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Jerry Aragon Ph.D (Phunny humor Doctor)

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You Say Tomato; I Say Tomater!
By Jerry Aragon Ph.D (Phunny humor Doctor)   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Posted: Saturday, July 31, 2010

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I love the way the people in the South talk...from North Carolina to Texas...with that 'Texas twang!' I live in the state of New Mexico...and the people who live along the eastern border with west Texas speak with that 'Texas twang.'

I've never liked the Brooklyn accent; the Jersey (Joisey) accent; or the Boston (Baston) accent...but I love the way the people in the South speak...from North Carolina to Texas...especially women! 

"The single biggest problem in communications is the illusion that it has taken place."  George Bernard Shaw

I was born and still live in the state of New Mexico, and for those of you around the world, who are not familiar with the location of the state, I'll try to put it on the map for you.  The state of New Mexico is located in the southwestern part of the United States...with our good neighbors to the east...the state of Texas; our good neighbors to the north...the state of Colorado; our good neighbors to the west...the state of Arizona and our good neighbors to the south...the country of Mexico.

I was born and raised in New Mexico, and I am Hispanic by trade!  (huh?)  One of my younger sisters married a local fellow, who was originally from Nashville, Tennessee.  A couple of years after their marriage, my sister Diana and her husband moved to Nashville.  Because I was in the military at the time, I had not heard from Diana in a couple of years, etc.

One day, I was home on leave from the military and visiting my parents.  The telephone rang...and it was Diana calling from Nashville.  My mother handed me the phone and told me it was Diana...and I couldn't believe what I heard and the way she sounded, etc. 

I thought I was talking to Dolly Parton or Mini Pearle!  Diana had been living in Nashville for about three years, and I could hardly recognize her.  She had a deep southern accent, and it was 'honey child' this and 'honey child' that!  I wouldn't have recognized her, if my mother had not told me she was on the phone!  That's how different she sounded!  Can you imagine...a Hispanic woman sounding like Dolly Parton?  Scary, eh?  But, that's what the experts tell us all...you'll pick up the habits and behavior of your environment.

"He who know, does not speak; He who speaks, does not know."  Lao Tzu

To advise the reader in advance, this piece will probably take a long time to write.  It will be similar to another piece I wrote, in which I am still adding songs to the piece a year later after I initially wrote it.  In that piece, I started out with my top ten rock songs...and since that time...over a year later, I have added over 120 songs to the piece!  Amazing!  I didn't think I knew that many songs! 

Anyway, this piece will probably be similar in nature...the only difference, is that I will be adding words; phrases; and sentences to the piece.  

accent: (definition); degree of prominence of a syllable within a word and sometimes a word within a phrase; primary accent; secondary accent;

dialect: (definition); a variety of a language that is distinguished from other varieties of the same language by feature of phonology, grammar, and vocabulary, and its use by a group of speakers who are all set off from others geographically or socially;

My two-cents; (comments/opinions)

In the north..."Will somebody shut the window? "  In the south..."Will somebody shut the winder?"                       

In the north..."We have to clean up the oil."  In the south..."We have to clean up the ohl." 

In the north..."I love the city of Amarillo."  In the south...I love the city of Amarilla or Amariller."

In the north...'My favorite color is red."  In the south..."My favorite color is reyud."

In the north..."Will somebody close the door."  In the south..."Will somebody close the dough."

In the north..."If you live in Texas...you have to pay taxes."  In the south..."If you live in Taxes...you have to pay teyxas."

In the north..."We try to teach the kids the right thing."  In the south..."We try to teach the kids the rat thang."

In the north..."Somebody call the police."  In the south..."Somebody call the poh-lice."

In the north..."I got a flat tire."  In the south..."I got a flat tar."

"You mean to say that you got a flat tire, don't you?"

"That's what I said...I got a flat tar!"

I think the most difficult English for me to understand, is the Cajun English in Louisiana; and the Queens English or Victorian English of Ireland.  It's impossible for me to understand these people...especially if they talk fast! 

In the north..."My dog's name is Fido."  In the south..."My dog's name is Fider or Fida."

In the north..."I'll meet you over there."  In the south..."I'll meet you over thar." 

In the north..."I have a thing about doing that."  In the south..."I have a thang about doing that."

In the north..."I plan to write when I'm older."  In the south..."I plan to rat when I'm older." 

Appalachia: This large region in the eastern part of the United States, is home to about 23 million people.  Located from northern Alabama and Georgia all the way to Pennsylvania and New York, this could be the most impoverished and underdeveloped region in the country.  The types of language(s) spoken in this region is anybody's guess, etc. 

In the north..."Will you please hand me that wire."  In the south..."Will you please hand me that war."

"Communication works for those who want to work at it."  John Powell

In the north..."Don't forget to pay the bill."  In the south..."Don't forget to pay the byill." 

"In the north..."In Texas, they do everything big."  In the south..."In Texas, they do everything biyug."

In the north..."Georgia and North Caroling are beautiful states."  In the south..."Goga and Noth Colina are beautiful states." 

In the north..."We love cornbread in the south."  In the south..."We love conebread in the south."

In the north..."Do you know any corny humor?"  In the south..."Do you know any cony humah?"

In the north..."We love to go to Coney Island in the summer."  In the south..."We love to go to Corney Island in the summah." 

In the north..."Do you believe there is other life forms in outer space?"  In the south..."Do you believe there is other laugh forms in outer spice?"

In the north..."I love winter sports like ice skating."  In the south...I love winter sports like ass-skatain."

In the north..."How many people does it take to change a light bulb?"  In the south..."How many people does it taak to chaange a laat bub?"

In the north..."I love to watch a bird fly in the sky."  In the south..."I love to watch a bird flah in the skah." 

In the north..."I lived in the town of Rio Rancho."  In the south..."I lived in the town of Rio Raunchy." 

In the north..."There should be a pay hike."  In the south..."There should be a pay hack." 

In the north..."It will take me awhile to mop the floor."  In the south..."It will taak me awahl to mop the flo." 

In the north..."That person has a lot of style."  In the south..."That person has a lot of stahl."

In the north..."My mother is from West Virginia."  In the south..."My mother is from West Virginny." 

In the north..."I love to eat a lot of potatoes."  In the south..."I love to eat a lot of 'taters." 

Back to the south..."My address is 747 Main Street."  Back to the north..."My address is Salmon Foty Salmon Main Street." 

In the north..."I would live to visit the White House."  In the south..."I would love to visit the Whatt House."

In the north..."Why don't you think for once in your life?"  In the south..."Why don't you thank for once in yo laugh?"

In the north..."It don't mean a thing...if it aint got that thing."  In the south..."It don't mean a thang...if it aint got that thang." 

 "In the north..."Don't forget to take your pill."  In the south..."Don't forget to take your peel" 

Back to the south..."I live at 333 3rd. Street."  Back to the north..."I live at Thoidy-Thoid and Thoid Street." 

In the north..."My sister lives in Nashville."  In the south...My sister lives in Nashvll." 

In the north..."I was born in Missouri."  In the south..."I was born in Misery." 

In the north..."Will somebody please say grace?"  In the south..."Will somebody please say grass." 

Back to the south..."Did you mail your parcell to Boston?"  In the north..."Did you mail your pacell to Baston?" 

In the north..."Last night I had a terrible nightmare."  In the south..."Last nat...I had a terble natmarh." 

In the north..."My favorite television show is Gomer Pyle."  In the south..."My favorite television show is Gomer Pal." 

Back to the south..."I voted for President Obama."  Back to the north..."I voted for President Obummer."

In the south..."Are you from New Jersey or New York?"  In the north..."Are you from New Joisey or New Yolk" 

Back to the north..."I have a friend who is from Florida."  In the south..."I have a friend who is from Flodah."

In the north..."The piece is made from stainless steel."  In the south..."The piece is made from stanless staahl." 

In the north..."Will somebody please put out the fire?"  In the south..."Will somebody please put out the faaar?" 

In the north..."In the Navy, I had a lot of shipmates."  In the south..."In the Navy, I had a lot of shipmites."

In the north..."I went to motor vehicle to get my title and license before I get fined."  In the south..."I went to motor vehicle to get my tattle and lacense before I get fanned." 

In the north..."American's should have a lot of pride."  In the south..."American's should have a lot of praadh." 

In the north...
"She's got a ticket to ride."  In the south...She's got a ticket to raaadh."

Back to the south..."This is the beginning of our work."  Back to the north..."This is the beginning of our woik." 

Back to the north...I think he worked as a farm sharecropper."  In the south..."I think he worked as a farm sharecrapper." 

In the north..."The place you're talking about is around the corner."  In the south..."The place you're talking about is around the conah." 

In the north...
"Firemen are always in danger when they fight a fire."  In the south
..."Farmen are always in danger when they fight a faar." 

In the south..."That piece will cost you thirty dollars."  In the north..."That piece will cost you thoity dollars."

In the north..."What time is it?"  In the south..."What tam it is?" 

In the north..."I don't want the government to mess with my light bulbs!"  In the south..."I don't want the government to mess with my laat bubs!" 

In the south..."My favorite song is 'Bernadette' by the Four Tops."  In the north..."My favorite song is 'Boinadette" by the Four Tops." 

 

In the north..."I really found myself in a bind."  In the south..."I really found myself in a band." 

In the north..."I have a friend who is from Fayetville, Arkansas."  In the south..."I have a friend who is from Fatvul, Arkansaw." 

In the north..."I was fighting for my life!"  In the south..."I was fatten for my laugh!"

In the north..."I love sweet-potato pie."  In the south..."I love sweet-potato pahh."

In the south..."I would like you to meet Ernie from Jersey."  In the north..."I would like you to meet Oiney from Joisey." 

In the south..."I'm from Boston...and my favorite team are the Seahawks."  In the north...I'm from Baston...and my favorite team are the Seahacks." 

In the north..."I love to eat sweet potatoes."  In the south..."I love to eat sweet-taters." 

In the south..."We have a two-party system."  In the north..."We have a two-potty system." 

In the south..."My girlfriend's name is Monica."  In the north..."My girlfriend's name is Moniker." 

In the north..."How long have you driven a Honda?"  In the south..."How long have you driven a Honder?"

In the south..."I just enjoyed a bowl full of rice."  In Little Tokyo..."I just enjoyed a bowl full of lice."

In the south..."That guy is such a jerk!"  In the north..."That guy is such a joik!" 

In the north..."I'll talk to you again on Twitter."  In the south..."I'll talk to you again on Twit-tah." 

In the north..."I don't want to go there anymore."  In the south..."I don't want to go there no-moh"

In the north..."I like to surf on my computer."  In the south..."I love to surf on my computaaaah." 

In the north..."I found myself in a bind."  In the south, "I found myself in a band." 

In the north..."In gardening...the most important thing is the soil."  In the south..."In gardening...the most important thing is the soul." 

In the north..."His whole life, he's been a spoiled brat!"  In the south..."His whole laugh...he's been a spoled brayot!"

In the north..."If you want to stay in this ballgame...you'll have to start writing."  In the south..."If you want to stay in this ballgame...you'll have to start ratt'in." 

In the north..."I hope I never see another wild fire!"
In the south..."I hope I never see another wall faaarr!"

 In the south..."He said he was from Canada."
In the north..."
He said he was from Canader."

All along the eastern laahne...I mean...eastern line of New Mexico, which borders...sorry...which bodahs with West Texas, is known as 'Little Texas' ...and has a strong Texas influence.  Texans come over the state laahn to fish; ski; hunt and do their braggin'... and their influence in noticed.  If you spend any taame...I mean time in one of these small New Mexico towns, you'd thank...sorry...you'd think you are in Texas...but, in fact, you're steel...sorry...still in New Mexico.

"We have two ears and one mouth...so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."  Epictetus 

SITE MAP For Hopelessly Lost Souls;
Copyright; 2010; Jerry Aragon/The Humor Doctor
Website name; humordoctormd
http://humordoctormd.homestead.com
 

Web Site: humordoctormd


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Reviewed by MaryGrace Patterson 8/19/2010
I really enjoyed reading this! What a clever write! I think you are absolutely correct about word change in different areas of the U.S. ....M



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