Thursday was a gorgeous fall day. As I drove down Douglas Boulevard, the trees offered me a stunning visual of bright red, orange, and gold leaves. I was feeling such gratitude that I’d gotten outside (I’ve been inside writing for days) to experience the beauty of this day. It was about to get even better. I was on my way to meet my dear friend, Christine, at the farm where her horse, Simon, lives.
Christine is an amazing woman with a huge heart. Not only is she a horse lover, but she’s also a horse rescuer. A hero! When Christine asked me to come and meet Simon, I knew it was something I was meant to do. Her intuition had told her that Simon had some things he’d like to share, and my intuition told me that she was right. This would be my first official reading on a horse.
Simon’s a big boy! He’s a mix between a Paint and a Shire, stands over sixteen hands tall, and weighs approximately 1800 pounds. Because he’s such a love bug of a horse, wherever he boards, he’s a barn favorite. His pleasant nature is amazing, really, especially when you consider his background. His early life was not easy. He was a Premarin baby.
Until I met Christine, I didn’t know what that meant.
Premarin is not a type of horse; it’s the brand name of a drug, an estrogen hormone used in the treatment of menopausal symptoms. The name is derived from the source of the ingredient: Pregnant Mare Urine. As you can imagine, what’s valuable to those in the business of drug production isn’t the pregnant mare. It’s her urine. What’s even less important is the foal that’s born as a result of her pregnancy. The foals are taken from their mother at a very young age (only months old) and typically sent to slaughter. Their meat is sold.
But animal rescue groups have stepped in to help these animals. They work hard to raise funds so they can buy the foals at auction and find adoptive owners, thereby saving them from death. Those who adopt these baby horses aren’t just horse owners. They’re life savers.
I knew that Christine had rescued Simon, but when I went to do his reading, I didn’t know the Premarin story.
As I arrived at the farm and drove down the long driveway to the stalls, I could already feel Simon’s energy. He’d begun talking to me, in fact, two days prior, the day that Christine and I set the date. He’d telepathically given me a little information. He told me that he was sensitive about being moved to different farms. He’d also shown me a vision of himself when he was young and in a pasture where he felt sequestered and lonely. I could feel a real sense of abandonment and trauma, but I didn’t yet know why.
Simon’s Angel Reading
“Hi, Simon,” I said as I touched his face. “Let’s brush him,” Christine said. She handed me a grooming brush. It was an excellent idea. While we both brushed him, Christine gave me a little of his story. As she called him a “rescue,” I felt a subtle reaction in Simon. I could also feel his intense loneliness. This was not a result of being left alone, because he’s not alone. It was an internal condition, the kind that comes when you don’t believe that you’re worthy of love.
I was overwhelmed momentarily by how completely I could feel his feelings. I’ve always loved animals and cared deeply about their feelings, but I’d never actually experienced an animal’s emotions so directly before. I found that I understood exactly how he feels because I, too, have felt abandoned and unloved during my lifetime.
“Simon,” I said, “I’m going to tune into your feelings and try to talk for you. Maybe you could find a way to let me know how I’m doing?”
I could feel his sensitivity. He’s an emotional horse. I was also a little surprised at how well he understands everything that’s said around him. The first thing I learned was that he didn’t want to be called a “rescue.” The word triggered a bad feeling inside him. It was a reminder of his unfortunate beginning. I also got the impression that it would be best for Christine to think of him as a young child and only say the same kinds of things you’d say in front of a child. That way she’d protect him from hearing things he might misunderstand. After all, he’s only four. He’s still a baby.
I’d been standing on his side, and now I moved in front of him so I could look him in his big intuitive eyes. As I tuned into him, what came to me is that he felt like a horse in the foster care system. You come to a home and want to believe this is your forever home, but you still feel a little unsure, he told me. He communicated that he felt fearful every time he was moved to a new farm. At first he tried to figure out why he was moved. He wondered if it was his fault. Did he do something wrong? Had he done something to jeopardize the love Christine felt for him?
When he found himself at a new home, it took him awhile to get over his anxiety. Was Christine coming back for him? He loves her and is grateful to her, but he often wonders if he’s safe, secure, and wanted. I felt his inclination to test her a little bit to make sure she really does love him. How very human!
As I explained Simon’s feelings to Christine, he lifted his right front hoof and started scratching it across the ground. My eyes widened. Whoa. I looked at Christine. “Do you think he’s telling me I’m getting it right?”
She nodded. “I’m sad about hearing that. He’s had to move a lot lately.”
Then he explained the rest of his fear around moving: the horse trailer. He worried about what was happening when he got into a horse trailer. It triggered his insecurity toward humans.
“What can I do to help him feel better?” Christine asked. “Realistically, you do need to move horses in trailers.”
“He said he just wants to know what’s going on,” I told her. “He says it would help if you would vocalize everything. Speak to him. When you move him, tell him why he’s being moved,” I suggested. “Reassure him that you will still be there for him at the new place. Talk to him like you would talk to anyone else. He understands. He’s a really smart horse.”
No wonder he didn’t like to be moved. Horse trailers brought back sad memories for Simon. Just like an abused human, he has trauma that he’s trying to overcome. His early trauma created insecurities. Humans with traumatic histories often try to control their life in an effort to create feelings of safety for themselves, but Simon has no ability to control his environment. When change happens, he can’t express his fears.
Imagine having all those feelings and no way to communicate them.
Christine patted him on the head. “Tomorrow,” she told him, “we’re going to go in the trailer because we’re going to Folsom Lake.” Simon loves the lake and loves going in the water. All she would need to do to make that experience easier was tell him again in the morning and then, when she loaded him up to come home, reassure him that they were going back to the farm. It would be all right. All he really wanted to was to be talked to. I suggested she also verbalize all her feelings of love for him. It would be very healing for him to hear that.
After I finished Simon’s reading, Christine then took me to meet a couple other horses. I marveled at how easy it was to feel who they were. One horse felt like old money; the word “elite” came to mind. He’s seriously smart. I laughed. “Christine, if this horse could go to college, he’d be at Harvard.” Or, I thought, he’d be right at home in a polo match in the Hamptons. He’s not obnoxious in personality, but he certainly does think of himself as a special horse.
The second horse felt like he had a solid upbringing with a loving family. He’s gentle, relaxed, and very good-natured. And so content with his life as a horse.
As I left the farm, Simon’s feelings lingered with me. The experience had been quite powerful, very emotional. I’m always learning about how all of God’s creatures are the same inside. We all have the same feelings!
It felt good to know that everything would be all right for this horse. All he needed was Christine’s reassurance and her explanations of what was happening in his life.
In his heart, he simply wants to know that he’s loved and wanted…
Just like we all do.
Peace & Love~
Want more information?
Simon was adopted from http://lazyhorserescue.org/
Current operational PMU horse rescue: http://www.pmufani.org/