Headline Orlando Florida
Tiger Woods Injured In Car Crash
Eyewitness report (wife) 2:30 am:
Heard crash, rushed to scene, Escalade knocked over fire hydrant and hit tree in front of residence. Used golf club to smash out rear window of vehicle already involved in a rear end collision with aforementioned objects.
Found individual lying on street with facial cuts and mouth bleeding while lapsing in and out of consciousness. Serious injury.
Hospital spin, 16 hours later:
Patient released in good condition
Translation: (Multiple Choice) choose as many as applies ….Tiger
A): Did something really bad and should be very grateful his wife is not a golf pro and that she didn’t sleep naked last night.
B): Should be glad that the vehicle door locks were operational
C): Needs to consider the benefits of conscious lapses as it applies to club hostesses.
D): Needs to consult with Toyota’s lawyers about sticky throttles.
E): Should wear his seat belt like the rest of us.
F): Should stay in bed at 2:30 am like most of the rest of us
G): Should realize that sleep driving is its own cure
H): Should have been driving the Buick he plugs and none of this would have happened.
I): Needs to offer a donation to the Arborist’s Society
J): Needs to talk to his knee surgeon about faulty wiring
Copyright 2009 Patrick Granfors