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Odin Roark

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Books by Odin Roark
I'm Scared
By Odin Roark
Posted: Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Last edited: Tuesday, July 10, 2012
This short story is rated "PG" by the Author.
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Recent stories by Odin Roark
· Pockets
· Poetic Injustice
· Letter To Friends
· Cave Cracks
· Bubble Choices
· Like No Other
· Surreal Dummy--Still Here
           >> View all 52
2nd chances come along once in a while.

I'm Scared

Ever feel like runnin'?
I feel like runnin' now
Like I used to

It was nothin' then
To be bad, I mean
You know
Take somthin' don't belong to you
Tear up shit
Just to be...

I don't know

They used to yell at me
"She'll grow out of it"
You know
But damn
I didn't want to
It was fun bein' wild

Once too often I screwed up though
Shoulda kept my mouth shut that time
But he was a mean bastard
He beat that old lady
You know
I showed him
Bit that hand good
He ain't ever gonna hit anything again with that one
Then they locked me up
Big time

Death Row ain't no fun
You know
They said it was quick though
You just go to sleep they said
Least that's what the others said
Those who'd been in and out
Told me stay good enough
Appeal in front of the right person
You get out
Slip up bad enough
You get back in

I was scared

Good guy pleaded my case though
Surprise evidence
Surprise witness
I got lucky

So here I am
That's way behind me now
They got me turned around
And yeah
I am better in a lot of ways
Still got a temper
It slips once in a while
When my kind forgets to keep the old mouth shut
Pisses me off  though
I see the mean bastards from a distance usually
But it takes my eye off the ball
And one thing I learned
The past two years
You can't afford to drop your guard

But I'm okay now
I think

Here I am

This arranged marriage...
I want it to work out
But hell
I'm expected to be all fine and good
You know?
I'm still the bitch
That ran wild just two years ago
Got myself locked up
Beat death
Got lucky
Got fixed
Learned what I had to learn
And here I am

I meet him in twenty
They got me all gussied up
For the special day
Hate this perfumed shit
They thought I should wear

Think he cares
He lived through five deployments
Iraq couldn't kill him
Afghans failed
Some brainwashed kid with a vest tripped his squad up


And here I am whinin'
I got responsibilities now
Gotta job to do

There he comes
They said he hated the white stick
Always tripped him up
At the curbs and gratings
Now he's got me
All harnessed up
Ready to be his bitch
A new kind of bitch though
Look at his medals
Oh jeez
He's kneelin' now
This is where he says somethin' like...

There I go again
I'm whimpering like a pup
I'm past that
I'm the man bitch now

A dog ain't supposed to cry

I'm scared


Reader Reviews for "I'm Scared"

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Reviewed by Ronald Hull 7/11/2012
Brief and guttural––straight from the street, and wrenching like it would be if it was real. Damn good writing. Wish I could write that good.

Now for reality. Talked to that girl this morning. She wants me to write her biography. It's quite a story. Ran away from a mean father as a teenager after having a son– left him to her mother– and was on the street. Gang raped more than once, she shot and “accidentally” killed a guy that raped her and served six years. She's married about six times–twice to one guy–and tried every drug including crack cocaine. She has a temper, and recently hit her last husband in the head with a pliers she used to start her car with and got two years mandatory for assault with a deadly weapon. She's out and I got her a job. She's married (by job) to a old guy with dementia for five days a week, twelve hours a day, and happy to be working and living alone in an apartment I helped her get.

She talks just like your story. Perhaps I should write hers. Seems like there's a lot more.

Reviewed by Carolyn Dye 7/10/2012
Woow so love this it's raw but so very real can relate to what you're saying, keep up the short stories pleas love them.
Reviewed by Diana Legun (Reader) 7/10/2012
Funny how we directly assume the words are about the author. . . this was a genuine voice given another, filled with the real stuffings of life. Strangely effective those last lines from "There I go again...." because they integrate a dog's expressions of emotions with what we feel ouselves and recognize in an animal's face; being scared. I found this arresting ("A dog ain't supposed to cry") and viscerally good. ~~ DIana
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton 7/10/2012
Little misdirection involved herein, Odin. Gotta love it. The man has his work cut out for him, I do believe. There is still enough badass bitch in her that she'll probably lead him into the middle of the Santa Monica Freeway . . .

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