I was on my way back from a trip when the airplane that I was riding in began to bounce up and down like a roller coaster ride. I always get queasy in my stomach and disoriented in space.
I asked myself, "Where else in my life have I felt this way?" I was reminded of a time when I was about 9 when Dad took me to the county fair. He talked me into riding the roller coaster with him. I had never been on that ride before. I was anticipating a thrill. We strapped the bar across our waists and the ride began. As the tension built up I was having a wonderful and exciting time. Dad and I were having an exciting time together. Suddenly the roller coaster began to climb a very tall hill. As it topped the top of the hill and rolled over to start the downward decent to the bottom, my stomach leaped out and horror replaced the void. I was beyond frightened. I screamed but Dad was having such fun that he did not even notice me. When I got off the ride, I swore to myself that I would never ride again. What did the turbulence in the air (as I sat in the airplane) have in common with the roller coaster ride. It occurred to me that then, as well as now, what I felt was a loss of being rooted and grounded to the ground. I had lost a sense of feeling connected to something solid. I was just floating in space and undirected. This was a very unnerving feeling. Many children find riding roller coaster rides thrilling and run to then every time they go to an amusement park. However for me, I never rode again. I became fearful of taking risks. I needed to be sure of the outcome and if I would be safe before I began. I lost many opportunities in those earlier years and had no idea, at the time, what or why I made those decisions. I know now how important it tis to process all the events and emotions of each day so that when I go to sleep that I have been able to put to rest all the unresolved parts of myself. The beauty of dreams is that,even if I am not aware of the unresolved issues or life responses, they will come up in my dreams and give me an opportunity to process then again. How strange that the turbulence of an airplane ride would remind me of a forgotten childhood experience. And in that memory, the opportunity to celebrate the movement into adulthood where I learned to embrace life and the adventures that life presents to me was born anew.