Join Free! | Login 

Happy 4th of July!
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Stephen Cafaro, iDavid Arthur Walters, iLois Santalo, iAlan Cook, iDominic Caruso, iMaria Daddino, iStan Law (aka Stanislaw Kapuscinski), i
  Home > Psychology > Articles
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

William S. Cottringer

  + Follow Me   

· 349 titles
· 534 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
Member Since: Sep, 2002

   Contact Author
   Message Board
   Read Reviews

· Reality Repair

· Reality Repair Rx: Knowing What's Up and What's Not

· Do What Matters Most

· P Point Management

· The Bow-Wow Secrets

· You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too.

Short Stories
· We are all Prisoners In The Vicious Circle Tit For Tat Bullying Tag Game

· Doing What Matters Most:: Simplifying Your Overload

· Success by Default

· Finding a Title to Your Book

· Hannah's Christmas Wish

· The Dream

· My Brick Wall

· The Two Things God Wants From You

· 20 Writing Tips for Better Results

· Elements of Critical Thinking


· Five Pillars Of Happiness

· Little Laws 4 Big Success

· The Cllenge For Returning Veterans

· Be Your Best Self By Not trying To Be A Better You

· Staying Happy in Hopeless Situations

· The Tao of New Information Age Time Management

· Two Questions Worth Answering

· Going Up of Down?

· A Photographer's Eye

· The Familiar Stranger

· Default Man

· The One Thing to Check

· Suicide Survivor

· Choice of Rebirth

· When

· My Best Teacher

· What Is Time?

         More poetry...

William S. Cottringer, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

Books by William S. Cottringer
The Obvious But Most Misunderstood Quality Behind Success
By William S. Cottringer
Last edited: Sunday, March 20, 2011
Posted: Sunday, March 20, 2011

Share    Print   Save
Recent articles by
William S. Cottringer

• 20 Writing Tips for Better Results
• Elements of Critical Thinking
• Five Pillars Of Happiness
• Little Laws 4 Big Success
• The Cllenge For Returning Veterans
• Be Your Best Self By Not trying To Be A Better You
           >> View all 237
Empathy is the common denominator behind all success in life, work, play and relationships.


The Obvious But Most Misunderstood Quality Behind Success
Bill Cottringer
I look for a role that hopefully I feel empathy with and that I can understand and love, but also that has that challenge for me to play - a different kind of role, a different type of character, a different time period.” ~Kathy Bates

     Everybody has a theory about and their own private formula for success. But something is missing. That missing thing is the most obvious but misunderstood common denominator behind all success, whether it is success at relationships, work or play. Many things are inter-related when it comes to success, things like having the right purpose, the amount of effort you are willing to expend, the timing put in place, the degree of creativity imagined, the particular approach used and the perseverance and patience exercised. But one main thing drives all the others and this is the quality of empathy.
     Some important success-related qualities stand out more than others in developing and displaying good character and spiritual maturity. These are love, hope, charity, compassion, acceptance, understanding and forgiveness. But even these fundamental drives in life are fueled by the quality of empathy. In any of the helping professions, the development of empathy is the number one goal in the curriculum, because it is so important and because everything else is secondary to it. The same goes for being successful in any work, relationships or play, and in doing anything from being popular in school, achieving business success, being an elite athlete, running a non-profit organization that gets results, having a good relationship, working as an employee doing something worthwhile, satisfying and meaningful or being a stay-at-home parent using home schooling for raising your children to be successful.   
     Why is empathy so important and what important purpose does empathy serve? These answers are the same. The most fundamental truth we all sense and know in our bones, but can’t prove rationally, is that everything is connected in an ultimate “oneness.” This means that everyone and everything else’s pain is our own and anything we do to anyone and anything else, we are really doing to ourselves. This is not any easy insight to grasp and understand; but once we do, everything makes perfect sense. This is especially true about the evil tragedies that bring tears to God’s eyes, that we judge as being very wrong and very undesirable, but nevertheless, serve the purpose of letting us know they are wrong.
     All the mental, emotional and soulful pain that all living things sense and experience is energy that forms what earlier Psychologist Carl Jung called the “collective unconsciousness.” Empathetic people are especially able to tap into this pain library in the sky, but only because they are open to and have great courage to experience the dark and painful side of life to better understand and accept it—from horrific events like the Hitler Holocaust, Charles Manson’s brutal murders, school violence and terrorism and deadly mayhem today.
     Being able to exercise enough empathy to be successful as a student, teacher, business leader, athlete, non-profit director, employee, stay-at-home parent, or a wife, husband or partner, can’t be taught; it can only be gained from having the openness and courage to experience the dark and painful part of life to truly understand, accept and forgive those who offend our souls. This may be the single most difficult challenge we face in life, and most commonly fail at, which just perpetuates the violence and extreme failures in life. We have a very big problem without a cure.
     Unfortunately, there are no sure prescriptions for developing or displaying this ultimate success quality of empathy. But there are some clues as suggested below:
1.     Closely study great movies, plays or TV shows with outstanding actors and plots that are highly successful. Awhile back when our local Blockbuster went under, I purchased the entire 8-year compelling TV series “24.” There is not a minute that goes by with watching each episode, that doesn’t offer a valuable clue about empathy. And the movie, “Max” with John Cusack, offered some very valuable clues as to what drove Hitler’s behavior that is near impossible to understand, accept and forgive, especially about his political use of the violent artistic colors of black, white and red. Study good movies or plays for clues about the important quality of empathy.
2.     Nature has an abundance of natural empathy to watch and learn from. That is also one of the best places to meditate on life, our connections to the oneness that we can’t explain, and what our real role is in living to make it better for ourselves and others, so that we all get to the finish line.
3.     History is loaded with horrific and painful events to study and learn true motivations of the evil deeds committed by the worst villains. This is an open door to understanding and feeling the empathy that realizes the relevance of the adage, “There but for the Grace of God, goith I.”
4.     Trust life to do the one thing it always does sooner or later—take you through the dark and painful part of living during the most extreme adversities, to a better place. Have the openness and courage to experience both sides of life—the good and comfortable and the bad and uncomfortable—both for yourself and others. We all depend upon you.
It's got to do with putting yourself in other people's shoes and seeing how far you can come to truly understand them. I like the empathy that comes from acting.” ~Christian Bale.

William Cottringer, Ph.D. is Executive Vice President for Employee Relations for Puget Sound Security, Inc. in Bellevue, WA, along with being a Sport Psychologist, Business Success Coach, Photographer and Writer living in the scenic mountains and rivers of North Bend. He is author of several business and self-development books, including, “You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too” (Executive Excellence), “The Bow-Wow Secrets” (Wisdom Tree),“Do What Matters Most” and “P” Point Management” (Atlantic Book Publishers), “Reality Repair” (Global Vision Press), and Reality Repair Rx (Authorsden). Bill can be reached for comments or questions at (425) 652-8067 or


Web Site The Prosperity Zone

Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Popular Psychology Articles
  1. Fear and Love and Doom
  2. How To keep A Job In Tough Times
  3. The Dream
  4. Building Common Sense
  5. Elements of Critical Thinking
  6. The Cold Gray Skies of December
  7. 1400 WNEX
  8. It's A Wonderful Life
  9. Saturnine Melancholy: Chronic Ennui in the
  10. Keeping In Touch

The Bow-Wow Secrets by William Cottringer

Dogs follow seven laws that lead to happiness, peace of mind and success. These simple laws are quite adaptable to human life too...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.