Ending On Good Terms
edited: Sunday, February 13, 2005
By Aubrey Hammack
Not "rated" by the Author.
Posted: Wednesday, November 19, 2003
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How to end a relationship in a positive constructive way.
This is for that person that is currently in a relationship and for whatever reasons they feel it needs to end. I have often wondered why it is so hard to let go of a person and do it while you are on good terms. Why can’t two responsible people, know when it is time to let go and just do it in a kind loving way? I think it has to do many times with one person not being ready to say that good-bye. The other one might feel sorry for them and not push it or there might be such good sex that neither one wants to give that up.
Then there are times when couples are so needy that they can’t bring themselves to end the relationship. The chemistry or addiction that exists sometimes between two people in relationships at times makes it so difficult to let go.
Also, many people just don't like change. When you are comfortable with someone, it is easier to just like things rock along and do nothing.
The following vignette will give an idea of why it is so difficult to let go. This example involves a couple involved in an affair. They have been seeing each other for 2 or 3 years and they believe they are in love with each other. They realize that they have options. The options are simple. They will leave and divorce their spouses and marry each other. On the other hand they can do nothing, or start making plans to separate at a later date. .
Other couples find themselves ambivalent and procrastinate. They can't quite let go so they just hang on with promises to let go in the future.
Needless to say many times while a couple involved in the affair is deciding to let go, the affair is found out. At this stage there is much unrest. Some times the married couples sort of stumble back into their old marriages.
Now, what happens to the affair partners? A lot of times when the affair is found out, they quit cold turkey. No chance to say goodbye or anything. Of course the grief is still there but it is bottled up many times and starts coming out in unhealthy ways later.
While this is going on, the infidels start feeling like enemies. Sometimes this is necessary for survival for both of them.The real reasons for getting involved in an affair is never sorted out. The couples go back into their prospective husbands or wives feeling glad that they haven’t lost their marriages. When they think about what has happened, they begin to feel some safety since the affair ended. They even fill relieved because they have a cozy nest to return to.
Well, now if this is going to happen, why can’t the affair couple say good bye to each other in a sensible way? So many times you just hear that it ends with all kinds of explosions. Does it not make sense for two people who have said that they love each other to at least have the courtesy of saying good-bye in a loving way. This is a healthy way to end a relationship. I believe if this could be worked out the old marriages that are saved might even be stronger in the long run.
For those that do agree to leave on good terms, they could say their farewells in a public place in full view of people, unlike the way the affair was begun usually. You would need to agree on a time frame of how much time you need for this. Perhaps it would be several hours or a complete day to be together to start this termination. Or it might take several meetings to actually convince themselves they need to end it. By that I mean that the rest of the work would be done out of each other’s presence after this initial so long. Could this work? I believe that it could.
This article is idealistic I suppose. But it certainly seems like something to shoot for. My daughter, a psychologist, when asked about this topic, reminded me that it is very rare for people that split up that can remain friends.
What do readers think about this? I would like to know.