SYNOPSIS: It is colder than frozen shit down here in the cramped and dangerous tunnels of The Harbor in the post-cataclysmicworld. The real fucked up part of the deal is that compared to the Little Ice Age conditions on the surface, even seeing your own stinking breath plume out before you is considered warm and safe in comparison. Juan and I find ourselves here, in this horrible, dangerous place, because of The Good Doctor. His organic narcotics trade is booming. Juan, Mary and I want in. We have to find him and the nocturne, seeif they will let us. We are down. We are hungry. And we are bringing Blood and Bubblegum as an offering to sweeten the arrangement. All of our dreams will come true . We just have to live long enough to see it all the way through.
(The 9th year, After Cataclysmic Events, during the 13th Waxing Moon, on the 2nd Day.)
Or, two weeks ago:
Yeah. Itwasjust another banner day here in The Harbor. We were deepunderground where we waited as patiently as each of us knows how. The organic narcotics trade is what brought us here to this horrible place. Everything depended on the three of us getting in good with the nocturne. He held the keys to the kingdom, as it was, and only him. There just isn’t any other way to enter that world at the level we crave without his sanction, as well as that of the kingpin of all organic narcotics: The Good Doctor. We cannot go anywhere near The Harbor king. So, we were forced to wait outside that shoddy bar, around the corner of the long tunnel. It connected with The Harbor at all points, like an ersatz Main Street.
Even beneath the ice-covered earth, it is still cold as frozen shit down here. The real fucked up part of the whole deal is that down here is considered comfortable. Compared to the Little Ice Age conditions on the surface, even seeing your own stinking breath plume out before you is considered down right toasty in comparison.
Here is where Juan and I found us. We were both worried almost sick. Juan especially was taking it hard. Mary and the hen had gotten lost in the bar crowd. We were supposed to watch over her and protect them both. It was my fault, though. I had let Juan’s girl get past us.
We were eyeballing the dimly lit tavern entrance. We were waiting for the two of them to emerge. I was getting myself more and more nervous by the second. I shouldn’t have lost sight of them.
“Thesestupid fucking people, I’ve taken shits smarter than most of them,” I informed Juan by way of distraction. Juan didn’t answer me right away. Instead we watched the flotsam as it floated on by. They traveled down the tunnels and out of sight. Unfortunately, the stream of undesirables was continuous and it went on and on in both directions. And their smell was so rank it was cloying.
“Hell, my shit takes shits smarter than these sad fucks,” I emphasized.
“I’m sure of that,” the smart fuck finally says in response. Fucking college boy. I mean, if there were still colleges, I imagine the students would look like this motherfucker here. All clean cut and smart and shit.
“It’s the main advantage of being born without a soul,” I told him, trying to explain. He says fuck-all, so I added: “And just look at them, why don’t you? They are nothing more than sheep being led by their bellies, their noses and their peckers. It disgusts me, it truly does.”
“Says the guy that lives in my ass,” smart fuck added.
“Watch your fucking mouth, Juan,” I warned him. Then, I’m forced to educate: “I’m not just some guy that lives up your ass; I’m an unholy shit monster!” I declared. “I was born of infection and despair and have counted coup on many of my enemies, Juan.”
“So you keep saying, Morbid,” he acerbically replied.
“Yeah, well… just keep it up,” I warned him, probably futile, but. “You may just find your own self on the wrong side of my rage, pal.” I moved around in his colon and jabbed my fingers into his fucking pancreas and ran my nails down his ribs. He winced just like the bitch he is.
“Alright, Morbid, shit! Just try and calm down, man.”
I think about it and decided to let it go for now. He’s just worried about Mary. So I only gave him the one more ‘flick’ on his inners to let him know what’s what. But that’s it. I can’t do too much more to him. I am dependent on him for protection and shelter. It would be cutting off my nose to spite my face if I did any real damage to him. As much as I am loathed to admit it, I know I need Juan. My survival on the outside is very limited, both in scope and time.
I can deal out a great deal of damage. Yes, sir, I can roll out a whole bus-load of manic mayhem. I can cause one unholy hell of a ruckus, but it takes a great toll on me. I can die on the outside, if I take too long. Whereas, once I’m safely ensconced inside, I can go on and on indefinitely. I must rein in my anger sometimes and recalling this hard truth sure does help.
“Okay, Juan, I forgive you but watch it.”
“Thank you, I will. What was it you were saying?” he asked. He was still peeking around the corner, waiting for his girl and the golden goose to come out. When she does, all of our dreams will come true .
“I was just saying that there are things I want to do to each and every one of them. I want to rind them big. Just like a king-sized, under-ripe bright yellow-peeled banana.”
“Gee, that sounds like so much fun, Morbid, but we have to be careful and not act on every one of our bad impulses,” he explained to me. I don’t know who he thinks he’s talking to.
“That’s easy for you to say,” I told him. “You weren’t born hardwired for violence, hate and havoc like I was. Fuck, man, my whole being is steered by bad impulses.”
“That’s an honest,” offers Juan.
“True enough, son,” I told the smart college boy. “I guess I’m merely seeking a better class of folks to be around.”
“Same here, buddy. Why do you think I went to that piss-hole dive bar nearly every fucking day for fucking weeks looking for him, huh? Do you think I did it for my health? You were there, right?”
“Right, I was there every step of the way. Horrible wretches, they are. The place was a disgusting pig-sty.”
“Again, says the guy who lives in my ass.”
Let it go, let it go, let it go…
“I’ll just let that one go, Juan.”
“Sorry, Morbid,” he said. “It was slow softball pitch, though.”
“You had to swing at it, am I right?”
“You are,” he acquiesced, “But we need to get our game faces on now. I think they are finally coming out.”
Finally. Juan and I weren’t one hundred percent sure that Mary would be successful in getting the egg-layer to go with us.
It is always touch and go when dealing with Plata fiends. They have to be played just right. But we both see Mary coming out, coop-chick in tow, her eyes always on our prize. This is how it’s done. This is how we are going to get in.
We followed Mary and the egg-layer at a discreet distance. We didn’t want to startle her. The plan was to take the hen back to our place and get her wrecked out of her skull on Plata. Once the organically resultant hydromorphone-methamphetamine hydrochloride derivative butt-fucks her cranium, that’s when Juan and I are to move in.
When they are high enough, the fiends will agree to anything. Even to being a nocturne’s continual source of sustenance. The egg-layer might even dig it. Hell, she might even suggest it.
The both of us became wildly excited once Mary turned a corner and glanced over her shoulder at us. She winked once and smiled at us and we knew right then we had the carrot necessary to tempt the nocturne.
We followed Mary and our prize, still at a carefully discreet distance. Down through the main thoroughfare and on off into where the wheel spokes spread out. The dark cold and ever-present stink of bad hygiene and bad karma floated like sulfur incense in the still air.
Another test: Juan had to Taser one of the dumb-shits when they began to trail our ladies. This one had followed them just a little too close for our comfort. Looking at him step out of the gloom and fall in right behind them, we saw his desperate plans. It was evident in the quickness of his step and the unsheathing of a blade. There was no doubt to Juan and I that his heart and eyes were chock full of bad intent.
Juan moved quickly. He came up behind the would-be attacker and zapped him with the Taser, right in a fleshy spot on the back of the neck.
The dumb fuck fell like so much discarded cord wood. We stepped over him. We continued on our way with out as much as a backward glance. Juan and I could hear the creatures as they were noisily slurping up the blood from their fallen comrade while it still flowed warm.
The screams followed us as we turned a corner. The frightened sounds faded quickly. The muffled shout of the fallen became nothing more than a gurgle of fluids as something big tore into his throat. Then the hunter became the prey.
That kind of shit happened all the time down here. It was just another banner day in The Harbor.
We caught up to the two of them as Mary neared our domicile.
EXCERPT Transmission Complete