If a person goes to the podium to give a speech...he or she gives the speech...puts the audience to sleep and goes back to sit down. (YAWN!) But, if a comedian takes the podium or the stage, it's a different story. The comedian has to get something in return for his or her time on stage...LAUGHS! And, if the laughs don't come, the comedian may soon find himself on a stagecoach headed out of Dodge City!
So, having stage fright the way I do, I've had to settle for being a "sit-down" comedian on the computer, and be happy with it, etc. The only problem with doing comedy or writing humor pieces on the Internet, is I don't really know if the humor pieces are funny or not, because I cannot see the visitors at the other end of the Internet! As I said earlier, I been in the humor business for a long time, but I'm just now learning how to write humor.
The following type of humor is the most difficult to write, because the information has been gotten second-hand. In other words, the incident actually happened, but the stories were not told to me directly...but to a friend, and he, in turn told the story to me.
"There's nothing sadder in this world, than to awake Christmas morning, and not be a child." Erma Bombeck
* * *
Back in the Dark Ages of the 1960's, I used to work in a grocery store after school and on week-ends. It was the Christmas season...and many times, in this part of the country (New Mexico), grocers place a little holiday greeting at the
bottom of each receipt.
- Felice Navidad - (definition) a Spanish phrase
meaning: Merry Chistmas.
One day, the assistant manager of the store, told me a funny story, that an irrate man called her on the phone one night, and chewed her butt out! He let her have a piece of his mind, because one of the grocery checkers had cheated him out of two cents!
All of us have to deal with people with a bad attitude; obnoxious; hateful; profane; belligerent; inconsiderate; pig-headed; demanding; pushy; and they want everything to go their way!
She said the man was hateful, obnoxious and vulgar on the phone that night, and when the man told her what happened, she started laughing (under her breath), and and she was trying desperately not to let him know, she was laughing at him! The irrate man continued to scream at her on the phone and said,
"The receipt is light and faded, but it appears to me, that the name of the checker, is somebody named "Felix Navidar," (Feliz Navidad/Merry Christmas), or something like that!"
Upon hearing this, the assistant manager's smile got so wide, that she got lipstick on her ears! "I want something done about this matter...you understand me," he said! "Yes sir...yes sir," she told the obnoxious JERK! "Felix Navidar" is a new employee, (laughing) and he makes mistakes...and I'll take care of it!"
Sir, I'll see that it doesn't happen again, and next time you come into the store, bring your receipt, and we'll refund your two cents!"'
The assistant manager hung up the phone and she was practically on the floor with laughter. with lipstick all over her ears. and said..."and boy...this JERK sure got his two-cents worth...both literally and figuratively...ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Feliz Navidad - Merry Christmas
"Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart...you won't find it under the tree."
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Copyright; 2007; Jerry Aragon/The Humor Doctor