Here is the letter I wrote in 1999 for my Dear Birth mom before we met.
A letter for my birth Mom, I want to let you know you are special in my heart. I have wondered about you all these years. You have been on my mind. If I were able to see you I would give you a big hug, and thank you for bringing me into this world. I would tell you that I am glad to meet you, and I have no bad feelings about being given up for adoption. I would have a smile on my face. I believe that God had a plan and that is why we are not together, but I also have a wish, and that wish is to meet you. If you were here, it would be like a dream come true . I am going to try to find you.
I am searching and have some people helping me. I believe there is a reason for me to find you, because I believe you are special. I am dedicating this chapter to you. I hope you are out there reading this if you are out there. I have been in the process of looking for you. I have not found you and I will not give information on you in this book except I will say, I love you even though we have never met. I will express my feelings for you. I believe people can love each other just because we are human and children of God. I understand that you may not want to meet me. If that is true and I find you and you do not want to meet me it is ok. Just say so. I would like to ask some questions on health and I would like to know all about you.
If you are not reading this book, then this is for all the birth moms who are out there. I want to send love to all of you who were not able to keep your children for what ever reason, and had to give a child up for adoption or give them up for another reason. I know the feeling because I have a child and my child is not with me.
I am writing this because it makes me smile. It makes me feel good as if I were talking to my birth mom. I may never meet you, or see you, but you’re in my heart. I know that the most difficult thing to do is to let go of a child; it is the most un-selfish act of love. What you did was an act of love. I know you did the best for me. I am grateful to be in this life. I have so much love in my life now I want you to know. I am doing well now. Yes, my childhood was not a bed of roses but my life now is beautiful. God has blessed me. I believe we get what we need and I have a wonderful husband and I have a lady friend who is like a mom to me, who loves me. Big hugs.
Angels are watching over you Mom!
Life is what we make it.
So enjoy it. God is love.
Sending Love to you wherever you are Mom.
Some more thoughts that have been in my mind and questions I have had through the years. It seems as time goes by and I keep in my recovery answers come either from other people, or from within myself, which I believe are answers from God. The hunches I get, the taps on the shoulders, those feelings I get. I believe are answers from the spirit, God. Here are some questions I have had in the past and some answers that have helped me in my life:
Have you ever wondered?
Where you're going?
What you’re turning in to?
Why did you're birth mom give you up?
Why were you given this life?
Have you ever thought that if you were not in this life you would be better off, because of the abuse that happened to you?
I have wondered about all of that many times in my life. I also have realized that life happens and sometimes we have no power over it. I now believe that all of that stuff that happened to me happened not because I am a bad person, not because I am not loved. It happened because people in this life have free will. Also there may be a part of me that wanted to experience that in this life. I believe because of the life I lived, I became a stronger person. I did not have to choose it this way but that is the way I lived it. Now I am a better person as a result of that experience. I am so grateful.
Why did all this happen to me? I ask myself sometimes.
I came to believe that there is no better person to have this experience than I. I am glad I was able to experience my life this way. Now a few years back I would say you’re nuts to say that. Now I say I am grateful for all in my life. I am grateful to be the person who lived my life. I am grateful to be the person I am today. Life is wonderful and life is all about remembering, and experiencing. I believe we can choose to start our days over anytime we want to. So if you’re having a bad day, change the thought and your reactions to whatever is happening in your day. We can react in positive ways, or a negative ways, it is up to how we choose to react. So please join me in an attitude of Gratitude for today, if not for today how about for this moment.
I want to thank God for my life. I thank God for all the things in my life. I came to this life for a reason; I believe God has a plan for all of us. God’s plan is here for you, God’s plan is here for me. I believe we all have God within us. I believe some of us know it, and some of us show the love of God. Some of us don’t want to know it because of the fear within hurts so deep. I know because I know the fear within. I have lived in fear. I wanted to show love. I wanted to feel love. I thought I was not able to because I believed I was not a good person. I now believe I was and am a good person. I believe we all have love. I believe we are all love. We all can spread the love to the world if we choose to. I believe we just do not always see the love we possess. I believe if we get rid of fear, then we can feel love better. To me, I think of fear as edging God out. So when I am full of fear I have the wall up and cannot let the love of God within me. I thank God for the Love in my life. I thank God for the spirit that is within me and I am thankful for being open now to be able to feel the love and just be. I believe we are what we believe. I believe we become what we believe. I was not feeling like I was a good person in my past. I believe it was not that I was not good; it was that I believed I was not good. Because I kept saying I am not good I acted badly. We are good, we just do not feel good all the time. I was told God is not junk and I believe we all are a part of God, so we are not junk. We are children of God. We can be one with God if we believe. May the Spirit of God fulfill you and so it is. God bless you. I know God is. Let the love of God be with you through your journey in life. Enjoy being you, be the best you, you can be. There is no better you than you.
I am grateful to be able to be me and I am grateful to express to you all my feelings of life love and God. I never knew who I was and never wanted to. Today I am who I am. I am a child of God who wants to share that, God is love, God is all and we are all a part of this miracle called life. Thank God. God is you, God is me, so let’s all praise each other give someone an encouraging word, and so it is.
All contents Copyright © 1999-2006 by Denise Contreras