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Please, join us for coffee. I know that you will enjoy your journey with me from Norwalk, CT to Portchester, NY
Anthony Siclare and Mary Wells sat in their livingroom and looked at their photo album of Calabria, Italy. Each photo showed a special memory which would be engraved in their hearts forever. As they turned each page, there were pictures of their country, Italy. There were miles of unspoiled beaches, palm trees and endless acres of farmland. Karen's grandfather was born in Calabria, Italy, while her grandmother was born in New York. They had never forgotten their Italian traditions. Their lives were like mosaic art, as each fragment of glass represented their traditions and values which they had learned back in Calabria. The moment that her grandfather had stepped foot on Ellis Island soil, he felt a sense of pride, but was prepared to assimilate into American Society. His heart was in both places, Calabria, and Portchester, NY.
Karen, of Norwalk, opened her heart to share "snapshots" of her life with me. She is young, vibrant, and an extremely down to earth person. We sipped our coffee and she described her life back in the mid to late 1970's. "My paternal grandparents had an Italian accent when they spoke," she told me.
Karen said that Sunday mornings were special as she explained the vivid details. "Do you have any rosemary herbs?" her grandmother would say. It was early Sunday morning when Karen heard the sounds in the kitchen. She remembers her paternal grandmother chatting in the kitchen with Karen's mother while they cooked. Also, Karen remembers hearing the sounds of the pots and pans in the kitchen early Sunday morning. "Is this the right pan?" Karen's mother asked. "My paternal grandmother taught my mother how to cook," Karen explained. "I remember the smell of gravy and going to mass on Sunday mornings. We went to St. Mary's Church in Norwalk, CT," she explained.
Karen's mother loved to sew. She remembered a maxi skirt that her mother had sewn. Back in the 1970's, maxi skirts were popular. A maxi skirt was a long, straight skirt. She remembers going to the fabric store with her mother. "Come on girls, we have to go to the fabric store," her mother yelled across the yard. Karen ran across the wet, emerald grass. "My mother dressed all three girls alike. we always had the same outfit, but she made it in different colors. Since I was the middle child, I got to have the most unique outfit. My mother always added something different to my outfit to make me stand out," Karen said. She remembers the excitement of picking out the border for her skirt. Karen and her sisters looked at the large, wooden spools of ribbon. "Pick out anything that you want," Karen's mother said. "Look at this one, there are yellow and white flowers on it...I like this one better.." the girls said. They laughed and smiled. It is amazing how much joy the wooden spool of ribbon created. The simplest of memories are often the ones that people remember the most. Karen explained that the thick ribbon was used as trim for the bottom of their maxi skirts.
The next snapshots of Karen's life are Sunday mass and visiting her grandmother in Portchester, NY. "Is everyone ready for church?" Karen's father yelled. "Yes dad, we're ready," Karen said. They never had breakfast before church because they wouldn't be able to receive communion if they ate before mass. One of Karen's sisters yelled, "I can't find one of my shoes," while the other sister fussed with her hair. Karen remembers that her older sister wore a red maxi skirt, while Karen wore white, and her younger sister wore blue. This part of the story reminded me of my own mother and Aunt. My cousin and I had the same sleeveless dress for Easter one year. My Aunt made one dress for my cousin and my mother made the same style dress for me, except mine was lavender and my cousin's dress was white. However, we had the same purple and white ribbon sewn on to the middle of our dresses.
Karen remembers walking to the car for Sunday mass. Uh oh. There was a problem. "Oh no, Mommmmm,!" Karen shouted. "We can't walk...our skirts are too tight....!" Although they had tried on their outfits, they had not walked while wearing their skirts. "What's all the commotion about? Karen's father asked. "I forgot to put the slits in the back of the girls' skirts!" Karen's mother yelled. "Well, it's too late now...we have to get to church!"
Karen said that her father had to direct traffic while all three of his daughters walked across the busy street to get to St. Mary's church. "Look at Dad!" the three girls laughed. Karen's mother rolled her eyes and put her hand on her cheek with embarassment. A man in a convertible beeped his horn as the three girls waddled across the street. Since the skirts were so tight, they were not able to walk fast. They looked like 3 penguins crossing the street. "We don't have all day," one man yelled from his car, while another woman shouted, "Get out of the road!" Karen's father looked at his wife and said, "The things I have do to for you and the girls..." He put up his hand as a signal to stop oncoming traffic."I can't beleive that you forgot to put the slits in the girls' skirts", he said.
Karen remembered how her father always referred to his daughters as his "Three Little Chicks." He never felt disappointed that he did not have any sons. Sometimes he played in the yard with his daughters, fixed the tires on their bicycles, or read to them. He always smiled at this daughters and his wife lovingly as he ate his homemade ravioli and gravy. Also, Karen remembers that her parents did not allow their daughters to drink soda, except on Sunday. They were only allowed to drink Ginger Ale on Sundays. There were not any other choices for soda in the household except for Ginger Ale.
One Sunday morning, Karen sat on the floor and played with her dolls. One of her sisters put the small, plastic shoes on to the dolls feet. "Let's pretend that your doll is getting married today," Karen's older sister said. They put the female doll's hand into the male doll's hand as they walked them down the aisle, which was a long piece of white felt. They placed a piece of tulle on the doll's head for the veil. It was the white tulle that had contained the candy coated almonds from an Italian wedding. "Come on girls, it's time to eat. Please hurry," Karen's mother said from the kitchen.
Karen's father ate his pasta and said, "We have to go to JJ Cassone's Bakery today to pick up some rolls for my mother." Karen remembers the aroma at JJ Cassone's Bakery. She explained that her paternal grandmother lived in Portchester, NY. She lived on the first floor of a two family house while Karen's aunt and uncle lived on the second floor.
She remembers that going from Norwalk, CT to Portchester, NY was a long day trip. In reality, Norwalk, CT and Portchester, NY were not that far apart, but back then, if you were going to be driving more than 15 minutes, parents made it seem like a day trip that was several hours away instead of 30 minutes away. Karen's story reminded me of my own family. While I was growing up in the mid to late 70's, I remember thinking that Trumbull, CT was a far distance from Danbury, CT. A trip that was only going to be 30 minutes away felt like it was going to be hours away.
Karen looked at the freshly baked, Italian bread and rolls at JJ Cassone's as her father grabbed the brown paper bag filled with a couple dozen rolls that they would share with her grandmother. A few minutes later, Karen arrived at her grandmother's house. Her grandmother was sitting in a comfortable chair with a colorful, handkit afghan. "Hi grandma," Karen said as she gave her grandmother a warm hug. "Guess what Grandma? I got a good report card the other day!" Her grandmother loved hearing the news about each grandchild. "I am proud of you," her grandmother said.
Sundays were special because of the scent of gravy in her house, going to church, and taking a ride to Portchester, NY. Most importantly, it meant spending time with grandma. "Here's some change for you in case you want to get something from JJ Cassone's," her grandmother said as she reached into her purse. Although the girls were just at JJ Cassone's, sometimes they would walk back later in the day to buy a treat.
"I remember playing board games on Sundays, before we left to see grandma" Karen said. "Monopoly, Life, Yahtzee, were all favorites." This triggered my own memories of playing games such as Clue. I always thought that Colonel Mustard did it, no matter what, so of course, I lost the game.
Karen noticed it was 6:00pm when she took a bite of her cookie at her grandmother's house. This meant that it was time to go upstairs to her aunt and uncle's house. Her grandmother always said, "I have to watch the Lawrence Welk show now." While her grandmother watched Lawrence Welk, everyone had to go upstairs so that her grandmother would not be distracted.
Karen's Aunt put the pepperoni, prosciutto, provolone, and salami on a large, oval plate while Karen's mom cut the fresh rolls. "We always had sandwiches at my aunt's house every Sunday at 6:00pm. "Touchdown!" the sports announcer said. "Hey did you see that?" the men cheered. The men watched football or other sports games on television. Also, Karen remembers other shows from the 1970's, such as the Dick Van Dyke Show. She remembered the sights and sounds at her aunt and uncle's house as if it were yesterday. Most of all, Karen remembers chatting and playing with her cousins.
Karen mentioned that she will never forget the family gatherings, holidays and picnics in Norwalk, CT. All of the relatives had to follow each other from Portchester, NY. There was always a long procession of cars. One relative would drive to the other relative's house, and then that relative would follow. They repeated the cycle until there were about 10 cars following each other. Karen's family packed sandwiches for the ride home. The sandwiches were made with fresh rolls, cold cuts and meatballs. They wrapped the freshly made sandwiches in aluminum foil so they would be well fed for the ride! I remember this in my own family. If you were going to be driving more than 15 minutes away, the Italians had to follow each other.
Karen's mother sliced the peppers on the wooden cutting board and asked Karen to taste the sausage. "Is it good?" her mother asked. "MMMM, delicious," Karen said. "Get the game of croquet out of the garage so you can play with your cousins," Karen's mother said. "I remember playing croquet near a big, screened house that my parents always placed on the patio during the family picnics back then," Karen said.
Suddenly, Karen said that her family had "Siclare Syndrome." I laughed and said, "What's that?" She explained that her parents would not eliminate anyone from their guest list during family parties, gatherings, or during the holidays. Her mother would say, "Well, he had eye surgery, so his son has to drive him. If we invite his son, we have to invite his daughter and son-in-law. We can't leave them out." Other times, her mother would say, "He just had a knee operation, so he has to ask his nephew to drive. If we ask his nephew, then we have to invite his nephew's girlfriend." This explains why the guest list tripled by the minute. Also, if her parents invited John and Marie, then they had to invite their neighbors because they all sat together at the dinner dance and they would be offended if they were not included.
The phones were ringing from Norwalk to Portchester. It was a chain reaction. After one phone rang, the next phone rang. I remember my own family and how we included everyone. Back then, there wasn't any such thing as crossing names off a guest list. I could just imagine the long grocery list and how many pounds of dough they had to use to bake all of those cookies.
During family occasions, Karen's uncle Sal took out his mandolin. He touched his mandolin and said, "ssshhhhh" before he began to play. He always sat at the head of the table, rolled up his white sleeves, and played the mandolin. "Sometimes we would sing, but my uncle never liked us to sing while he played the mandolin," Karen said. "Ssshhhh.." he said. It had to be quiet while he played the mandolin. "Listen," he would say, as the beautiful sound of the mandolin filled the room. Karen will cherish these memories forever.
One night, during a cocktail party at her mother's house, Karen sat on the steps and looked into the livingroom. "Make me a Grasshopper," one person said. "I'll have a Hi-Ball," one person said. "How about a Whiskey Sour?" These were the popular drinks in the 70's at cocktail parties. She remembered the men standing in the livingroom with their suits and ties as her mother carried a tray of "Pigs in a Blanket." Back in the 70's everyone loved to eat "Pigs in a Blanket," which were mini hot dogs, wrapped in a baked dough. "We used to have Mr. Peanut Bowls," Karen said. One night, Karen sneaked downstairs and looked around. As soon as she realized that no one had seen her, she stole the cherries out of the cocktails. "I remember the thin, glass stirrers that my mother had. Every cocktail had a glass stirrer," Karen said.
The doorbell kept ringing and people were carrying cream pies, coffee cake, and pound cake. Karen's mother had a white, linen apron with daisies embroidered on the front. "She always had to wear a fancy apron at family gatherings while the "Pigs in a Blanket" and cocktails were being passed around. Sometimes, the house had an aroma of coffee during other gatherings, such as her mother's "Coffee And" parties. Some of the women wore platforms and flare pants at the parties back then.
As the sun set over Main Ave in Norwalk, CT, Karen smiled and said that her memories are forever etched in her heart. Also, she mentioned that Italian traditions are not completely lost. "Although times have changed, we cherish it enough to keep it strong," she said. Nowadays, Karen has taken over the family holidays, as she remains connected to her family. No matter what, family memories and traditions live on forever. It is during hard or sad times that we automatically want to connect with our past and carry on our traditions.
As Karen recalled her memories that evening, she remembered the sound of laughter as her parents listened to that loveable comedian, Pat Cooper. Also, she rememberedthat her parents loved to listen to Dean Martin. The Dean Martin song echoed through the house,
"Volare, oh oh
Cantare, oh oh oh oh
Let's fly way up to the clouds
Away from the maddening crowds
We can sing in the glow of a star that I know of
Where lovers enjoy peace of mind
Let us leave the confusion and all disillusion behind
Just like bird of a feather, a rainbow together we'll find"
Most importantly, Karen will always remember how her father sang, "Daddy's Home" whenever he arrived home from work. The sound of the front door opening and the sound of her father singing "Daddy's Home" will always be in Karen's heart.
"You're my love, you're my angel, you're the girl of my dreams, and I'd like to thank you for waiting patiently, Daddy's home, Daddy's home to stay."
-Cliff Richard
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