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* * Starman * *

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God is Always Watching!
By * * Starman * *
Friday, February 27, 2009

Rated "G" by the Author.

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A close call that could have cost her everything, but God was watching over her and had everything under control.

My AD friend messaged me and told me that she could see from my new bio pic, the pain in my eyes over my wife Bridget and her suffering. Every thing was fine with me, then an hour after my friend's message to me,  I suddenly got very emotional and had to answer her back right away.

This is what I wrote in response:

"OK, yes, pain in my eyes and in my heart, because I see her dying a little more each day, and I am very angry.

I love her and it hurts me so much. I know she is hanging on because of me and our love for each other. It is killing me to watch her to go through this, knowing that if I hadn't been here it would have been over long ago.
It is not fair to her to suffer so, and I have revealed to God that I know she is his, and I appreciate so much the love he has sent into my life. Can't I be a little selfish about her though?

I don't want to lose her, but it could happen anytime, as with all of us. My tears running make it hard to type this message. Why did your words suddenly come home to me, about the pain in my eyes?"


OK. Now God's answer that came to me quickly. While I was still writing that last message in tears, and my big ole' heart was breaking and lamenting over  Bridget's slow demise, and saying that if I hadn't been here she would have long ago perished, something alarming happened. I cried and cried , because I love her so much, and I didn't feel she should have to suffer so much everyday, and I am so powerless over it all to help her.

I realized that I could not take another breath unless God gave it to me.

So I prayed to God and thanked him for my breath and for Bridget's breath, despite it all, that  with his Son Christ Jesus we already had the victory won in him! Long ago we turned our lives over to him, surrendering all to him, but even old Christian Lions like us, need to be reminded from time-to-time that God is always watching over us.

The next thing I know, the low pressure alarm went off on my wife Bridget's ventilator, while I was in the next room, still within earshot, but out of sight from her. This is not that unusual as different respiratory and equipment conditions can coincide to cause this occasionally to happen, but then the condition clears and the alarm stops sounding. This alarm kept going off quickly getting my attention. I jumped up and went to check on her. She was sitting in wheel chair and looked at me, not knowing either what was happening.

In any case, this particular low pressure alarm has to do with a lack of air pressure going into the patients lungs, from a hose being disconnected either on purpose like for cleaning care of the patients trach area, or a fault in the ventilator hose or equipment, or settings.

This is a life threatening problem that can kill within minutes, by depriving the patient of air to their lungs. Hence the importance of the alarm.

However, if the ventilator low pressure alarm goes off while the patient is asleep or if i can't hear it from accidentally dozing off, as I am here all the time, or because I go to get the mail or something, then the clock starts ticking on her life. Therefore, it is imperative that I always am alert to her needs, as her Myotonic dystrophy , compounded, by an unfortunate hospital medication error conspired to totally, severely and ruinously, physically disable her for life.

I quickly determined the problem was with the ventilator itself, a rare failure, that caused it to quickly stop putting out any air at all. What if I had not been close by or in a deep sleep? It happens you know.

I hooked up the spare ventilator, which Medicaid denied her, by refusing to pay for it, so the respiratory equipment company donated this $10,000 machine to Bridget, to keep me from having manually bag her to give her air until they could get another vent here, which took three hours one time at 3 AM in the morning on a rainy night in Georgia. I was tired. The alternative would have been to call 911 and she would have to go to the hospital, not a good option for a stable, but disabled patient, as things there can go from good to bad to death rather quickly. So the spare vent came in handy tonight, to save much crying and gnashing of teeth on my part, and prevent more pain and suffering and death on Bridget's part.

God answered me while I was still writing those very words lamenting Bridget's declining condition and feeling sorry for myself. He pulled the reins in on me a little bit and showed me that HE isn't ready to take my Bridget from me yet. Else, I would not have been awake and alert and available to help her. Thank God from whom all blessing (like air) FLOW!

Rockie Coppolella

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Reviewed by John Domino 9/21/2009
This is a comforting write Rockie. God watches us and helps us if we call upon His name. Rockie, your story just reminds us about what is MOST important. Amen
Reviewed by Cryssa C 3/10/2009
The little things... that is what I love about our Heavenly Father most... He shows us in such tiny minute ways that He is ever present...in ways that only He and us would understand as a sign...

The giving of our hearts and lives over to Him...totally accepting His will of whether our loved ones live or die...that is an amazing experience. I will have to share with you my own story of that sometime...
Prayers and blessings to both you and Bridget.
Cryssa :~)
Reviewed by Tabitha Carter 3/2/2009
God is always watching us..and each day, he gives you Bridget. Each day, Bridget is given you. Love is always a gift and for you, you fight on. I pray for both of you. I am as sincere as I can ever be. God blesses you everyday, I know.
Reviewed by Michael Eads 3/1/2009
Your faith is an inspiration. Your dedication to your ailing wife is a testament to your unwavering devotion. May God bless you and your family.
Reviewed by Eileen Brannon 2/28/2009
God is always with you and Bridgett. Doctors have ask me about Bridgett saying they thought she had left long ago. I tell them that but for the grace of God and the Angel (Rockie) he sent to care for Bridgett she would have left us long ago. Thank you God for your gift (Rockie) sent to give us all hope. I love you both and will be over whenever I get rid of this cold. Always your Nino
Reviewed by J'nia Fowler 2/28/2009
All of my words are weightless when compared to the heavy burden you bare. But thank you for revealing so well to those who are watching and caring along with you. Blessings and prayers, J'nia
Reviewed by Regino Gonzales, Jr. 2/28/2009
Thank you for relating this episode Rock. Believe me, I'm trying to understand God's purpose in subjecting Bridget to suffering and testing your limits. May the Lord grant his blessings to both of you, my friend.

Sincerely,
Regino
Reviewed by Paul Berube 2/28/2009
A very strong and heart felt write Rockie. Both of you are in my prayers my friend. Be well and God bless.
Reviewed by Michelle Kidwell Power In The Pen 2/28/2009
Rockie, Bridget is in my prayers, I can not say I understand exactly what you are going through, but I can say I do know what it is to watch one you love slowly slipping away. The Lord will get you through this and I will be praying for you.
In Christs Love
Michelle~
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 2/27/2009
You're always in my thoughts and prayers, Rockie; may God bless you and Bridget and watch out over you both!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :(




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