Steps to heal your relationships with self and others

The Good, Bad and the Ugly of relationships.

If you find yourself in the same type of relationship time after time, you might enjoy this little exercise.
Take three sheets of paper, at the top of the first write Good. At the top of the second sheet write Bad. At the top of the third sheet write Ugly.
With your candles lit and soft healing music playing in the background you are ready to look at and learn from your last relationship. You can also do this exercise for each relationship you have been in, including the one with your parents.

Take a few deep breaths and sit with the first sheet of paper titled Good. Allow your mind to go over all the wonderful and positive aspects of the relationship. Write down what attracted you to that person, all the great feelings you had. Name everything you can remember that was really good about that person, yourself and the relationship. Take you time.

Now take the second sheet of paper with Bad at the top and remember and write down all the hurtful, negative, painful aspects of the relationship. You might be very specific and write down situations one at the time that happened, or just general aspects.

Give yourself several days to complete these two lists. Be honest about yourself and your partner in the relationship. This isn’t an exercise to blame or judge or name call. This is an opportunity for you to really dig into the mechanics of your relationship.

When you feel ready to move onto the third page titled Ugly begin to list your regrets. Keeping in mind the other two lists as you remember and write, record things you wish you had done, said, not done or said on this list.
Take your time making this list, as it is the most insightful of the three. When you have listed your regrets move on to the last stage of this exercise.

Take a beautiful piece of stationary and at the top write “My Relationship With Love”.
Begin your day by reading to yourself this statement, “I will only speak to myself with love, confidence and respect.”
Having made the three lists you are ready now to discover what it is you are really seeking in a relationship with others. Note the areas which repeat themselves over and over in your past relationships.
If you discover you seek acceptance, then write this down and covenant with yourself to accept you.
If you seek unconditional love, then vow to love yourself in this manner.
Continue working on this sheet of paper until you find yourself thinking differently about relationships and about your part in them. Stand before a mirror several times a day and tell yourself “I love you”.

I read many years ago that relationships suffer due to two broken people coming together expecting the relationship to make them whole. This never works. We must first be whole, then we will attract others who are whole and together we will bless and encourage each other for further growth.

Love yourself well,
Donna DeVane
Manyfeather