One Week in Your Arms
edited: Monday, May 05, 2003
By Bhong B. Martinez
Posted: Monday, May 05, 2003
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A one-week love affair; some of us went thru that crucial ideas and ended up either loving it or regretting it
ONE WEEK IN YOUR ARMS
It’s 3 in the morning… and I am still awake… It seems like my mind cant get tired from too much thinking, my eyes grew heavy each time I stared at the blank wall in front of me… ahead of me is the tomorrow which I am scared of for the reason that I don’t know what will be there in front of me when I wake up…or if I’ll ever get to live another day and enjoy the many tomorrows that will come my way.
As I sit on this corner, which my flat mates solely, named after me…Bhong’s corner… I ponder on things. Each time the wind blows and each night that caresses my being I am growing anxiously waiting for the next time I’ll be seeing you clearly in front of me and not someone I have here on my head… a picture I love looking at and searching in the busiest of the streets each night I dwindle alone amidst the tinsel town’s dashing lights.
I can still see clearly how your face went pale when you saw me the first time I picked you up from the airport, it’s that same look I dared not see when you took me to that same airport we both felt thankful and remorseful after. The first time you hugged me was the first time I told myself “I hope he’s the one”… and that last time you hugged me as I made my tearful goodbye in your arms was the first time I told myself “He is and will always be the one for me.”
Now, in front of this amazing techy gadget, I talk to you still as I pour out all my thoughts and my anguish, my fears, my pain, my joy…. I have them…. But I have you so it matters not if my anguish will bring me to the saddest state of ennui or if my fears wont calm me at night or if my pain will resides in me forever… I have joy … all because I was given the chance to love you.
I never told you how it was like after I left you there on that place where I considered the sinners haven, after I left your warmth I went cold, the coldest I’ve ever experienced in my entire life… no height of snow can tantamount for the feelings that I had after. I was like a walking cadaver…I went with the flow of people, walking aimlessly was me…. With only the remnants of that long-week I had with you.
Even now, I would sleep and be awakened by my own mumbling of your name, I have your t-shirt to hug me at night, I can still smell you every time my nostrils ask for your scent, I ache every time I see Jollibee, and I cant stand seeing Chinese restaurants and foods because they only worsen my state of fate. Last night I tried eating sushi but my tears went flowing like rivers knowing how you wanted to have one of them the Hongkong-way. While you only have some strands of my hair to keep you company and some useless calling cards, I have your memory built in me like a dimension of truth each time I’d ask for strength and hope.
When I went to hear the mass last Sunday, the homily of the priest talked about real Love, Peace and Forgiveness. It shook me like the intensity 10 of an earthquake. I have them all in me now. Real Love is not romantic infatuation, Real Love is sacrificing, it is pain but will bring so much peace with in. And because it is painful you’ll do everything to make the relationship work and that’s when forgiveness will sets in. Forgiving to the deepest core is so easy when you have Real Love. I have them all three. I am willing to forgive and still love you even when I can’t anymore.
When you dedicated that page for me, my mind went crazy. I still can’t believe it’s true . I guess, I will always tell myself that You’re Just a Dream…. A dream I would want to have even when I am awake. I never pictured myself to be like what I am right now. I was never a hopeless romantic in love, I was the most frigid person ever alive, the greatest con artist who loves giving a good show for everyone, but you taught me to face reality. I’ve always shielded myself of that protective armor when it comes to my feelings but I took you there to my own world, the unexplored world of the girl who lost her self in the woods and how one soul brought her back to her own realms. I thank you for taking my hand and sharing those long walks on the park, the sweet-nothings, the nights when I would just lie still and stared at your loveliness, the unseething ways of your touch, the corny jokes we laughed about, the sweet songs that cuddled me those nights, the days I’ve waken up seeing those radiant smiles, the caring and soothing ways, the tender kisses and calming embraces… these All I will cherish until I am through with the day and ready to face my twilight.
I would want to wake up hearing that same voice and seeing that same smile and naughty eyes every mornings of my life, I’ve seen my match for life…. I would want to witness the many setting and rising of the sun with him… yes… I finally found my other half… the man I am willing to grow old with.