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Never Hiss At Your (Potential) Lover
By Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner
Monday, June 10, 2002
Betty is a girl. A gorgeous female of the feline persuasion.
Not MY girl. (Darn it. At least, not yet.) An aquaintance. (I know this cat. Well, sort of...we met yesterday.)
I'm in loooove...I'm not so sure she is in love with me, is the problem.)
Before I go further, let me introduce myself. My name is "Tigre." I am a tiger striped tabby, orange in color, with black stripes (of course!!).
Hence my name.
I just met Betty yesterday, as I've said. She is a beautiful, brown short haired tabby, with a body that's a knock-out. Tiny...not an ounce of fat on this feline. She has the most amazing green eyes. Her apartment looks well cared for...I wonder, are her pets wealthy? I'm kinda tired of livin' out in the jungle...
Absolutely stunning. The prettiest cat I've EVER seen. And I've seen a lot of cats.
How could I remember what she looks like? My mental camera was workin' HARD, Baby! It took lots and lots of pictures. Enough to fill my dreams for a long time to come. Everytime I think about her, my heart beats faster and I want to go, "MRROOOWWWW!!!!"
Like now (pant, pant).
Hey--what any guy wouldn't? He sees a pretty girl, and instantly, the sex drive kicks in, WHAMMO, he's gone, man, gone. Totally.
"MRROOOWWWW!!" (I'm gonna have to take a cold shower! And cats *HATE* water!!)
It doesn't help that she's in heat at the moment...poor little thing is miserable. I can see it in her eyes. Besides, guys can sense these kinds of things.
She wants to come out and play, but her pets have got her locked up in the apartment, darn it, like she's grounded or something. Like she's been bad. (Maybe that's why they wrote that song, "Betty's Being Bad.")
Anyway, I'm wandering by, and WOW-WEEEE, I'm arrested by the sight of this...HOT...female feline sitting inside her apartment, right by the sliding glass doors...and she's no happy kitty, I can see that right off!
There she is, rubbing against the glass. Her back feet are a-peddlin'. Her slender tail rises into the air. She wants to play.
The little flirt.
I see her. WOW, do I see her!!!!
But that sliding glass door. It's IN THE WAY.
She doesn't notice me--at first. *BOY* I notice HER!! I can't take my eyes off of her, man!!
Then she sees me.
BOING, go her eyes. From thin slits (from looking out towards the sunlit yard) to huge marbles.
Her ears lay back. We're talking, FLATTENED to her head.
She hunches up her back, and the fur along her spine rises straight up.
Her slender tail is now bottle-brushed to a raccoon's sized tail. HUGE. (With the stripes on it, it LOOKS like a raccoon's tail.)
She goes on point...right up on her claws.
In other words, she is one pissed off kitty.
Let me ask you something...why, when a female cat is in heat, does she treat her potential lover with absolute disdain? I mean, you'd THINK she'd be happy to see us! But NOOO, she hisses and she spits and she hisses and she spits.
If she's really mad, she'll slap us stupid.
And we guys are stupid for taking it!
I mean, she slaps us...and we keep going back for more!!
My lesson for today? Never hiss at a potential lover, or he ain't gonna be your lover for long!
Dedicated with love to the real life Betty we know...poor little kitty. She wants to play, but her "pets" won't allow her to have
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