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R David Fulcher

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The Extra-Terrestrial Toilet (Excerpt)
By R David Fulcher
Monday, August 13, 2012

Rated "G" by the Author.

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Summary: An unlikely duo get caught up in a dimensional rift.

Larry and Nittix hurtled through space and time in a circa 1970’s styled bathroom.

               There were discussing “The Purpose” again.

               “So clearly we were caught up in some cataclysmic galactic event, you and me, for a reason!” asserted Larry.

               Nittix hovered over the bathroom sink, his abdomen shifting colors as he expressed his frustration with this earthling. Nittix was a Skittix, from the planet of the same name.

               “This idea of purpose is a human construct. On Skittix things just are or are not.”

               He was engaging in a line of reasoning that infuriated Larry. Larry dubbed it “n-Logic”, short for Nittix-logic.

               Nittix continued with his version of The Big Bang Theory.

               “A star exploded somewhere, ripping a hole through dimensions, snatching me off of Skittix and you and your bathroom off of Earth,” Nittix stated matter-of-factly.

               “Absurd,” muttered Larry. They had been travelling for days now in the bathroom together, and Nittix’s theory seemed no more believable today than yesterday.

               There had been little else to do in the flying bathroom besides discussing The Purpose. Besides, it kept Parry of the continuous thoughts of his own eventual expiration without food or water.

               Hovering above the sink, Nittix resembled nothing as much as a giant puffer fish, and Larry fought the urge to punch him and see if he would pop.

               “Why would the creator do such a thing?” asked Larry.

               Nittix separated his two antennae, which Larry had learned was the Skittix equivalent of a shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe as a cruel joke?”

               Larry shook his head, “You really don’t understand human religion.”

               “Well, you show a similar ignorance of Skittix culture!” Nittix shot back. Indeed, Nittix considered himself rather progressive when compared to his cloudmates, and worried what would actually happen if other humans arrived on Skittix. Generally, his species looked down on any creatures that were not naturally buoyant.

               There was a sudden lurch and crash, sending Larry tumbling off of the toilet and Skittix colliding into the bathroom mirror.

               Then all was still.

               “We’re here!” Larry whispered.

               “Wherever here is,” muttered Nittix.


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Reviewed by Ronald Hull 8/15/2012
This vignette shows great creativity and pure fantasy. As fantasy, it defies physics by leaving the two bodies intact after a cataclysmic event that would rip bodies apart--unless only the souls, or mental essences, are conversing.

As with all stories like this, it is set in human terms for human readers. Even Nittix, from another world, acts like a human. Maybe this is so--that evolution of life results in the same drama we have here on Earth while hurtling through space in a toilet. We humans understand drama. We are immersed in it. Makes for good reading.

Looking forward to the "rest" of the story.


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