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Going Back to the Beginning
By Sandi Layne
Last
edited: Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Posted: Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Is God wanting me to write anymore? I've been lacking focus lately and wondered...but then, I was reminded how I started writing in the first place.
As many of you know...
I’ve been struggling lately with focus. What does God want me to be doing, really? I’ve been slogging my way through sentences, paragraphs, and chapters. Fighting for ideas. Deleting and retyping over and over again.
So I have been asking myself if I am really doing the will of God in what I’m writing. It’s a heavy question, Reader. Granted, my “creative environment” is not conducive to creativity. The computer and cluttered desk where I spend so much time is at the geographic center of my home. It really is. I checked! I have children running back and forth, a television behind me, I can see into my kitchen, master bedroom, hallway, and of course the living room without even turning my head. Two steps take me to the hall and I can see down to the boys’ rooms and a bathroom.
Anyway…I have been praying for focus. For a clear indicator of what I should be doing, here.
And I got a question for an answer: Where was I when God told me to write?
“And lo, I say unto ye…”
No, no. I didn’t hear the Voice of the Almighty God in a burning bush one day. If I had, I am sure I would have been frightened out of my wits. Likewise if an angel showed up at my bedside with an edict from On High. Have you read the Bible? Every time an angel shows up, the first thing he says is Don’t Be Afraid!
No…no extra fax line was sent from Heaven for my benefit. No e-mail. I wasn’t even online when I started writing.
What the Lord did, years ago, was to get my attention by the simple expedient of not letting me sleep. For thirty days – I counted! – I averaged two hours of sleep in every twenty-four. These were not necessarily all taken at once, either. I was exhausted.
But I was also strangely energized. While I was so wakeful, the Lord sent me stories upon stories, some more vivid than others. I dutifully took notes in a notebook on each one, wondering if this was all just a phase or what.
After the thirty days had passed, I was able to sleep again, and one story in particular took root in my mind.
Two months later, I woke up at midnight, grabbed a pen and fresh notebook, and started writing.
Years and years later…
It’s been years since I began that first novel; the first story that I think God was showing me. I wrote that book in thirty-two days, driven to finish a novel. I’d never written anything that long before.
I wrote with a preschooler running around in an apartment a bit smaller than my current house. I wrote with a television in the background, with a child peppering me with questions, with an old Apple Macintosh with hardly any muscle power. I wrote with minimal research tools and no other outside contact.
That novel is NOT a great story. I mean, the plot is good. I really believe, to this day, that it was something the Lord wanted me to write. Was it only for practice? My first few novels were a self-taught course in the art of novel writing. None of them will ever be published, I know.
I have returned to that very first book. I’ve learned a lot, since December of 1997.
Focus
It’s kind of amazing, you know? Amazing what a few forays into faith can teach you. I am writing again. I am still in Norway, with my Vikings and Irish folk. I am also, now, in England with an entirely different cast of characters.
And I’m productive! Two chapters in one night! I am thankful for the renewed focus.
Now my only question is: Can I set out the old manuscript for my personal study without Scooter ruining it?
Highly doubtful, but I’m sure I’ll figure out something. After all, God gave me Scooter; he will provide a means to work with him, too!
May the Lord grant you focus and a renewed sense of purpose, this week!
Sandi
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