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Charlie

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   Recent stories by Charlie
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Stillshot
By Charlie
Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Rated "G" by the Author.

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This began as an assigment to choose a famous poem and use it's structure to create our own poem. I began with one image-- dust in light. Can you guess which famous poem's structure I used?

Part 1:  The Album

He stared at the thick column of light that sank through his window and right on through to his bedspread--stared at the countless specks of dust and lint swirling there--particles, particles, particles-- ever slowly, twisting, spinning, never straying from their glowing path, hanging there as if held by some imaginary force, suspended somehow in that golden space.  Slowly he cupped his hands into the light, watched his fingers glow, marked how the light spilled over still, onto the photo album, the bed, the floor, and then where?  If he could only follow that column to the the end, where would he be?  How the lint spun onward, bouncing in air, bumping off particles, endlessly twisting and turning about, swirling and churning and pivoting still.  He the dust. He the lint, surrounded, detached, in that measureless ocean of light.  Would he never stop swirling, twisting, spinning? Woud he ever find some place to land?

 


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Reviewed by John Coppolella 5/30/2011
Walt Whitman, interesting, I just saw in Ken Burn's the Civil War, where he went to Confederate prison camp at Andersonville, GA and saw the men who later would be mistaken for Auschwitz survivors. He was very moved and said, "There are deeds, crimes that may be forgiven but this is not among them. It steeps its perpetrators in blackest, escapless, endless damnation."
Reviewed by Donna Chandler 5/13/2011
Very well written. I could easily see the dust hanging in space.

Donna
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 5/13/2011
I am guessing Walt Whitman. Very good writing, Charlie; nice to see you here! Well done!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Texas, Karen Lynn. ;D
Reviewed by J Howard 5/12/2011
a thoughtful analysis of life in general maybe? very nice.
thanks for sharing
jch
Reviewed by Axilea MU 5/12/2011
Inspiring stuff. I like the stillness of this piece; it's a moment when time stands still and nothing seems to happen. There are so many things that happen though, only, they're invisible to the eye. I am very sensitive to the beauty and unexpected strength of such moments too. They inspired me (among others) "Hypodermic" and also part of "Antidote, she lifts", where the "column of light" is at the heart of the moment. Could you tell me more about the assignment? Meanwhile, I'm reading Walt whitman's poem and it's simply marvelous!

Axilea
Reviewed by Gene Williamson 5/11/2011
Yes, Charlie, sounds like Whitman. I guess all you can do
with dust is move it around. A good write. -gene.
Reviewed by Charlie 5/11/2011
The structure comes from "A Noiseless, Patient Spider" by Walt Whitman-- Leaves of Grass. Thanks, Christine. --Charlie
Reviewed by Christine Tsen 5/11/2011
Your images sparkle, and yes a great structure holds this together.

My guess is that this topic was perhaps inspired by "Dust" by Kate Burnside? But I don't know about the structure and now I really want to know which famous poem's structure you used !
Christine





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