Written Tuesday June 21st 1988
10:10 p.m.
Dodd Street. Hillsborough, England
Dawn was about to break the mysterious Shadow World of the ‘Shut-Down’. A World of Silence broken only by the occasional sounds of Souls and Creatures, of Wind and Sighs at least that’s what he thought he heard. A World of UnReality? Or, was it?
Aztari blinked once, twice, thrice in the disorienting time between ‘Shut-Down’ and ‘Re-Activation’. Actually, he wondered whether he was ‘Re-Activated’, or, whether he was still experiencing ‘Shut-Down’. In fact, he wondered if he was!
The past few Blimms had been an incredible journey of Evaluation and Re-Evaluation of mind-altering proportions. New Data, Inputs, or, were they Downloads? Experiences, Challenges, Happenings and all the while inklings of perhaps Deep Seated Memories, inexorably bubbling to the surface of his cognizance, caused him to wonder who he was, where he was, why he was and more pressingly, if he was!
“G’Morning Aztari!” The sound of the voice so clipped yet so melodic, brought him out of his Inner World of Dreams and Wonders, sharply dragging him unwillingly into the World of Light. His Brain Waves were busily preparing him to face this, his Other World, frantically scrabbling to re-organize his Co-Ordinates thereby enabling him to, at least, attempt to function in this Environment.
He was no longer free to be whatever he wanted to be, or, even be what he wasn’t, at least for another 16 Splitts of a Blimm. In this World, the World of Light, he more often than not had to be what he wasn’t, or, certainly not what he might have wanted to be, or not to be, an oft repeated question within his Circuitry. Somehow, that tolled an all too familiar bell!
Nevertheless, this seemed to be the only way he could safely operate in this Environment, mostly by having to be what he wasn’t, or, in reality, fervently hoped he wasn’t, even though this meant operating at a greatly reduced capacity.
Any Deviation from what he wasn’t, could at any second, cause his Rejection and probable Termination and Exile to the Inner World of the ‘Shut-Down’ and he wasn’t ready for that! Left to his own Devices, he’d never be ready for that! He’d vowed secretly to himself many Blimms ago never to let himself be sent there permanently and he was certainly not going to let someone else make that decision, on his behalf, for him!
‘Light World Behavioural Patterning Initiated!’ echoed somewhere in his Cranium, ‘Operational!’ ‘Activate!’ Aztari blinked open his Oracular Viewers and got up. Once or twice, his Light World Behavioural Patterning had malfunctioned and allowed his Inner World to make incursions. For the longest time he had not realized the Danger this might place him in. He was certainly painfully aware of it now! More so, because some of the Light World Populace had noticed some of his, according to their view, Errant Light World Behavioural Patterning Mode, which in their Closeted Mind Sets they regarded as Totally Unacceptable!
He knew that he had to watch his step, but, what troubled him more, was how long he could tolerate being forced to be what he wasn’t, how long he could keep up the pretence and how there had to be a way to be free of what he wasn’t in the Light World. So far he had never been able to demonstrate to anyone’s satisfaction, except naturally his own, that what he wasn’t in the Light World was in actual fact no different to what he may have been in the Inner World of the Shut-Down, or even what he might be, let alone what he wasn’t anyway! Confused? Aztari certainly was!
He knew it though! Essentially, they were almost somewhat the same as him, at least within predictable tolerances, but they mostly didn’t seem capable of even recognizing the possibility, at least, not in their Light World Behavioural Patterning Mode. ‘Strange’ he thought, all seem to admit to sharing in the resources of the Light World and what’s more, all seem to readily admit, every 16 Splitts or so, to entering the Inner World of the Shut-Down.
It seemed to him, that only an extremely notable few of his occasional acquaintances were not only able, but, more than willing to fully InterFace and InteGratiate the two. He had to find the Reason. Most of the time he was able to control his Light World Behavioural Patterning Mode sufficiently well enough to fool the Self Appointed Controllers of the Light World.
He had never actually met them, let alone seen them. Nobody he knew in his present, past, or, future had even slightly admitted to the vague possibility that there might actually be Controllers. He couldn’t admit it to many and even if he did, he knew what lay in store for him. He wasn’t ready for that, he never would be!
‘Tea or Coffee?’ Again, that clipped, yet melodic voice instantly re-activated his circuitry.
‘When are you going to get it impregnated into your program!’ Aztari snapped angrily ‘Tea, 2 sugars and a tad of milk, I’ve never drunk coffee and I don’t intend to start EVER!’
‘You don’t need to get uppity with me, I’m programmed for choice!’
‘Yeh! Yeh! Yeh! Said Aztari with resignation, ‘Whatever!’
‘There she goes again!’ thought Aztari ‘Let it pass, don’t let her get to you!’
‘Light World Behavioural Patterning Acceptable, Condition Stable!’
Aztari wasn’t aware of theat last clipped yet melodic anecdote on a Light World level, they belonged, he thought, more to the largely unknown Inner World of the Shut Down, or, at least they belonged nowhere on any level of his cognizance.
His Rest Pod slowly disappeared into the Bulk Head exchanging places, almost imperceptibly, with the Intake Module and pressing the appropriate digital buttons removed the re-transmogrified Lobster Thermidore and Meat and Two Veg Sustenance, at least that’s what he saw instead of the Protein and Vitamin Tablets proffered before him, along with the one that gave him the prescribed energy input for this session. Naturally, without the Controllers knowledge, he had Gerry-Rigged the Transmogrifier and actually did receive the Lobster Thermidore followed by Meat and Two Veg, but only he knew that and he wasn’t telling!
He looked around longing to see any other in even near approximation to his own kind. He saw no one. Not surprising really, as he was alone and had been for the last goodness knows how many Blimms. As Pilot and Crew and Everything of the first T.L.L.T.E.R.S.S (Time Lag Longest Term Experimental Research Space Ship), although he always secretly referred to it as T.I.T.T.E.R.S (Brit slang for Laughs), he somehow knew that the Controllers felt that just one individual was enough to risk. Aztari had been chosen and whilst he was not at that time totally conversant with the Inner World of The Shut Down, any knowledge he had of it was kept well in check, at least until the first 2,000 Blimms had passed.
Even though although he was constantly monitored on board physiologically, even the Controllers had never not no how been able to tap into Aztari’s Inner World of the Shut Down. If they had, this trip would never have taken place. If they could have tapped into his Light World Behavioural Patterning Alpha Waves, they would have realized Aztari was on the brink of InteGratiation. This would have worried the Controllers greatly, little did they think that the one Project set up to rid the Light World Populace of Independent Thought had brought results that were the very antithesis of what they hoped to achieve. Ha Haaaaa!, the best laid plans of Mice and Controllers….there’s that darn bell again! My God, it's full of stars!..........
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