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Sandra Graves

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Member Since: Jun, 2009

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Finding a Good Man (Possible or Impossible?)
By Sandra Graves   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Wednesday, October 09, 2013
Posted: Friday, September 17, 2010

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What you believe is exactly what you will get. "All the good men are taken!"

Something I constantly hear, and something I used to say myself.  There are good men! My husband was a good man before I met him, and he is still. Also, my son and several others of his male friends, as well as many male members of my family, are good men too. The fact is, if you believe that there are no good men out there, you are going to get exactly what you believe, to be true .

A friend of mine used to say that all men are dogs. Perhaps you have said the same thing too. But, if all men are dogs, and you are dating them, then what does that make you? I know that there are many ‘NO GOOD MEN’ out there; the players, the cheaters, the unfaithful, and the liars. However, remember that these are also the same characteristics that some ‘NO GOOD WOMEN’ possess. Therefore, in order to find a good man, I suggest that you focus on the being a good woman. So, when a good man comes into your life, you do not have the need to become who he wants you to be (someone else), but you joy in who you love to be (not a b…?).

Good men want good women, and a good man will love you for who you are. He will pursue you and he will want you to meet his family and friends. Yet, he will respect you. The fact is, even if you are not ready, he will be patient with you, as my husband was with me.  After my divorce and many unsuccessful dating relationships with both good and no good men, I decided to work on myself. I began doing the things that made me happy, the things I enjoyed doing. It was while I was enjoying my life, I found my husband, ‘Mr. Right’.  He was on vacation to visit his son (not looking), that was when we found each other. Yes of course the story is longer than this, but the point I am trying to make is that he was having fun, while I was enjoying my life, then we found each other.

You may ask, “How can you advise me about dating, if you are married?” Well, that is just another misconception you have my dear, but first let me explain what dating means. Dating refers to process of two people sharing who they are with each other, with the sole purpose of getting to know each other better. A good marriage includes dating, because you do not stop learning about someone after you married them. You will learn something new about your partner everyday of your life. So, if you want to learn, you must date. My husband and I continue to date each other, because the more we learn about each other, the more we love and respect each other’s differences.

My father on the other hand, was a player and had many women who would desperately go after him. He was an expert at playing the dating game. My mother was a separated, single mother, who dated a few no good men. From the time I was born, I learnt that is was normal to have a short term relationship, until I modified my beliefs about relationships and love.  Yes, you need to modify your beliefs. Tell your brain that all men are not like your dad (if you had one like mine), your bother, your uncle, your brother-in-law, your ex, or all those negative male role models you have around you.


Take a look around and identify the good men that you are surrounded by, and note that having good looks does not make a man a good man. Deposit positive images in your mind and in your heart of qualities your ‘Mr. Right’ should have. If you do not have good role models, start hanging out with couples and friends, who have had positive relationships (no threesomes!). Believe me when I tell you that good men are out there, because I was once like you.

Your good man is getting ready or is ready for you, if you believe this to be true . Do not settle for less, thinking that married men, liars, abusers and cheaters are the best you can do. Instead, get ready for when ‘Mr. Right’ (not Mr. Perfect) comes into your life, so that you will be happy with who you are, and love who you are as a person. Do not settle for less because you deserve the best!

If you need a coach to help you modify your negative beliefs contact me, your friend and life coach, Sandra Graves.




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