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Jerelyn Craden

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Member Since: Jul, 2006

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Necessary Evil
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Books by Jerelyn Craden
Bowling Prayer for Jesus
By Jerelyn Craden
Saturday, January 27, 2007

Rated "G" by the Author.

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Let it be.

I woke up in Siberia this morning. Okay, it’s really Toronto, but, try and convince me otherwise. A bleak din hovers over lifeless trees. Sub-zero air blasts your senses. Streets so thick with ice causes cars to crash. How the hell am I going to get to the Disco Bowlerama tonight? I need to be mindless. To do something fun-bordering-on-silly. Swirling lights, 70’s music, and a heavy ball I can smash things with. 


Let us pray.


Dear Lord, let Richard, Claire, Trish and me get there safely so we can escape this humorless, joyless winter. Let us share the what-am-I-crazy ritual of putting on ugly, smelly shoes that reek of enough disinfectant to kill a moose. Let us choose bowling balls that don’t fit our fingers. Take turns throwing our backs out, challenging our tendonitis, pretending that the pins at the end of the alley are our bills that need to be paid, politicians that need to be replaced, a collective consciousness that needs to be woken up. Let pins fly. Lies shatter. Skies turn blue. Water turn clean. The earth turn green. Give us the strength to win the trophy of an intelligent, loving, caring world. Let all the children … What? What’d you say? You’re busy tonight?!


Wait a minute. I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Change your plans. Guide our bowling balls for a better world. Let the disco lights be Your Light. Come on, Lord, hang with us. The place is licensed, we’ll have a ball. Balls.


P.S. And while you’re at it, help Claire get back on stage where she belongs. You know how talented she is. She was in the original production of Cats. Okay, it was Katz, the Jewish version. Kosher kittens who sang verses from the Zohar.

Help Richard find a man who will adore him.

Give Trish the Supreme recipe for happiness.

And, let me have at least one decent night’s sleep.


Thank you, Lord.


We’re meeting at 7:00. Be there!




       Web Site: Vessie Flamingo

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Reviewed by Patrick Lee 3/28/2007
Hi Vessie,
It's quite unlike my style of writing, but your story has a just-slightly blasphemous air to it that's absolutely engaging, and made Jesus laugh when he read it. I think. I mean I don't talk to him very often, but I happen to know he has a great sense of humor. Don't ask me why I know that.
This one was really, really good!
You've obviously written a shows. Polished to perfection
Reviewed by Jean Pike 3/21/2007
Jerelyn, you have such a delightful sense of humor! Adults should do this more-- get out, cut loose, have some fun! Especially in the long, gray months of winter. I will visit your site here often. I see from your list of titles that I have some catching up to do.
Reviewed by Michelle Mills 1/29/2007
How He must laugh when he hears some of our prayers! This is hilarious! And the imagery about the bowling shoes was top drawer! Blessings, Michelle
Reviewed by Brett Moore 1/28/2007
I love how a bunch of major wishes come in the P.S., kind of like a sidenote. And then, of course, the demand that the lord be in attendance. A very funny piece.

Reviewed by Kimmy Van Kooten 1/27/2007
This is some prayer Jerelyn~ ...I can imagine how housebound one can feel up in that kind of weather and wanting to get out, get out anywhere, anyhow...and even if God is too busy, one can only hope He will watch over us in our most stupid decisions,regardless.
The P.S. is hilarious, in asking God to help the Jewish, the gay and the new women of the millenium! Pretty clever, and ya know what? I think he's laughing right along with your wit and probably will consider!
Love and peace~
P.S. I just listened to the song that was recorded for "Vessie, Outshining the Moon" Awesome!You must be so proud of that!

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