap thought Ari wasn’t very bright. She didn’t understand why he couldn’t just suck it up and go to the beach. “There’s plenty of water there,” she told him. She complained when her stilettos sunk into the mud. She complained the humidity made her hair frizz and she wanted to know why they couldn’t eat at a French restaurant.

Mr. Leap was so upset he felt like croaking, but then he’d gaze upon Ari’s beauty. Her hair was like the sun, her eyes the color of his breeding pond. He found himself forgiving her each and every time.
Ari Head started to see things differently, too. She realized if she thought about it long enough, Mr. Leap didn’t seem so bad. If Ari stay outside near still water, Mr. Leap kept the mosquitoes away from her. If she concentrated, she could imagine his pad was like having beachfront property without the sand, the sea and well—the beach. Even his croaking didn’t sound so bad once she put in her earplugs. So when Mr. Leap asked Ari Head to marry him, she said, “Yes.”

Ari Head wore a gorgeous white dress accentuating her full figure. It cost five thousand dollars, which Mr. Leap coughed up to make his bride happy. Mr. Leap’s skin gleamed as green as moss.

They lived happily ever after—for about two weeks.

The divorce proceedings were nasty. Mr. Leap claimed Ari Head was no blond and that wasn’t all that was fake. Ari claimed Mr. Leap was nothing but a toad and she told him to f—mmm … leap off.

The judge granted them a divorce. Since they were married in California, Ari Head received half of everything Mr. Leap owned. They gladly went their separate ways. Ari went directly to the mall and Mr. Leap went off to hibernate.

The moral of the story: Don’t hop into a relationship expecting to change your intended. What you see is what you get. If she’s a spoiled princess, expect to treat her as one. If you date a toad, he’ll still be a toad in the morning. No kiss will make him a prince.

So don’t be an Ari Head look before you leap!