Web Site: The Widow's Might
The prayer and fasting that I had been doing for his eternal life changed to prayer for earthly survival. God delivered him from the folly of a worldly lifestyle and gave him ministry instead.
As I continued to research and study the accounts of Biblical Widows, I found myself reading the story of Nabal. His wife was Abigail and she was a righteous woman, very beautiful, intelligent and had a great personality. Nabal however, was evil and unscrupulous in business. At the time Nabalís men were to shear his sheep David sent ten of his soldiers to get a portion of the provision. David told his men to greet Nabal in his name, a very generous thing because, to offer any greeting to anyone, in your name was equivalent to present. He also sent Nabal a blessing which included a word of peace and prosperity. David said to remind Nabal that his Shepards had been safe while with him and his men and that the Sheppardís were sent back to their master without harm. Davidís young men did as instructed but Nabal saw their request as a weakness and found a reason to deny them any provision.
When the young men returned to David and explained what had happened, how he not only denied their request but insulted them, David told his men to get their swords because he was going to destroy Nabal, his family and all his servants. One of Davidís men warned Abigail of the impending doom. He explained that David had been very good to them and did not hurt them, neither were they neglected as long as they were with David and his men. The messenger continued to explain to Abigail that Davidís men protected Nabalís servants day and night, and finally pleaded with Abigail to do something because evil was going to happen to Nabal and the entire household. He continued to explain that he had to come and speak to Abigail because her husband was a son of the Devil and impossible to reason with. Recognizing the danger and ignorance of her husband Abigail quickly had her servants prepare a feast for David and his men. She was smart enough to take David and his men more than the original request. Along with Five sheep already prepared to eat, she took two hundred loaves of bread, wine, corn, raisins and fig cakes. She sent her servants to David and his men with the food and she followed later. She did not tell Nabal what she was doing because, I am sure, she knew he would not understand. I am very impressed with Abigailís strength and courage. As I write the widows might, I recognize that God prepared me to be a widow long before any of my husbands died. He gave me His wisdom, His strength and His courage to handle so many situations. Light for me is understanding and wisdom.
Abigail was also endowed with the attributes I can easily identify in my life. Anyway the Bible says that David and his men came down on Abigail. They were going to kill her and she knew it yet she still made her case. I am not sure if she was trying to spare her husband, her children, her servants, or all of the above but she was determined and put her life on the line. David too must have been taken by Abigail, because when he and his men came down against her, she met them and David explained his disappointments about her husband to her. Then in 1st Samuel 25: 22 when speaking of Nabal proclaims this: So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.
When I saw morning light in this passage the name of this chapter jumped out to me. Anyway, Abigail saw David ran and fell before him on her face, bowed, and begged David to take his anger out on her but first hear what she had to say. She told David not to pay attention to Nabal because his name meant, man of Belial and as his name is, so is he. She actually said something like, Nabal is his name and folly is his game. She continued to say that if she had of known about the ten young men David sent, she would have given them all they needed and wanted. She asked for another chance and reminded David of the blessing she had brought his men and pleaded with him not to spill any blood. She asked David to forgive her trespass. She made it seem that the entire thing was her fault because she did not know the men had come.
She told David that the Lord would certainly make his house a strong house because he fought battles for the Lord and he had never been wrong. Her petition continued as she warned him that if he took revenge on Nabalís home and shed blood for a simple reason, when he became King it may cause him grief. David understood Abigailís reasoning and blessed God for sending her to stop him. He also blessed her advice.
1 Samuel 25:36 And Abigail came to Nabal; and behold he held a feast in his house like the feast of a king; and Nabals heart was merry within him, for he was very drunken: wherefore she told him nothing, less or more, until the morning light.
1 Samuel 25:37 But it came to pass in the morning when the wine was gon out of Nabal, and his wife had told him these things, that his heart died within hin, and he became as a stone.
1 Samuel 25:38 And it came to pass about about ten days after, that the LORD smote Nabal, that he died.
1 Samuel 25:39 And when David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, Blessed be the LORD, that hath pleaded the cause of my reproach from the hand of Nabal, and hath kept his servant from evil: for the LORD hath returned the wickedness of Nabal upon his own head. And David sent and communed with Abigail, to take her to him to wife.
When I married Garcia Holmes we were both very young and both had special relationships with God. His mother came from a very spiritual ministry and he had been
saved and filled with the Holy Spirit, however he backslid and needless to say the war was on. I was sure he would get through his challenges and he would again be the Godly Husband I married and needed. I prayed and fasted and believed that fact and after years of believing God for Garciaís salvation he was attacked with a serious liver disease. I remember the day the doctor informed him that he had only three months to live.
I knew he had a doctorís appointment that day. He had been chosen to attend the Armyís Drill Sergeants School and we both were pretty excited about the move that would make us closer to our families. He had taken a number of tests as part of the physical examination required before he received his new orders. He was a very strong man, and an E-6 on the fast track concerning his promotions. He had received his last military promotion three years prior to this and we expected that the graduation from the school would all but guarantee that E-7. That meant that he would make Sergeant 1st Class after only being in the Army for 7 years.
The door opened and I heard his slow and deliberate steps, as his keys settled on the coffee table with individual tinkles I deserted my kitchen duties and set next to him on the couch. I took the time to assess his mood before I asked the obvious question. He was quiet, still and in very deep thought. Finally after just setting quietly, he turned to me, and said that the doctor told him he was very sick. According to his laboratory results he will only live 3 months.
I understand from a number of readings that your mind will take you into a state of denial when the truth is too hard to except. I went right there. First I said the test had to be wrong, then I said that the doctor had to be wrong, finally, after I recognized that he was convinced, I just burst into tears. Composing myself, I listened as he informed me about the diagnosis, and it was an irreversible liver disease.
November 1, 1984 was the date of this conversation, November 1, 1976, Garcia and I started dating. I remember the date very well. That date has been engraved in my mind and will remain as long as I live. Finally he took me in his arms and in silence he fell asleep. As I watched his sleep, I prayed for his healing. I placed my hands on his back and asked God to allow him to live and not die.
I begged our heavenly father to give Garcia the opportunity to glorify Him. He was only 29 years old, and he had not lived for God in the last 5 years. I was not sure that he would even go to heaven if he died so my prayer was desperate and sincere. I remember that how often I had prayed for his salvation. I recalled how I longed for him to attend church with the children and with me. I wanted him to be a good husband and I knew as a Christian this would happen. Now this was no long important, I recognized that if he died he needed to go to heaven. He was my husband, I loved him, and I did not want him to go to hell. What a revelation, my prayer was now for his salvation for his sake and not for my sake.
The next morning Garcia had another appointment for more test. Later the next week he returned home and informed me that his doctor said he would not die from this disease but he would have to stop drinking. The next months were a blur. Garcia attended a Drug and Alcohol program but could not stop drinking, he attended counseling and would not stop drinking, his frustration became obvious as the months went by and every attempt was halted by another episode of inebriation. Finally the alcohol took its toll and he became ill. The military put him on medical hold and his life was no longer his own.
In April, 1985 we received a telephone call from and learned that his sister was very ill. Something in that call hit Garcia deep in his heart and with enough tears in his eyes, on his face, and rolling down his chin to cover the failed cries of his life time, he told me he was ready to accept Christ as his Personal Savior. Then with deliberate and solemn words he asked me to pray with him. As I lead him in the sinners prayer and as we prayed on our knees in our living room, next to our couch Garcia was saved. He stopped drinking immediately and stopped smoking soon thereafter.
He read the Bible constantly and gained Godís strength to continue his life. Garcia had always loved music and was a remarkable guitar player. His ability to adapt original rhythms to the tones and patterns of any type of music always lifted his heart. He soon became a part of the orchestra at church then joined a music ministry.
After his discharge from the military, due to illness, the saturation of Godís word and Godís music worked miracle after miracle in his life. The drinking had taken it toil and the doctors were quite negative but Garcia was determined. He went to work for the government, and continued in the ministry. Months turned to years and he continued to live and serve God.
As his wife my position was to intercede for him even as Abigail interceded for Nabal. The prayer and fasting that I had been doing for his eternal life changed to prayer for earthly survival. God delivered him from the folly of a worldly lifestyle and gave him ministry instead. I, as his spouse understood that his salvation was to give him eternal life, not to grant me some fairy tale marriage with the perfect husband.
The music ministry was a very rewarding experience for our entire family. Weekly practices lasted for hours and the house would be saturated with melodious rhythms only rivaled by the sound of harmony produced as the voices blended to the smooth creamy color formed when chocolate is combined with vanilla and produces cream. Soon the group was playing weekly and even had a national television appearance.
One definition of light is: a type of weight that is easy to bear. How can mourning be easy to bear? This connotation does not say that mourning is easy; it says that mourning can be easy to bear. It may sound confusing, but when I saw my prayers were not in vain and realized that I had no regrets in my dedication to Garcia and our marriage, the hurt of death became possible to handle. The optimum word here is bear. The Vines bible dictionary defines bear in the sense of "begetting," and signifies "to support as a burden."
It is used with the meaning (a) "to take up," as in picking up anything, stones, John NTB 10:31; (b) "to carry" something, Matt. 3:11; God gave me the might, or the strength to cope with the pain of mourning.
The ability to survive my state of mourning is associated with being able to withstand the pain. Mourning light is a description of mourning that expresses the ability to manage the torment of emotions, loneliness, indecisions, and often self sabotage that occurs after the death of our loved ones. When Garcia died I was able to survive the loss because I knew that he was now saved and in the arms of his Lord. I am not sure I could endure losing him if I had not been able to witness his change from a sinner to a true saint. Thatís the joy the bible speaks about that comes in the morning.
Light is also defined by Vines as primarily a luminous emanation, probably of force, from certain bodies, which enables the eye to discern form and color. Light requires an organ adapted for it reception. My ability to understand that Godís power was keeping me during my mourning period was not something I felt. As a matter of fact, I actually only felt the opposite and was sure that I would never be the same. I was right, I have never been the same but my heart was the organ that received the illumination and was filled with gratitude and praise for Garciaís transformation. God did not allow me to become impaired because of my mourning and continued to share with me the spiritual things. Being surrounded by His spiritual blessings aided in the survival of my mourning because I was so aware of the temporary things of this life.
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