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olubunmi salako

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What To Do If You Find It Hard To Say No
By olubunmi salako   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Posted: Tuesday, July 28, 2009

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Many people say YES, when what they really wish to say is NO. If you are one of these people, then you are not saying what you really mean. This will always affect your feelings of self-respect.

The word NO can seem to be one of the hardest for us to voice out sometimes, yet it is such a small word. Many people avoid a misunderstanding by avoiding the word NO, and this can create a huge tension in relationships, even in marriages. A woman I know almost lost her marriage because her husband enjoyed touching her face fondly. Although she hated the action, she didn’t know how to say NO. He, in turn, felt that she enjoyed it, and always did so, at every opportunity.  In fact, he had asked her a number of times if she liked it, and she said YES, not wanting to hurt his feelings. Negative emotions which built up, boiled over one day, and she voiced it out rashly, as one of her complaints. Of course, he was shocked.


Many people say YES, when what they really wish to say is NO. If you are one of these people, then you are not saying what you really mean. This will always affect your feelings of self-respect. If you like something that someone has done, or is offering, you should say YES, when asked. If on the other hand, you don’t like what is on offer or what is being done to you, you must say NO. To say the least, saying YES when you mean NO is unfair to the other person, and sends confusing signals. We all struggle with this little word. We then find ourselves doing all sorts of things that we don’t really want to do. If we do not say NO when we should we will end up doing things in annoyance and develop emotions of resentment. This almost always leads to reduced self-esteem.


Practising makes for perfection. If you find it hard to say NO, it is better to practise using the word as often as you would like to.  Like learning a new language, you must say it to yourself over and again when there is no one around. Get used to saying it, just for the fun of it in your own time. See the person in your mind’s eye. Visualise yourself saying NO to them. Practice it over again. If it is someone you love or respect, you may follow it up with a reason starting with “because…”  Keep your reason very short. Generally, people are selfish, and will think of themselves first, or only of their own benefit. If they care about you, they will take your wish on board. Once people have got used to hearing you say YES, (even if it will kill you), they will be shocked (at first) to hear you say NO. But, believe this, they will soon get used to it. The first time you say NO, it might feel a bit strange, maybe even scary. Don’t apologise after you have said it. In fact, once you have said it, it is more interesting when you add “I said” in front of it, by saying “I said NO”. Wait for the opportunity to say NO”. Then, secretly congratulate yourself. The next time, it will be easier. Whenever you feel victimised, you may feel low in self esteem. Look for the next opportunity to say NO when you really want to, and you will feel empowered and quite happy with yourself. It really is alright to say NO when you want to

Web Site: Cornerstones Education Consultancy

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