My freshman year in college marked the beginning of a new life for me.  Finally, I was able to get away from the physical and verbal abuse that my mother had  subjected me to.  I was so very elated to begin my new life.  Little did I know, that around the corner would come a knew form of silent and deadly abuse.  This new abuse was sugar coated with God's Holy word, so it was very difficult to detect it as abuse.

Riddled with low self-esteem, I thought I had died and gone to heaven when I joined the group.  Everyone was very nice.  All the members took me in with open arms.  I never felt so loved in my entire life.  Slowly but surely, things began to change, first we were required to give  fifteen percent of our income to the group, secondly we were required to attend services twice a week.  Once a week we were required to go out in the community to actively win new members to the group.  We did that by talking to people at malls, parks, apartment buildings, homes and going to bars to recruit so called sinners.

I had been a part of the group for eighteen years before  it occured to me that something was very wrong.  The president of the group came down with a new decree, you could not own a home because :" It is against God's word to be in debt."  He used the scripture  that says "Owe no man anything."  A lot of people sold their homes; but  I refused to sell mine.  My husband and I decided to pay off the house.  God had blessed us a lot because we bought our first house for a very good price in the late 80's.  You were not allowed to have friends outside of the church group because according to them we were the light and everyone else outside the group were in total darkness.  

People started leaving in droves after it was alleged that the president of the group was having an affair with a married woman.  The woman's husband filed a suit against  him, all this became very public.  There was no hiding  this from the members.  It was during that time frame that many truths about what was really going on began to surface.  My husband and I began to speak to former leaders and members  who had left.  From them we learned  things that very disturbing.   Upon finding out the truth, we left and to this day have  never gone back.

My husband and I had to get counseling in order to deal with the reality that we had been spiritually raped.  It took us around two years to finally get our lives back on track. We are truly blessed because God have healed our hearts.  The worst part of this ordeal was the shame I felt, to have allowed these people  to brain wash me.  How could this be?  I am an educated woman. 

What I learned,  after many sessions of counseling is many people become victims because of their need to belong and to be loved.  I was a prime target because of my upbringing.  My husband , though never abused like I was became a prime target because he grew up with four older brothers and he struggled to  find his own identity.

There is always a lesson to be learned from every experience, what I learned is God is still in control, no matter what the situation.  Most importantly,  who  am I to continue to smoother myself in self-pity?  I had to learn to forgive myself for  making such a stupid mistake.  I had to let go of the bad and adhere to the good.  Good?  What good? The good being, finally learning to  allow God to fill up the empty places in my heart.  we sometimes think the grass is greener on the other side, but what we really need is to cultivate the grass we already have by watering it daily and feeding it the proper nutrients.   I am an ardent believer in "THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL"  Forever, the optimist I will survive, I have survived because LIFE IS WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!