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E T Waldron

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The Crowded World of Solitude, volume 2, the collected poems
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A Sad Christmas Event
By E T Waldron
Thursday, December 16, 2004

Rated "G" by the Author.

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           >> View all 36


"mother new years".


He lay in bed with an IV in one arm, Blood tranfusion in the other, he had a sore the size of a half dollar starting at the corner of his mouth, it was  red and oozing.  A handsome nine year old boy, with deep dark brown eyes and lashes a women would give an arm for. He stared into my face not knowing  who I was, called me  "mother new years". It was 3 days before Christmas he was in the hospital dying of Leukemia. He was my nephew, my sisters oldest son.

He had the blood cancer for almost two years, and now he was near death. Me my husband ,and two sons had driven from New Jersey to Chicago, straight through
over the Jersey Turnpike, when my sister called to tell me he was dying. My sister and I had always been very close and shared everything.

When Dougie called me mother new years,  I almost lost it,  had to turn away and  whispered into my kleenex,  god I
hate you. I had been alone with him for an hour giving my sister a break. When she came in and went over to the bed to
ask if he wanted a drink, he said "Let mother new years give it to me". I asked her where he got that name from she didn't know. Sadly we never did find out. The name still haunts me...

Douglas died right after new years on Jan 5th. It was the first childrens death our immediate family ever had. I was as close to Douglas as to my own son who was just a year younger than him, and many took for twins, they looked so much alike.
For months I had a recurring dream of seeing my son in the white casket in which Dougie was buried. For many years Christmas was marred for us.

This was many years ago, and an unusual note, my sister and I each had two boys. We both lost our oldest. For some reason this Christmas has bought them back to me like never before. Makes me wonder why, their spirits are reaching out to me so strongly now. They are always with me, in my heart, but not with this intensity. That's why I wrote about it.Maybe I'll get the answer.

etw~2004~

  

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Reviewed by m j hollingshead 12/10/2010
poignant read
Reviewed by Patrick Granfors 12/18/2009
Time can take the edge off the pain and allow good feelings to put the mind at rest, so you can feel the spirits more easily. Patrick
Reviewed by lili dauphin 12/25/2008
We may never know why some things do happen to us. But, I believe there is always a reason.
Reviewed by Maria Smith 12/23/2008
There is a song by Lou Monte called I have an Angel in Heaven. It may answer your question. "I HAVE AN ANGEL IN HEAVEN, WHO LOOKS DOWN ON ME EVERYDAY, I HAVE AN ANGEL IN HEAVEN, BUT TO ME HE'S NOT FAR AWAY. HE'LL ALWAYS BE WITH ME WHEREVER I GO, LORD ONLY KNOWS, HOW I MISS HIM SO - I HAVE AN ANGEL IN HEAVEN ETC. IT MIGHT BE AVAILABLE ON YOU TUBE. Read my "An Italian Christmas Alone". Your story was heartwrenching and heartwarming. Beautiful writing.
Reviewed by E. A. Mourn 12/22/2008
Sorry doesn't mean much when you have had your guts ripped out of you. My brother died about two weeks before my birthday about a year and a half ago. I know who "Mother New Years" was...children don't go to heaven alone, they are escorted. You may think I am just telling you this, but the account is in my book under my other pseudonym, B. Erin Wylde in the book Where Did I Go?, I was in the middle of writing that book and he died, so I had to write about that too. I had a dream a week before he died, that he was shot in the right side of the chest, no assailant, just me, and his son, who he raised alone, were there. I knealt down beside him crying as he died. Then the dream shifted, and I was in my mother's house, the house we grew up in, and he walks in with his son like nothing has happened, he is bleeding from the wound, but I didn't care, he was alive, and that is the way dreams work anyway. I ran to hug him, he hugged me, then pushed me back, holding my arms, looking at me with that movie look that the news to come wasn't good. I had said "YOU'RE ALIVE!"...smiling...He returned my smile, but it wasn't a happy one, and said.."The doctors just think it going to take me a little bit longer to die.
I woke up, terrified since I had never dreamt about my brother before, and asked my mom was he ok. She said yes, then "Who's pregnant?" because in the south, that is a wives tale.
I told her no one...then exactly one week later, he was admitted in the am with pneumonia, two hours later on a respirator, then, his heart stopped, they brought him back, again and agian,until he was on pure drip of adrenaline. I am a Med tech and knew the pathologist who did the autopsy. He had a toxic very deadly strain of Group A Strep that killed him in a day and a half. His heart stopped because his adrenaline gland was infected and when that happens you are gone. So they told me to say goodbye, on a cell phone, I screamed for him to come back...I loved him so much...but I was six hundred miles away, and all I could hear were the machines and his greedy new wife (another story, she threw out my brother's fourteen year old son only weeks after the death, trying to steal his inheritance)singing "you are my sunshine" in his other ear. We left for the carolinas in the am, but they were worried about the toxins so they creamated him as soon as possible. I never got to say goodbye. There are no more birthdays for me. When my sister called to tell me he was being taken to the ER, she said "oh, it's nothing, just congestion in his RIGHT LUNG, where the gunshot was in my dream. I knew, I don't know how, but I knew he would be dead by nightfall. 850 people came to his funeral.
If anything were to happen to my son or daughter, I don't think I could be as strong as you two are....the loss of my brother at 45, me 41, is almost killing me.
E.
Reviewed by Myles Saulibio 12/12/2008
The answer my friend is in the people around you who care about you. No one can comfort you or your sister enough for these unfortunate losses...but know that we all share your sorrow.

All the best this season,
Myles
Reviewed by Miller Caldwell 12/6/2008
Life is what we are given. As short and as long as we are given. Let us not question how long we have nor detest the ailments of the aged or the premature deaths of so many in accidents, illness or in fateful experiences. This is what makes us human and the pain is great. For those who have died they suffer no more but turn our sorrow to life as we have it.
My condolences.
Miller
Reviewed by G Fralin 12/5/2008
I think the answer is as simple as one word: Love. Not he kind that's bandied around with little care, but the unconditional love of God and two boys who smile and entertain angels now.

I've lost two cousins, and a sister-in-law, the pain doesn't go away, or the memories, but grace seeps into our grief and helps us find peace and blessings again.
Love and God Bless
Glenda
Reviewed by Tracy Evans 2/18/2008
Bless your heart and I hope you find meaning to the name. Losing a child is far more greater pain than losing anyone else in the family. We are suppose to outlive children as adults, so I can relate with your pain. God bless you and your family. I hope you can find some kind of comfort in knowing that your nephew is no longer in pain.
Reviewed by Mary Coe 12/10/2007
Very touching and powerful story. God bless you and your sister.
Reviewed by JASMIN HORST SEILER 12/9/2007
Eileen,I feel a deep and sad heart, I can feel how close you are, they are closer than you think, just look with other eyes, your soul eyes, they are with you all the time, and on special occassions you pay more attention to them, make it a habit to listen and talk to them as intently at all times, all day, all the times....Bless you dear girl, and much love! Jasmin Horst
Reviewed by Cynth'ya cynthyaspeaks@gmail.com 11/24/2007
You have the answer Sis. When you wrote this in 2004, it was not about your nephew who died and left loved ones behind; the illness, no matter HOW senseless and unfair, is a way that God uses to test how close we are...not to others, but to HIM. In that closeness we find in coming BACK to God after we tend to blame God for things that we do not understand...we look back, and hence we find the lesson. If we process those lessons correctly, guess what? We find that we end up living a much richer life when we choose to move on in the spirit of our loved ones whom we pray have found a peace that we all should seek after when our earthly lives are gone. That starts with the reason for THIS season. Love, giving, FORgiving, and leaving lessons that even in tough times, God will see us thru them if we stop relying on our own misguided spiritual ndependence. Keep loving those wonderful memories, knowing that none of us, NONE of us, knows how we will exit this life.

All that matters is "what did we leave for others to remember us by?"
Much love,
cynth'ya
Reviewed by John Leko 9/5/2007
This is a sad event written with beauty...
Thank You...
John
Reviewed by Joyce Devenish 12/7/2006
You write beautifully Eileen. I hope I never have to face such a sad loss. Bless you Joyce
Reviewed by Sandra Mushi 7/4/2006
God bless you, Eileen.

Sandie.
Reviewed by Faye Enno 12/22/2004
So very sad, Eileen.
Reviewed by P. Michaels 12/20/2004
Eileen, I'm sorry. It's hard losing a loved one. I don't think we ever forget that loss. We just have to hang onto the hope that this life is not all that we'll have.

Love & prayers,
Patty
Reviewed by Sherry Heim 12/19/2004
This is sad, but also inspiring. He must have felt some sort of inspiration from you to call you by that name. Perhaps you need to sit down, meditate on the name, a bit, then paint whatever your hand chooses. The fact that he called you that name more than once would suggest that he had his reasons. These things always have a certain eerieness about them. I am sorry for the loss of your son and your nephew. You must have felt like lightning struck in the same place twice, right through your heart.
Take care,
Sherry
Reviewed by Dawn Richerson 12/18/2004
Eileen, I'm so sorry for the loss. Your nephew sounds as if he had the wisdom many children seem to grasp at the end of their suffering. I'm certain there is meaning for you there - and peace to mother new years. Dawn
Reviewed by Judy Lloyd 12/17/2004
I agree this is indeed sad and I think when this happens around the holidays it is all the more sadder. Take care someday you will know the answer.
Reviewed by George Jackson 12/17/2004
A sad telling of a painful part of your life. I know you are a spiritual person, Eileen, but also know that words are sometimes not enough when trying to comfort a friend. All I can think to say is that, I think, he is in a better place now, free of the pain and sickness that held him. God bless.
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 12/17/2004
heartbreaking story, eileen! it is so hard when children get sick, especially around the holidays! i wrote a story about when ronee' had a stroke on her eighth birthday; that was nearly four years ago, and the family is still affected by it. powerful, heartwrenching write; but extremely well done!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in tx., karen lynn. :( >tears <
Reviewed by Dave Harm 12/16/2004
I know two couples, who lost children. One even died in our home from a rare heart defect, at the age of 18. Her mom told me her biggest fear is that someday, people will forget her child. Ever since then, I write about these children. I do what I can to help keep their memories alive. The other couple, lost their 14 year old son on 12/18, by an "accidental" shooting. They struggle with every Christmas. I'm sorry for your lose. I will say to you, what I've often said to them. You have my upmost respect, admiration, and awe, because I don't believe I would have had your strength to carry on. Listen... you'll find your answer. God bless... Dave
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton 12/16/2004
Sad, sad tale. What else is there to say. I am sorry.

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