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Aubrey Hammack

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Keeping Relationships Alive
By Aubrey Hammack   

Last edited: Monday, March 10, 2003
Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2003

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Deals with having a good relationship in a marriage after the children come.

BY Aubrey Hammack

How do newlyweds help to keep their relationship vibrant after the children come? Some pre-planning is necessary to insure that couples have quality time together or there will be problems.

As soon as a newborn is brought home from the hospital, drastic changes occur between the way a man and his wife relate to each other. Instead of being the center of each other’s world, they become the center of the baby’s world.

The usual unplanned times alone disappear. But with planning and scheduling, couples can still make time for each other. It is important that husband and wife realize that they had a special relationship before the baby came and that there are things that can be done to continue this.

Below are some suggestions on how to keep this togetherness when children have changed the status quo. Ask friends for referrals for reliable baby sitters. The best way to handle this is to have a regular sitter that you employ. The purpose of this arrangement should always be to have an opportunity to spend quality time together. If at all possible at least once a week, couples should be able to get away with each other, free of the children. Weekend retreats should be planned regularly.

There are ways to have quality time alone when the kids are home; however. The first lesson is that all couples should have locks on their bedroom doors. The children as they get older should be told that there are times when mom and dad will be in that room with the doors locked. It can be called mom and dads time out. This should be done on a regular basis, but the freedom for impromptu times should be there.

There are some other ways to keep the interest in marriages alive. You can do little things such as sending flowers to the office or asking your mate for a date. Share a soda with two straws when your are out alone together. It might would silly but something as simple as this promotes intimacy. Set your clock to awake an hour earlier than usual sometimes and use this to do something special together. Schedule time to talk with each other about feelings. One thing that is always a problem when the children come is for mom and dad to be able to talk with each other without interruptions from the kids.

You can promote togetherness with a spouse by showering together, washing each other’s hair, going to a movie, giving massages, holding hands, writing love notes, gazing into each other’s eyes for long periods of time, using the favorite perfume or cologne of your spouse, conferring with each other about hair styles or new wardrobes, meeting your spouse for an impromtu get together at lunch or some other romantic place, planning a second honeymoon to name a few.

If you want to entice your lover for a romantic evening at home some suggestions might be: to leave love notes around the house such as meet me at 10 PM in the living room or bedroom, or on the outside deck, prepare dinner for each other and serve it by candlelight, making arrangements for a babysitter, buying your spouse that special CD that they have been wanting, having a fire in the fireplace and inviting your spouse to come sit with you. As you can see there are countless ways to make your marriage more exciting.

Remember the focus is to promote intimacy with each other. It is possible to keep relationships exciting after the children but you have to put forth an effort. Having children is a blessed experience, but remember that couples still need to feel loved by each other.

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Reviewed by Staci Gansky-Wagner 2/1/2008
Good article Aubrey with some informative and helpful tips.

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