That same year, when he was eight, he knew that things were changing in the home that was once a happy little place, and he was becoming more confused with each passing day.  It was Valentine Day when his dad walked out the door, and with him were his belongings stuffed in two bags.  "Sorry son...but your mom and I just can't make it anymore; and I don't know when I'll see you again."    Sammy didn't want to cry, he was too big he kept telling himself....but...still, the tears fell, late into the night as he clutched the pillow close to his chest hoping that it could contain the sobs that he had trapped within.   Some nights, after his dad was gone away, he would crawl under the bed and pretend that he was camping with his dad in some dangerous forrest.  The months passed and there was no word from his dad and he began to wonder if it was his fault.  The divorce.  Did he do something that made his parents mad enough to cause them to split up?

   Sammy didn't run or play outside much these days that turned into months, and he no longer went to play ball with his friends, nor did he accept sleep over invitations.   Sammy was afraid that if he left, even for one night...that his mommy would disappear too.  So....Sammy stopped living the life of the little man who had always been laughing and happy. 

   Maddie, his mom... was changing more than ever since his dad left home; and Sammy wondered why his mom had started dressing different....wearing so much make up, and talking on the phone until all hours of the night.  She would laugh really loud, and it was evident that she was drinking liquor too, and that was something that had never been allowed when life was normal.  Nothing was the same.  Maddie began dating all kinds of different guys, and a couple had even slapped Sammy, and his mom didn't do anything about it.   He tried to find his dad, but nothing helped....and then his mom told him...

   Sammy's dad had been killed in a car accident within six months of his leaving; and Maddie said she just "gave up."   The way Maddie told her little man this truth about his father, was as if she was talking with a stranger, and not her own child.   More and more, the fear of abandonment had taken a stranglehold on Sammy and he had become paranoid when he had to be separated from his mother; even for school.  

   It was two days before Sammy's ninth birthday, and Maddie had promised to go to Chuckie Cheese with him to celebrate; but she never came home that night.  He sat on the sofa in front of the television, never turning it on....watching a blank screen...for hours, almost without moving.  The following morning he woke up on the floor with a sofa pillow tucked under his arm.  He washed his face, brushed his hair, and walked to school, but all day he wondered if his mom would be home when he got home.  She didn't come home for four days...and he didn't tell one single soul.  He microwaved popcorn, and he drank all the milk, and he made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...but he didn't cry. 

   On the fifth morning, just as Sammy was getting ready to leave for school, his mom walked into the house and asked, "you still here?"   He left for school, and came home as he'd done all week.  This same routine he followed for a couple of weeks, then his mom brought home a new boyfriend.   Cooper was his name, and he rode a big Harley, and he soon took over the house, and his mom's car, and her things, and soon Sammy knew that Cooper was abusive and loud and a drunk.   His mother said she was "in love" and that was that. 

   Three months later, Sammy's hair was growing to his shoulders because his mom kept forgetting to take him to the barber...and his sneakers were worn, but there would be no shoes or new things...so Sammy just made do with what he had.   Late one night, after Cooper and Maddie had been out on a three day drug and boozing binge, they returned home and told Sammy, "we got married kid...what do you think about having a new dad?"    That night, after he had crawled under his bed, he knew he couldn't pretend that he was camping with his dad anymore...and so... tonight.... he cried. 

   Three weeks later, after several slappings and dodging beer bottles being thrown at him...and after his mom shook him so hard he thought he'd lose his teeth; they had a big fight.  There was screaming and yelling and punching, and cursing, and then Cooper told Maddie... "It's that kid or me...choose now... or I'm gone."

   The next morning...Sammy was trying to sneak out of the house quietly so as not to wake them from their stupor, but he had this chill run down his back...and he had never been so afraid, yet he didn't understand why.  He left for school, and when he got home later that day...he found two black trash bags sitting on the porch, with his clothes and his old dress up shoes (although they didn't even fit him anymore).   He tried to go inside, but the door was locked and his key wouldn't work!  He yelled and banged until he thought he'd go hoarse, but no one bothered to let him inside. 

   Sammy went to stay at a friends house that night, and lied to the parents.  He did the same the following night and for many nights after.  Sammy survived off his friends, and now that he was nine years old, he knew he had to keep this a secret because...he didn't want to be sent to a Foster home. Soon he learned how to survive as if he'd been doing it all his life....his short little life.

   Over the years, he went to school and then he dropped out in the 10th grade, because he was a fantastic drummer and he had decided that he was going to be a famous rock and roller.  His dreams came true , and by the time he was 18 he was playing with some of the top rock bands in the country.  The life of a rock and roller is wild and like a roller coaster ride, and soon the groupies were following him and crawling into the bus to stay with him, or the hotel and motel rooms.  He lived well, had plenty of money to spend....and along this ride, he began to do a few drugs... a little weed, a little coke, a little heroin, and soon it was alot of everything....

    Sammy got kicked out of this fabulously famous band when he was in his prime...but Sammy was not dependable, he'd lost control of his hands and his speech was becoming slurred, and soon he was almost constantly moving in a world that revolved around him...he became invisable.  

   She met him one night, this angel that had been sent without his knowledge...and she fed him...she cleaned him, and she listened to his incoherent ramblings.  Everyone had given up on Sammy, the boy who was living in the body of a man, but had remained that little lost child inside his soul.  Everyone that is...except this angel who came from nowhere. 

    He whispered to her that he prayed every single day that it would be his last.... and so she vowed to stay near.  She did her best to protect him and to keep him from doing...but nothing could stop him. He had come near death more times than she could count, and she never stopped believing in him. 

   Sammy told her about how his mother had locked him out when he was nine years old, and how he had grown strong from that hard time....so... he only wanted his mother to love him, to care enough to find him; but she never came back into his life.  He had believed that when he was rich and famous that she would seek him out; but that never happened.  He would ask God, when he was in his deepest desperate hour, to please help him find his mother...so I can see her one more time.  That never happened...that prayer was never answered.

   Last week, he decided, that he was ready to find himself again....to try harder than before...to finally seek the help at a Rehab hospital...so that he could begin to rebuild his life once again.   His angel was very proud of him...and she held him tightly that night as he promised, "this hit will be my last"..... The ambulance carried his still body the next morning to the Emergency Room, and no matter what they did... he could not make it. 

   Sammy died that morning.... he was 32 years old... and he died never knowing that his mother Maddie had preceded him in the same type of death....drug addiction overdose.... three nights earlier.  They both stopped breathing in the same hospital, in the same city, 23 years after they had been together under the same roof all those years before. 

   The angel who stood by him, who loved him, fed and cared for him...and who had given him the most security he'd had in his life...realized that her mission was over.

   Madelyn was the name of this angel, and everyone calls her Maddie.  Her hair is long and straight, and shiny blonde....with flecks of gold that run through.  Her eyes sparkle when she speaks, and her smile radiates the room.   When Sammy was laid to rest the following week, the angel was left with the few little belongings that Sammy had held inside his little treasure box over all these years.  No one had ever been allowed to touch that treasured box, that was made of a cheap paper mache, but inside as the angel took out the locket that was wrapped in tissue inside....she saw the picture of herself.... but it was not the angel....it was the picture of Sammy's mom when she was in her teens.

    Linda Law