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Jameson Gardner

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The Future of X-tina
by Jameson Gardner   
Not "rated" by the Author.
Last edited: Thursday, June 03, 2010
Posted: Tuesday, June 01, 2010

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Christina Aguilera's new album launch and all of the drama surrounding it.

 Are you too busy to watch music videos anymore?   Fear not dear child for you can catch about five of them rolled into the latest from Christina Aguilera, "Not Myself Tonight."  She literally pulled out every stop, threw in every fetish (except bestiality), did about fifteen different provocative, costume changes and had an orgy in a church.  All of these things were accomplished in approximately three minutes and six seconds.  Phew...I need a drink just thinking about it.

The video is "all the talk" on gossip sites like "Perez Hilton."  But the talk isn't nice.  She has been labled, "Floptina Copyulera" in claims that the songbird is incapable of coming up with anything new or original.  The latest buzz is a slam that she is desperate to compete with the outrageous, new queen of pop, "Le Ga Ga." 

The black-hearted fag in me would have to agree but my other self remembers that Christina Aguilera is a bit of an outsider that made it within.  She's also a champion for gay rights and a “dirty girl gone good.”  An example of Christina's perspective comes from this 2008 tweet:

"They’re (gay couples) constantly pushing to be heard and given equal rights. I think there’s a lot of unfairness that goes along with being gay, so the more I can do to give them a voice, then I’ll do so.

"But I think we’d be fooling ourselves if we thought that everywhere was accepting of gay rights and marriages. I think it’s unfair there has to be some kind of standard for marriage. Marriage should be about two people celebrating their love for each other. It shouldn’t have anything to do with someone’s sexual preference."

"Europe is a lot more open when it comes to sexuality. I think with that the history of European culture, there is a lot more openness to being provocative."


When I lived in LA the buzz about Xtina was glamorous.  She rolled with the Hollywood, cool crowd ie: photographer, “David LaChapelle.”  She kept on staff one of the world’s finest makeup artists, “Sharon Gault” and pranced around in Christian Loubouton designer shoes.  What is not to love?  Absolutely nothing.  But as her life changed with marriage and a baby Christina became yesterday’s news all by the tender age of twenty-nine.  It must be mind boggling to go to bed one night on top of your game and wake up the next morning facing “challenges.”  Her 2008 single, “Keeps Gettin Better” was a disaster by Aguilera's standards.  Despite debuting number seven on the American Billboard Hot 100 the song was considered a failure and Christina’s new look was berated as a copycat of Lady Ga Ga.  


After a four year hiatus she has released one single and leaked a few tracks from her new album, "Bionic."  Premature reviews and opinions have things starting to look like Xtina’s ship is rapidly sinking.  If I didn’t know better I would have advised “Miss Dirty” to fire everyone and bring in new blood/energy along with a few rabbits feet for good measure.  But Christina’s album “Bionic” is indeed the product of new, new, new.  She sent out a pied piper’s cattle call inviting all of the world’s young, hot and foreign talent of the future, ie: “Tricky Stewart, Le Tigre, Switch, Ester Dean, Claude Kelly, and Sia.” Speaking of Sia, the Australian singer/songwriter, has added three songs to this album.  The surprise performance of "You Lost Me" on American Idol is beguiling and if this is any sign of what X-tina's future looks like then I say the future looks fantastic.


 Her next single “Glam” produced by Tricky will tell the tale and hopefully pull a gun out of a few record executive's mouths.  Amidst the bad reviews rumor has it that her tour has been cancelled (or "postponed") and rescheduled for 2011.  

If you have half an ear for music you have to ask yourself, 'what went wrong with her debut video?'  From an observer's point of view I would believe that if this project fails it is no fault of Christina Aguilera.  It is a sad reality that a star will split praise, adoration and money with their supporters when they succeed and bear a solo burden of abject humiliation when they fail.  But in today's world a star is the product of their camp.  He/She are only as good as the spin doctors behind them.  Christina, despite her skanky ways of yesterday, is the perfect instrument of pop stardom.  Ask yourself how many women would even think to try on the outrageous costumes featured in her last video "Not Myself Tonight" and then perform in them.  She is fearless, beautiful and blessed with a four octave singing voice.  However someone story boarded, edited and mixed all of this nonsense into a humiliating blunder.  Then ask yourself, "who could have done it right?"

I have to admit that I have bought everything that Lady Ga Ga has sold and I can’t pass a magazine gracing her image without thinking, “Gotta have it.”  But who would ever believe that a woman as talented as Christina Aguilera could be eclipsed by the ascension of one star?  Are we so fickle and small minded that our attention can’t flutter away from one idol?  Yes Christina has been away a long time.  And yes her debut video is a little desperate.  But Christina Aguilera is a great, American pop star in the prime of her life.  She deserves a little respect and patience.  I also believe she has surrounded herself with the right energy and something wonderful is about to happen.  So wait a minute longer for the pot to start cooking.  Better songs are yet to come.

…and that’s going to be perhaps the nicest thing that Jamison Gardner will ever force upon you.  I promise.








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