edited: Wednesday, April 23, 2003
By Rodney Evan Bohen
Posted: Wednesday, April 23, 2003
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Yes, the perky ones, why will they not merely leave the rest of us alone! These relentless glee peddlers, perhaps the scariest of all known to man, in our midst!
May I begin by stating, I have no problem with glee, when streaking across the face of a babe in the midst of a moment imbued in wonder and fun? I have no problem either with this glee factor touching others of us more advanced in aged destiny on occasion.
I do however confess having a slight problem with overly perky folk! Yes Perky, the trait a squirrel exhibits after discovering a secret hoard of nuts! Or the look on a child's face after finding the Easter egg hidden.
Please, I beseech you, think not that I remain a man buried and immersed in stoic and serious only! For I as all, have my moments of muted glee nestled in subtle to be sure.
Rather what I object to is what in the Hippy days we referred to as plastic! No, then we were not referring to boob implants nor penal either! In the days when the nomad Hippies roamed and wandered in varied caravans of diverse, the term plastic simply referred to painted on varnish fake! Get It!
Now, I cannot speak for you, but I can smell a fake twenty miles away! And yes, often the fake is steeped in this gag me trait of perky as well! Now, I can perhaps handle fake and plastic, if the situation demands my physical attention, for a brief moment that is, yet! When you couple the plastic to perky creating the gagging affect of a twin PP! Well, I then must dismiss myself quickly from the table, stomach begging to hurl!
Yes, these perky folk always seem to want to peddle their brand of perky as well! Its not enough that they are allowed to exhibit these clown like qualities and attributes in the public marketplace and arena of life, but no, they want all to wear the big red clown noses too! They are the ones at an infants birthday party that insist that Daddy play pin the tail on the donkey too! Yes, and wear the damnable pointed dunce party hat as well!
To please my Mother once, at one of my birthday parties when young, I went along with her odd sense of humor whilst she distributed colored nose warmers to all in the cozy little group! Did I mention it was my sixteenth birthday party? Well, hell, you should have seen the look on my face, in the photo! Yes, a picture does paint a thousand words indeed. Yes, I did it to please her, knowing her quirky sense of humor, but know this! I'd not have put it on for anyone else alive!
Yes, the perky among us are such as these, silly beyond corny, yet in their eyes just having good old down home fun! Well, I can only speak for myself on this matter of course, but as for me, I seek not to invite the horses ass, as my mask of day, for it finds me frequently enough as it is, ok? Without me running to the moment, as if in a race!
Yes, the perky ones, why will they not merely leave the rest of us alone! These relentless glee peddlers, perhaps the scariest of all known to man, in our midst! Yes, the ones always saying c'mon Rodney smile! Say cheese for the camera! Hey, cheese this ok! If you want the picture, snap the frigging thing! But dictate not the face you feel I should wear! Cus I don't want it to be like yours ok! All stretched out with stretch marks from smiling, cus one day when your muscles due to age, collapse and break down, the whole plastic face collapses into a heap of crumpled smiles once, now turned upside down into three chins!
I jest of course...sort of that is! I do detest overly perky I must admit, yes, likened unto the cheerleaders in high school, just way too much smiling going on to my way of thinking, yes, just a tad too happy-dappy to suit my fancy.
Oh I don't believe in wearing a frown daily, for surely this is true comedy to all who view! But I don't feel one has to be traipsing around either over elastisizing their face, due to unprovoked smiling. Yes, often they are the very same that insist on invoking this tired blessing of past each time they depart, being yes, "Have a nice day" hey! I'll have any damn day I choose to if its all right with you there Cappy ok? I mean the nerve! Trying to manipulate my very day!
Hey listen, you wanna get a little manic and excited on holidays and the likes, you go right ahead with my blessing, But! lets try to curb that syrupy stuff from the mainline marketplace shall we now? Alas, the glee peddlers! When will they ever learn?
In closing, I admonish you to keep those silly wide overly animated smiles and happy-dappy facial expressions, to yourself if you please, and yes, you real extra perky folks, lets slam some talcum on those shiny radiating faces ok? Cus if there is anything I detest more than perky, its a damn, happy-dappy shiny face ok!
Rodney Evan Bohen