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Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.

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· Tend To Your Garden Within

· How Often Do Compare Yourself With Others?

· Does Practice Make Perfect?

· Beware of Iceberg

· Are You Seeking Freedom?

· What is the Benefit of Your Bad Habit?

· How Do you Numb Yourself?

· Dark Night of the Soul

· I Will Not Abandon You!

· Joy & Sorrow

· Taking Responsibility

· Compariosn

· Long Invisible Chains

· Escape From intimacy

· Father I Need You

· Listening to You

· Joy & Sorrow

· Mirror of You and Me

· Welcome Home


· Longivity

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Learn How to Connect
By Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.
Last edited: Sunday, October 16, 2011
Posted: Sunday, October 16, 2011

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Recent articles by
Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.

• How Often Do Compare Yourself With Others?
• Does Practice Make Perfect?
• Beware of Iceberg
• Are You Seeking Freedom?
• What is the Benefit of Your Bad Habit?
• How Do you Numb Yourself?
• Dark Night of the Soul
           >> View all 138
Do not be fooled by the frown or lack of eye contact.

When we are under pressure and stress we behave and react differently than when we are content and happy.  We sometimes get upset when our friends and family, under stress, behave in a strange, indirect or childish manner.  We may get upset or misread their behavior by leaving them alone when they actually need our attention the most.

Do you know how your mate, friends or family behave when under stress? How do you communicate under stress?  Do you talk about the source of your stress with your friends right away?  Do you frantically clean the house or your car?  Do you run to the gym?  Do you rush to the refrigerator or your favorite store in the mall?   Do you look for a just cause to release your emotions?

Someone who has been raised not to ask for their needs will not speak up when they are hurting or stressed. They most likely withdraw and become quiet.  If we are the type that expects direct communication, we may take their lack of interaction personally and complicate matters by assuming their behavior is something personal against us or they do not need our support.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important not to generalize or expect certain behaviors from the plants in our garden within.  An effective gardener needs to learn how the plants react when happy or under stress.  The poem below describes this protective mechanism further.


Do Not be Fooled


Do not be fooled by the mean look.


Do not be fooled by the frown or lack of eye contact.


Tough appearances are not an indication of a lack of pain or suffering.


The withdrawn is seeking to connect in their own way.


You may not know how the withdrawn  

wants to connect and communicate.


It varies from personalities and communities.


See and feel the situation with your heart

not purely with your eyes.


Feel the walls built to dam the pain within.


An empathetic word, a smile, a hug or a phone call

may break the dam

turning the tough looking person into a grieving child.


See the heart rushing toward the dam.


Burst open the dam.


Copyright . 2011 by Shervin Hojat


Web Site Tend To Your Garden Within

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Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.

Tend To Your Garden Within

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