Headline Orlando Florida

Tiger Woods Injured In Car Crash

Eyewitness report (wife) 2:30 am:

Heard crash, rushed to scene, Escalade knocked over fire hydrant and hit tree in front of residence. Used golf club to smash out rear window of vehicle already involved in a rear end collision with aforementioned objects.

Responders report:

Found individual lying on street with facial cuts and mouth bleeding while lapsing in and out of consciousness. Serious injury.

Hospital spin, 16 hours later:

Patient released in good condition

Translation: (Multiple Choice) choose as many as applies ….Tiger

A): Did something really bad and should be very grateful his wife is  not a golf pro and that she didn’t sleep naked last night.

B): Should be glad that the vehicle door locks were operational

C): Needs to consider the benefits of conscious lapses as it applies to club hostesses.

D):  Needs to consult with Toyota’s lawyers about sticky throttles.

E): Should wear his seat belt like the rest of us.

F): Should stay in bed at 2:30 am like most of the rest of us

G):  Should realize that sleep driving is its own cure

H): Should have been driving the Buick he plugs and none of this would have happened.

I): Needs to offer a donation to the Arborist’s Society

J): Needs to talk to his knee surgeon about faulty wiring

Copyright 2009 Patrick Granfors