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Rodney Evan Bohen

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Campy Nasty Habits
by Rodney Evan Bohen   

Last edited: Monday, March 24, 2003
Posted: Monday, March 24, 2003

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Geez, must you do that in public I ask?

Campy Nasty Habits

Over the years, in order to make a living, my exposure to the public market has left me bewildered often, insofar as the base instinct and comical antics of mankind.
It has remained my keen observation encompassing my fifty-two year walk, that many indeed among us possess habits most crude to be certain!

May I state for the record of history, that I enjoy not having to relive these sordid events and moments in time, neither do I find it appealing nor attractive to rewalk these haunting mind photos, but merely find it my civic duty?

Yes, we one and all have bad habits I am sure, yet we in painted pageantry seldom demonstrate these base habits in public! Well, I should say most of us don't!

May I begin with the innocent nose picker, that we find readily littering our freeways and byways of life in huge numbers. I especially find this animal most aroused when driving, perhaps the stress of such things driving their finger furiously to their nose in exploration. I must admit I find it hard to look away from such as these, yes I know, it remains I fear my sometimes sordid sense of sick humor I fear, moreover, my favorite is to continue my detective type probe until yes, I discover what they do indeed do with newly discovered debris! Oh yes folks, be it a crude barometer depicting human behavior or not, this procedure spells and tells volumes concerning the tidiness of the two legged beast resting in wonder to behold.

I shall not recount in word form this day the varied places of deposit I have uncovered due to my keen observation, for truly my desire is not to sicken, but merely report!

Yes, and not only children scratch and probe their butts in private! Oh no, you have seen many an adult display this primitive instinct in the public arena as well.

I must in childish excitement now direct your attention to my favorite without further adieu, yes, may I introduce this day for your consideration and perusal the spitter!
Alas, such a stain upon the dignity of mankind indeed. Now, I understand as all, we from time to time perhaps daily have need for such activity, yet I suggest merely, that walking down the street may not be the ideal place for such explosive releases of launched projectiles of questionable substance.

Men have inherently felt themselves the exception to this rule of conduct in public, while women have been more polished and modest in this practice.
Men, I have only this to share with you this day, I think you are mistaken in thinking this practice paints you in attractive, and for those seeking to catch the favorable eye of the opposite sex, I srongly suggest ceasing from aforementioned flaw and foible.

Last but not least, and overlooking on purpose the folks that pass gas in public, their remains one quizzical beast yet to observe, and yes this indeed is my favorite of all! I have seen it practiced and performed on construction crews as well as walking down the streets of New York City, and yes, sadly I say, I have seen you girls enter into this one as well.

May we now in closing, focus ever so briefly upon the person in need of a Kleenex?
Now we have all been their once again painting us in common to be certain, yet I must implore and beseech you fellow citizens, that in the absence of such a product and aid, it is NOT acceptable in my humble view, to merely insert your knuckle into your one nostril and blow! No, this has to be considered the crudest of all! Please, do us a favor and merely breath through your nose till you embark upon your given destination. And you girls, hmm, hmm, hmm, not a good way to catch a guys eye!

I must confess in closing, I find it sad to find need to cast such admonitions to parchment, but as I grow older in time I have become a tad more squeamish I fear, and what once amused and tickled me, now rather ushers in animated nausea. So when traveling in public folks, let's be careful out there, cu's it's a jungle!
Rodney Evan Bohen

Web Site: Rodney's Painted Pen Commentary

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Reviewed by Helga Ross
I know what you mean. My public sensitivities go further, yet - I get squeamish when I'm squeezed into too close proximity to those preferring to emulate the 'great unwashed'.
Spitting - IMO - a 'Man Thing'.
Try as I might, I fail miserably. Not that I've ever been remotely motivated to try.
I never could throw a decent overhand in baseball, either.
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